Much to nobody’s surprise, Elon Musk’s apology for smearing a British cave diver as a pedophile on Twitter was absolute trash. In fact, “apology” is too strong a word for it.
Musk had attacked 63-year-old Vern Unsworth, a man instrumental in the rescue of a Thai youth soccer team from a flooded cave complex, for dismissing his offer of a mini-submarine to transport the boys as a “PR stunt.” Unsworth had also said that the extremely online CEO of Tesla and SpaceX was asked to leave the moment he arrived at the caves, contradicting Musk’s repeated claims that Thai authorities were eager for his help.
Naturally, the aggrieved billionaire went nuclear in a series of since-deleted tweets.
Care to guess why Musk felt pressured to cover his ass after this meltdown? I’ll wager it wasn’t because he was sorry. As soon as Unsworth saw the tweets, he was musing about a libel lawsuit, and experts thought he had a strong case. Also, shares of Tesla fell over 3.5 percent the following day, lowering its valuation by $2 billion, with investors understandably concerned that the company’s chief executive was more focused on social media beef than turning a profit for once. Public and media sentiment tilted sharply against Musk in the wake of his slur and insinuations that Thailand is a haven for perverts. Even white supremacist site the Daily Stormer was aghast, declaring that Musk had gone “too far into deep Nazism.”
https://twitter.com/MilesKlee/status/1019667768893890560
With no one on his side but a handful of brainwashed fanboys, Musk really had no choice but to “walk back” the offensive comments. But of course he managed to be a dick about that, too.
Finally a thorough piece of reporting on the @elonmusk Thai submarine fiasco. By a non-reporter.
Journalism is dead. But if we can fight to distribute pieces like this, with high-signal-to-noise ratio, we can resurrect.https://t.co/3hZEvG3kKZ
— ???Adam Chavez (@adamchavez) July 17, 2018
As this well-written article suggests, my words were spoken in anger after Mr. Unsworth said several untruths & suggested I engage in a sexual act with the mini-sub, which had been built as an act of kindness & according to specifications from the dive team leader.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) July 18, 2018
Nonetheless, his actions against me do not justify my actions against him, and for that I apologize to Mr. Unsworth and to the companies I represent as leader. The fault is mine and mine alone.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) July 18, 2018
First off, did Musk apologize to the life-saving hero he impulsively accused of harboring a sexual infatuation with children? Nope. He didn’t even post the message to his main Twitter timeline, choosing instead to bury it in the mentions of some random cryptocurrency nerd who shares his dangerous anti-journalism bias.
Secondly, the “well-written article” he’s praising is in reality a lengthy comment, clearly in his defense, on Quora, a web forum for the dumbest questions this side of Yahoo! Answers. (It is, additionally, the only reason you’ve heard of Jordan Peterson.) That the author attempts to legitimize the “pedo” tweet should tell you plenty about his agenda here.
Moreover, Musk’s initial reply bears no hint of the humility or regret essential to a sincere “I’m sorry.” It’s more bullshit crafted to justify his rage by blaming the altercation on Unsworth, who had remarked that Musk could “stick his submarine where it hurts.”
As for the “untruths,” Unsworth was only reiterating, in somewhat stronger terms, what pretty much everyone involved in the cave rescue was saying — that Musk’s sub was totally impractical for their purposes.
The second tweet continues the persecution narrative, citing “actions against me.” It’s incredible to think anyone could become a titan of Silicon Valley with skin this thin. If Musk’s feelings are that hurt by people telling him to go away so they can do their jobs, he might consider not sticking his nose in wherever his acolytes demand — or at least not indulging their fantasy of him as a superhero industrialist whose tech can solve any problem.
At last, he has a few meager and resentful words of contrition for Unsworth, who is forced to share the non-apology with alarmed shareholders. “The fault is mine and mine alone,” Musk concludes, as though anyone (besides he himself, mere moments before) was blaming other people for his petulance.
Gotta respect Elon Musk’s big apology, which was (i) posted at midnight Pacific (ii) in a reply to some rando Quora article that lauds his work then attempts to explain/justify why he got mad, and (iii) followed by a self-serving RT of a grateful email from a different diver
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) July 18, 2018
Elon's apology for *checks notes* calling a hero a pedophile has all the grace and genuine contrition of a five year old being forced by his parents to apologize to his teacher.
— Joseph Fink (@PlanetofFinks) July 18, 2018
Just like Elon Musk, I also love the "articles" on Quora, such as this one, which is real. pic.twitter.com/1tUWHMb8Q5
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) July 18, 2018
Overall, the statement is not exactly a swing and a miss — it’s more like he struck out trying to bunt. Meanwhile, Musk hasn’t given up on his new hobby of disparaging reporters (especially women) as purveyors of fake news when they publish stories he doesn’t like. But take heart, Elon: No matter how often and spectacularly you self-own on Twitter, it’s never too late to log off.
Miles Klee
Miles Klee is MEL’s resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. He’s also the author of the novel ‘Ivyland’ and a story collection, ‘True False.’
