Every day I’m confronted with a new and fresh hell that reminds me that yes, this is 2019, and yes, in 2020 we may very well elect a president based on whose memes are the best. Case in point, Democratic candidate and unwilling #YangGang memelord, Andrew Yang.
Look, I get that political memes have been a force since Trump supporters used them to great effect during the last election. But #YangGang memes are willfully dumb and sometimes downright nihilistic.
#Yangkuza pic.twitter.com/SPtilMeUzX
— Populist Wire [#YangGang Edition] (@ThePopulistWire) April 2, 2019
Say what you want about the tenets of MAGA-inspired national socialism, dudes, at least it’s an ethos.
Must Read
“Getting Yang-Pilled by the #YangGang”
By all accounts, Andrew Yang leans about as far left as any progressive candidate for president. He backs Medicare-for-All, the Green New Deal and even has a plan to distribute $1,000 to every citizen, every month, tax free, a concept that’s basically universal basic income. And it’s that last point that’s attracting people from across the political spectrum — socialists, former Trump supporters, even members of the far right — all inspired by the endless wave of Yang memes to form a hilarious, unlikely and potentially toxic coalition to boost Yang into the mainstream. READ MORE
Ants in Your Pants
There are no shortage of theories surrounding how the Avengers franchise will end when Avengers: Endgame comes out later this month, but by far the most popular one is this: Ant-Man, who has the power to get really small whenever he wants, will jump into Thanos’ butthole and expand back to normal size, destroying the supervillain. It’s a clear-cut solution to a complex problem, and the fans are here for it. Heck, even Thanos is into it:
The question is, what would happen if Ant-Man made like a butt-plug, inserted himself way up inside Thanos’ rectum and went go-go-gadget full-expansion? We asked a scientist at MIT to explain the physics of this derring-do-do.
A Film Critic On… ‘The Highwaymen’
On what it is: “The Highwaymen explores the relationship between Frank Hamer (Kevin Costner) and Maney Gault (Woody Harrelson), aging lawmen assigned to take out Bonnie and Clyde. For generations, Bonnie and Clyde have been cult heroes. In The Highwaymen, they’re the bad guys.”
On the promise that your dad’s going to be hella excited to see this one: “Between its casting of familiar, older stars and its unflashy style, The Highwaymen makes no apologies about the type of film it is and who its audience is meant to be.”
On Costner finally looking like the character he’s been playing for 30+ years: “Recently turned 64, Costner is still grumblingly staring down those who threaten his character’s way of life. All along, he’s been our silent protector, our perpetual grump. Like his character, Costner doesn’t seem to know any other way.”
On the film really hating Bonnie and Clyde: “It’s interesting to see a movie whose thesis is that we shouldn’t admire Bonnie and Clyde. In The Highwaymen, they’re depicted as cold-blooded killers and narcissistic young twits.”
On a potential tagline for the movie that sums up its — and lead actor’s — ethos: “The more people try to keep the old ways alive, the clearer it is that that stranglehold can’t last.”
Read more of Tim Grierson’s review, here — including a quick guide to songs about Bonnie and Clyde; a brief history of how Bonnie and Clyde helped inspire America’s first gun-control policy; and a definitive answer to whose rock band is better, Kevin Costner’s or Woody Harrelson’s.
Better the Creep You Know Than the Creep You Don’t
Donald Trump is all the evidence you need that sexual misconduct is no barrier to the highest office in the land. So color us unsurprised that former Vice President Joe Biden, a man who is accused of new sexual misconduct allegations daily, may still wind up as the Democrats’ nominee for president. It makes perfect sense, really: Because, like our decades-long political romance with Bill Clinton, we’re seemingly fine with a creep, as long as he’s our creep.
Ruff Math
Health insurance for humans is (now) a requirement, but what about for our pets? After all, dogs, cats, iguanas and gerbils all get sick or hurt now and again, too. So why does hardly any animal owner in this country carry pet insurance? We can’t say for certain, but it probably has something to do with the fact that insurance policies are fucking complicated (and typically expensive). Thankfully, Ian Lecklitner broke down the math to determine whether paying for insurance is worth it, or just another in a long line of sunk pet-ownership costs.
Historically Hot
Last week, Miles Klee wrote about why the binary scale (would you, or wouldn’t you?) beats the pants off the problematic 1-10 scale when it comes to rating how attractive someone is. This week, we’re wondering where that 10-point hotness scale comes from in the first place, and when we began assigning numbers to represent how good someone looks. Turns out that shit goes back thousands of years.
Basic Dad Advice: I’ve Got a Klepto Kiddo
So your kid’s a burgeoning thief, eh? Could be worse: He could be into QAnon, or worse still, Jake Paul. But seriously, folks, finding out your kid has been stealing — even if it’s something small, like a toy from a classmate — can give you pause as a parent. We spoke to a policeman, a bank robber and others to get their advice on how to deal with a klepto kiddo.
Kratom for the Gains
In a questionable decision our team of lawyers would like to make clear MEL was not a party to, Oliver Lee Bateman has been using kratom, the promising-yet-still-taboo opiate blocker, for three months to see if the all-natural miracle drug could relieve him of the pain from all the work he puts in for the gains. The results? Meh.
What a Jundie-Full World
This past weekend, the internet was rocked with the news that Parisian designer brand Y/Project was hawking denim underwear on the fashion site SSENSE.
HOW do i feel about $300 denim panties, you ask? well i’ll tell you how i feel. utterly and thoroughly chafed pic.twitter.com/YYQ9v5dZ6b
— Safiya Nygaard (@safiyajn) March 29, 2019
Forget for a second all the Tobias Fünke references we’d all love to make right about now. Forget what the shock would be like to come home to your significant other wearing a pair of these things, acting all sexy-like.
The real question is, would a pair of jundies even be, you know, comfortable, or would they chafe the shit out of us? I think I know the answer to that:
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
