Here’s What a Weak Stroke Game Is Really All About

An old saying has it that the length and girth of one’s penis matters less than how one uses it. Forget the size of the boat; focus on the motion of the ocean. Don’t judge a boner by its looks, I guess. (Smells are a different story.) This is conventional wisdom that makes the short-cocked feel better about themselves, but it’s fundamentally sound reasoning in the other direction as well: A mammoth schlong doesn’t automatically make the owner good at sex, and could potentially mean less effort or finesse on their part. We can’t assume that it’s “boyfriend dick.”

I mention all this because not long ago, rapper A$AP Rocky was widely mocked for an alleged sex tape that critics saw as evidence of a “weak stroke game.” This despite the Pornhub title “Rock Hard BBC Destroys Paig,” with “BBC” being an initialism not for the British Broadcasting Corporation but “Big Black Cock.” I haven’t watched the footage myself — I prefer to go to the professionals for my porn — but the roasting was so severe that Rocky had to address it.

It seems nobody was laughing at the dimensions of Rocky’s rod, as commentary was mostly tied to his apparently weird style of fucking. If he had anything to do with the “leak,” as we tend to suspect anytime a male celebrity finds themselves in this position, then a significant measure of confidence in both anatomy and prowess would’ve been required. That is to say, the video was unlikely to surface unless Rocky thought his stroke was impeccable, above reproach. 

And yet…

This chasm between self-assessment and disappointing reality is, I believe, crucial to understanding what makes for a trash stroke — which, by the way, isn’t a gender-specific problem.

Sex can be fairly termed a collaboration, so doing it well entails a simultaneity of pleasure, crescendo, and ultimately, climax. When you’re checked out between the sheets, it might well be the result of your partner paying no mind to your rhythms of excitement, overly invested in the drama of their own arousal. The idea of a “weak” stroke suggests this lack of vibe more than a lack of force, and, in fact, I’m sure most of us have encountered a person who rides just too damn hard, to the point of pneumatic numbness. Think of it like dancing: Those most committed to their vigorous moves are often the worst, and totally oblivious besides.  

Of course, it’s all a matter of context. You’ll probably never want a screwing that feels somehow offbeat and unpredictable in its flow, but on any given day, you might prefer a jackhammer session to a slow, sensual love fest. Decent stroke game encompasses these alternatives and the discernment to know when each is appropriate, as well as how to vary technique within a single throw-down. In a Reddit thread on the subject, one commenter recalled an ex who “did this thing I loved, he would change up how he thrusted… he would pull out a little bit, stop until I was whimpering and begging him to continue, and then thrust in really deep.” This kind of trick speaks to the value of intuition and close attention: Your stroke levels up when you figure out the right times to pick up speed or savor the anticipation that comes with being a bit withholding.

So, can A$AP Rocky improve his supposedly weak stroke game, or is good stroke instinct something you’re born with? I have to trust that anyone can put in the practice it takes to thrust like a champion — after all, none of us have a clue what we’re doing when we fuck for the first time. Trouble is, if you’re rich, famous and suitably endowed, you may not see any reason to modify your approach in the bedroom, since you’ll always have another person to bang if your latest hookup is unimpressed. Then, before you know it, there’s a sex tape out that you considered a documentary of your raw fitness but the public sees as goofy and embarrassing. 

Maybe, too, the quality of stroke is best for a pair that has boned often, over weeks and months and even years, achieving a physical rapport that’s practically second nature. I doubt if many relationships last into the long term absent this stroke-based accord. Yet occasionally, the strokes are a perfect match right out of the gate, as though we’re specifically attracted to others who radiate Nice Stroke Energy. In which case it’s a nearly mystical form of communication, on the level of pheromones and eye contact, and beyond our definitions. All we can say for sure is that you recognize good stroke game when it happens. And you notice when it doesn’t:             

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Miles Klee

Miles Klee is MEL’s resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. He’s also the author of the novel ‘Ivyland’ and a story collection, ‘True False.’