In case you missed it, the one and only future First Lady, the one and only Bill Clinton, spoke his piece at the Democratic National Convention this week:
“In the spring of 1971, I met a girl,” Mr. Clinton began, sounding like a narrator in an old Philip Roth novel or like a confessional letter to Esquire. “After the class, I followed her out, intending to introduce myself,” he continued, recalling that his confidence abandoned him. “Somehow, I knew this would not be just another tap on the shoulder, that I might be starting something I couldn’t stop.”
How about we let a dude say nice things about his wife without calling him cheesy or, in the case of “an old Phillip Roth novel,” vintage— it’s 2016, guys, and we’re about to elect a woman the President of the United State of America. Ain’t nothing dated about that.
What else is happening at the DNC, you ask? Well…
Jeff Goldblum’s a “lowkey” style icon, says Complex — maybe he should get a part-time gig at Starbucks, which just unveiled a new dress code? Featuring all the fedoras a man could possibly dream of, Starbucks encourages, “a new sense of individualism, inviting workers to wear fedoras and beanies, to dye their hair and to incorporate accent ties and socks.” Accent socks? Nice.
Everyone is “miserable” on Tinder, but if you ever do meet your match — online dating or not — a new study published in the American Sociological Review says, “the amount of money that either the husband or wife makes isn’t that important: For contemporary couples, the biggest determinant is whether the husband is working full-time.” (I told you to get a part-time gig at Starbucks, Jeff Goldblum!)
Good news? Young girls are “roasting” young boys — thanks to Reddit. Bad news? Your favorite beers are getting nutrition labels. (Speaking of getting wasted, here’s why your accent gets nuts when you drink.) More bad news: Bats can swim. To balance things out, here’s some more good news: Gucci Mane is finally free, and he’s already got a new album out.
The only way to shake these emotions? A live feed of a Corpse Flower blooming:
May you live life like a corpse flower: with an unpredictable bloom that results in your smelling like a dead animal.