The Curse of the Fake Financial Dominatrix

For men turned on by financial domination, it’s the thought of their bank balances getting spanked — not their asses — that turns them on. Their dommes, whose Twitter accounts proclaim them as Queens and Goddesses, can exert control over them in a range of ways — from demanding financial tributes to drawing up debt contracts or even taking total control of bank accounts. To most outsiders, the nature of those transactions might already seem like a scam. Fin dommes, however, will tell you that they put a lot of work into manipulating and torturing the men they variously call “subs,” “slaves,” “pets” and “paypigs.”

That’s why they’re as upset with the recent plague of fake fin dommes as anyone else.

Victoria, a 25-year-old fin domme living in Spain, summed up the problem as part of a long Tumblr post: “In the past few years, we’ve seen an increase of fakes in the community. They’re mostly sugar-babies who have discovered findom and thought, ‘Why should I have to cater to somebody’s sexual needs when I can just insult some stranger over the internet and they’ll give me cash for it?’ They misinterpret both what ‘degradation’ and ‘findom’ are — aggressively insulting a complete stranger out of the blue and demanding they give them cash just because. There’s no dominance and submission in it, no control, no exchange, just take and take and take.”

After even a brief skim of the findom hashtag on Twitter, it’s apparent that there are a lot of Twitter accounts that fit Victoria’s description — they’re relatively recent, with a small number of followers and a stream of faux-dominant tweets designed to hook a passing sub.

Princess Abbie, a U.S.-based phone sex operator and online findom with dreams of opening a dungeon, paints a more detailed picture of the average fake findom’s approach: “They’ll reply to any sub account that tweets about findom, demanding that they direct message them and repeatedly give them money.”

Abbie says these fake accounts have stolen her pictures and tweets to lure in unsuspecting subs. “On one occasion, the account was only a few days old,” she explains. “And when I confronted them about it, they tried ordering *me* to get them subs. I have no clue why they thought that would work. I’m a domme because I love the feeling off control!” Like Victoria, Abbie believes there’s more to findom than just taking someone’s money: “This isn’t a job where you can just go online, post a stolen photo, yell at people to give you money and then block them or not give them what you promised.”

Not all dommes are as sympathetic toward subs who get duped, however. Miss Krystal Goddess, a London-based domme and fin domme with eight years experience and “hundreds of boys who have served over that time,” says they should do their research. “Fakes used to bother me, but good subs know how to read up on a lady before they contact her,” she explains. “Use Google and an image search. If a sub can’t be bothered to check or is just thinking with his hard-on, [it’s his own fault].”

The whole thing is muddied by the fact that for many subs in the findom world, the feeling of being exploited is central to the pleasure they get from it. “One sub told me he’s been into findom for over 20 years,” says Krystal Goddess. “It all started when he paid for sexual services from a lady, and she ran off with the money. He realized that he was more turned on at her flipping him off than he would have been with sexual services.”

It’s hardly surprising either that a lot of the deadbeat dommes are, in fact, men posing as women with stolen photos and videos. As a sex worker who offers both online and offline services, Krystal Goddess says there’s a huge difference in the number of fakes. “You just can’t be a fake person if you session in person,” she explains. “Subs and slaves can always tell if you don’t have experience. Online though — especially on Twitter and Facebook — there are hundreds and hundreds of fakes, and they’re usually catfish, that is, men pretending and posting pictures taken from somewhere else.”

Princess Abbie offers similar advice to subs researching a domme. “They should search for the domme’s name on social media and see if they’re mentioned in any call-out posts, and pay attention to how and what they tweet,” she says. “These accounts get weeded out by the community, so scammers earn a bad name quickly.” She adds that there’s a pretty simple reason why online findom is so prone to fakes. “While I’m on multiple sites and easily verifiable, there are plenty of established dommes who don’t want to show their faces for privacy reasons. I totally understand, but it makes it easier for people to steal photos and start scamming.”

For the sub perspective, I talk to a man who goes by the name Bengeneration on Twitter. A self-described “alpha and part-time paypig,” he regularly tweets about findom and fakes. “I’m pretty unusual. I wasn’t born sub. I was very alpha and dated a well-known and experienced findom. When we split up, she somehow manipulated me into sending her money. From there, it morphed into full-blown findom.”

Ben believes men get into financial domination “because they have a kink they wanted played with and findoms are pretty accessible. I’m not sure if most men in this scene are real paypigs/finsubs or just pay-to-play session subs. These dommes are very good at getting into these guys’ heads and creating a linkage between sending cash and arousal. I guess it’s classic conditioning.”

“Have I encountered many fakes?” he continues. “Yes, you’ll see them all over the scene, and the problem has become more obvious because of social media. There’s no foolproof way to screen out scammers. There are obviously girls who think it’s easy money and have no clue about dominance and submission, then you have the men who pose as women and catfish. The fakes range from being genuinely unskilled to downright fraudulent.”

Max Bucky, who includes his domme’s name in his Twitter bio, divides fakes into two categories: “There’s the kind of domme who has heard about ‘findom’ and thinks it’s an easy way to abuse men online and get paid some cash. Typically, they’re poor students who want extra money. It can also be women who get a lot of attention on Instagram and think that transitions well into getting paid for posting pictures. That’s where the term ‘Instadomme’ comes from. The other kind of fakers use other women’s pictures to get subs to pay them. That’s usually tackled by ‘real’ dommes putting a video on their page stating their name.”

At 41, Goddess Melannia, a U.S.-based domme who does female domination (femdom) and findom, has a more complex and rounded view. She argues that despite how it may appear to the uninitiated, “findom isn’t about the money. It’s about control and power. You cannot be broke to be in this kink. You cannot be desperate. They will smell you out and use you. It’s a game.” In her view, the worst of the fake findoms are the braggers. “They’ll say how they will ‘take food out of your kid’s mouth’ or how they ‘don’t care if you become homeless.’ A true domme is never out to hurt others.”

Melannia’s own route into findom started about four years ago after a sub approached her about it. “He became my first finsub,” she explains. “I delved deep. I did my research. It’s only one kink inside the vast array within BDSM. I still do femdom and never mix my general dominant/submissive BDSM chats on Kik with it as findom has a bad name. Those that don’t understand it as a kink exploit it for bad purposes.”

Her own subs range from young guys — always over 18, she stresses — who send her “$10 to $20 like clockwork, some daily, some every few days, others weekly” to older, more-established men, who will send “$100 to $200 silent tributes.” One of her best “whales” owns a string of car dealerships. “He chats me up with basic conversations and has been known to send me $200 every 30 minutes or every two hours, just for taking up my time.” Then there are “rinsing sessions” and games on Twitter where the amounts she takes from subs can be as large as $2,000. “I never take anyone’s whole paycheck. During the interview process, I assess their income, their monthly bills and their general situation. Every sub is different, and I don’t take on tons at once. I hate collectors.”

Whatever advice dommes and experienced subs offer, though, fakes will continue to flourish in the findom world, and the gullible will keep getting scammed. The money is too tempting and the stream of willing participants seemingly never-ending. After all, Dr. John Bridges wrote “a fool and his money are soon parted” in 1587 — a full 411 years before PayPal.

There’s nothing new about human horniness or greed.

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Mic Wright

Mic is a freelance writer and journalist based in London. He writes about technology, culture and politics. He’s @brokenbottleboy on Twitter.