The human body: An inspiring biological work of art? Or a meaty sack of germs and fluids? Either way, there’s still a lot we don’t know about what goes on in there — and scientists are constantly attempting to find out more. Here are the most interesting things we learned about our bodies in the last seven days…
Want a Happy Relationship? Try Dating a Nice Person, Duh
Didn’t find love on Valentine’s Day? Maybe give up on the bad boy/girl thing. Researchers at Michigan State University claim to have found the key to long-lasting devotion, and it turns out it’s as simple — and as incredibly difficult — as finding a person who is actually nice, rather than someone with similar interests or a compatible personality. In fact, their study found that having similar personalities was virtually negligible when it came down to how satisfied people were in their lives and relationships.
On the flip side, their investigation, which involved measuring the effects of personality traits on well-being in more than 2,500 couples who’ve been married for approximately 20 years, showed that having a partner who’s nice leads to higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Sadly, though, finding a nice person to date is probably a lot harder than finding someone with similar interests — just sayin’.
Trump Is Playing Too Much Golf, But the Good News Is It’s Probably Breaking His Back
At least so says a new study, which found your average golf swing causes repeated minor traumatic spine injuries, which can eventually cause long-lasting, super-painful spinal problems. The authors even point out, “Among professional and amateur golfers, back disorders remain the most common injury, comprising 55 percent and 35 percent of injuries in these groups, respectively.” Good thing Trump just upgraded the room-sized golf simulator at the White House!
Depressed? You Can Maybe Blame All the Weed You Smoked as a Teenager
Welp, that explains a lot. After performing a systematic review of existing evidence and analyzing 23,317 individuals, a team of researchers from McGill University and the University of Oxford concluded that smoking weed as a teenager is associated with an increased risk of depression and suicidal thoughts in adulthood. They’re still unsure as to why exactly this is the case, and they also mentioned that these effects can be more or less severe on a case-by-case basis. All which means, (1) I now know exactly why I’m depressed; and (2) you might want to wait until you’re no longer a teenager before getting, like, incredibly freaking baked, my bro-doggy.
Eating French Fries and Pizza Will Eventually Kill You, Says Least Surprising Study Ever
Just like all other research on the topic, yet another new study found that eating ultra-processed foods will make you die. Do we really need to be told this at this point…?
Got Diabetes? Try Injecting Yourself With Sea Snail Venom
Because why the fuck not? Apparently, some fish-hunting species of marine snails release a plume of toxic venom, and one of the compounds in said venom is fast-acting insulin, which renders the prey immobile. When applied to humans in controlled doses, however, researchers at the University of Utah believe this venom might actually help diabetics control their blood sugar levels. “We are beginning to uncover the secrets of cone snails,” senior researcher Helena Safavi-Hemami said in a press release. “We hope to use what we learn to find new approaches to treat diabetes.” After all, you know what they say: A hefty dose of toxic sea snail venom a day keeps the doctor away.
What, you’ve never heard that? Lame.