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Why Everyone Is So Horny for the Eclipse

On August 21st, a total solar eclipse—when the moon passes between the sun and the earth—will skitter across the United States at 1,500 miles an hour. As the The Verge explains it (with some help from NASA), these serendipitous planetary alignments happen about every 18 months, but this one is rare because it’s a.) a total solar eclipse, where the sun is completely covered up, and b.) the last time a total solar eclipse pulled a coastal traipse across America was 1918. Additional fun fact: Yes, the moon is about 400 times smaller than the sun, as The Verge explains, but the moon is also about 400 times closer to the earth. That’s why it appears to pull a full cock-block in these rare moments.

Did someone say “cock”? Apparently, eclipses make them top of mind. A man claiming unusually strong and pure European/Caucasian heritage posted recently on San Francisco’s Craigslist looking for a woman to have sex during the eclipse while his penis is pointed toward the sun, achieving simultaneous orgasm at the moment of totality, and as a result, “conceiving a child that will be on the next level of human evolution.”

The post was deleted, but not before it made enough rounds online, prompting us all to ask if there was anything to this eclipse sex business. Why does an eclipse seem to bring out the horny?

Generally speaking, shit can get pretty weird during a solar eclipse for a myriad of reasons that happen to suggest sex is a good idea.

Eclipses Are Dramatic

Astrologers say this solar eclipse is full of drama because this eclipse falls in Leo, the drama queen of the zodiac. An astrologer at Coveteur says:

The big takeaway here is how you deal with visibility and doing what you love in public. It’s not something that comes easily to everyone, but it’s something we all eventually have to deal with. What happens now helps you dig inside yourself and find your Sasha Fierce, the part of you that loves the spotlight (or learns to love it, anyway).

If that doesn’t sound like a ringing endorsement for shadowy public sex, I don’t know what does. Likewise, writing over at Elle, the AstroTwins Tali and Ophira Edut explain that because the moon represents the feminine in astrology and the sun is the masculine, there’s “fascinating symbolism to consider.”

“Women’s issues may very well be powerful enough to block out the male-driven agenda, if only for 2.5 rare hours,” they explain, later advising everyone to “free your inner peacock from captivity — and invite a unicorn to strut alongside her.”

That sounds like sex, too, maybe with a woman on top?

Just Don’t Make a Baby

Some astrologers say you should not try to conceive during an eclipse, or that it’s hard on pregnant women, which appears to be rooted in medieval beliefs that eclipse-conceived children are ugly and filled with demons. But medical experts politely say this is a bunch of hoo-ha, and we all know that sex isn’t always about procreation. (We also know that ugly, demon-filled children are born every single day of the year, in spite of our best efforts.) The takeaway? Wear a rubber, dude.

Eclipses Are Animalistic

Animals will think it’s sundown when the darkness hits, and behave thusly. Quartz rounded up various animal responses to the sudden, unexpected darkness, such as this interesting account from an 1878 eclipse:

Animals perceived the ebbing of the light, and they responded as they normally would at the close of day. In Rawlins, [Wyoming] owls emerged. Farther north, in a Montana gold mining down, “all the cocks in the city began to crow lustily and in a regular succession.” Across the region, cows turned homeward and pigeons went to roost. Grasshoppers folded their wings and fell to the ground.

That cocks crowing part is sexy, huh.

Eclipses Are Euphoric, Addictive

There are actual people who are addicted to seeing eclipses, and according to this Quartz piece, these “umbraphilliacs” describe that addiction very similarly to being in love. “It just happened,” they say, describing falling in love with eclipses. “It takes us to another place,” they say of the orgasmic experience of witnessing said eclipse. Such devotees form a community of obsessives who describe chasing eclipses as a compulsion similar to obsessive love, or at least seeing The Beatles live. They scream when they see eclipses. They think about eclipses all the time. They plan their entire lives around them. Quartz posted a photo of two eclipses taken by astronomer Glenn Schneider:

Those are what you might call “eclipse boobs.”

Clinical psychologist Kate Russo interviewed eclipse-chasers to get a better handle on what the sensation is like, telling Quartz:

She’s come up with the acronym “SPACED” to describe the stages of emotion a person goes through as they watch totality: A Sense of wrongness, Primal fear, Awe, Connection, Euphoria, and the Desire to repeat the experience. Over and over, she says, this sequence holds true.

Let’s be clear: That is a sex description.

It’s also an otherworldly experience. “Just before totality, specks of sunlight will pop out between the various valleys and indentions in the lunar crust, creating beads of light that sparkle around the edge of the Moon,” according to The Verge.

Things Get More Sex Trafficky

A not-cool report from the Kentucky attorney general indicates that sex trafficking is likely to pick up during the eclipse. It’s not because the eclipse itself is necessarily more horny-inducing, but rather because terrible sex traffickers go wherever there are lots of people with money to spend are gathering for any activity, whether it’s the Indy 500, the Super Bowl or the Derby.

The Moon Is a Top

In conclusion, the moon will be literally on top of the sun, which is a sex thing too, and indicates that you should probably try to have safe, consensual, enjoyable sex on top of someone. It will be either a great way to end the world, or just an unforgettable sex time you had sex once.