Let’s face it: Weird things happen when you enthusiastically attempt to squish your sexual organs against someone else’s, which might explain why seemingly everyone has had at least one strange (or humiliating) sexual experience.
In fact, according to the many responses in this Reddit thread asking people about their most bizarre sexy times, most of us have had multiple embarrassing sexual moments. To make everyone (including ourselves) feel better about their own, we’ve listed some of favorite responses from the thread below (sic, obviously, throughout).
This Person Was Showered with Nose Juice
“He had used a Neti pot maybe two hours or so before we had sex,” writes commenter danarexasaurus. “I’m usually on top, but he insisted on being on top this time. We were going at it pretty hot and heavy, then BAM: Like three ounces of salty sinus juice sloshed all over my face.”
This Person Nearly Caused a Natural Disaster
“My First BJ was me sitting in a metal folding chair in my parent’s unfinished basement,” commenter Th1sIsNotThr0wAway writes. “I accidentally farted because I was so nervous, and the metal chair and empty cement basement made it sound like an earthquake. I even tried to clear my throat to mask the sound, but it was futile. She started laughing so hard that she stopped. It was quite embarrassing but terribly hilarious looking back.”
This Person Accidentally Gave Her Partner a Golden Shower
“I was having sex for one of the first times with my current partner, and he asked me to show him how strong my vagina was by trying to push him out of me by squeezing my muscles,” writes commenter not-another-hp-fan. “I did, and ended up peeing on him.”
This Person Moaned Aloud to the Entire Neighborhood
“One day, I’m drilling her doggy-style and decide to change holes,” explains commenter wotmate. “No lube was needed, as she was very wet and loved it hard, so I didn’t even slow down from the full-length hard strokes. She starts screaming, ‘Oh God yes! Fuck my ass! Fuck me hard! Fill my ass with your cock!’ I really took her to Pound Town, and in short order, sent some sperm into a dark and confusing place, while she shuddered and squirted under me.”
“As our mutual growls and moans abated, we heard the falsetto voices of teenage boys drift through the open window, doing a good impressions of her cries,” wotmate continues. “We giggled a bit until I peeked through the curtain to discover that one of the three teenage boys out on the street was her son.”
This Person Threw Up Everywhere
“I had just eaten super nachos from Taco Casa, and it wasn’t sitting well in my stomach,” writes commenter WreckenTexanMoto. “We’re having sex on the couch in an awkward missionary position when I feel a burp/vomit coming up. Any reasonable person would have stopped and run to the bathroom, but not me. I projectile vomited all over the two of us.”
This Person Re-Broke Their Collar Bone
WreckenTexanMoto is back again with yet another unfortunate sexual experience: “I wrecked my motorcycle weeks before and had to have surgery. At this point, I had regained most of my mobility in that arm and was starting to trust the strength in it again. There we were, her arms wrapped around my neck and my arms under her knees, holding her up with my hands on her ass… when all of the sudden, I felt a pop and stabbing pain in my collarbone. I immediately fell on top of her (onto the bed) and powered through what can only be described as white hot pain.”
This Person Accidentally Shit on Their Partner (And the Entire Room)
“I’m a squirter, and I was riding a Tinder date after a long night of fucking,” commenter burt_macklina writes. “We just finished dinner (Mexican take-out), and I jumped on him while he was watching TV on the couch. Well, I had diarrhea on him when I came. I felt liquid between us, and at first I thought it was just me squirting, because it’s not exactly abnormal for me to make a mess. But it felt hot and heavy. I lifted myself off of him, and then I saw it: A literal puddle of shit on his lap, couch, carpet, stairs and white shower curtain.”
This Person Banged a Cowboy Wannabe
“I once had sex with a guy who insisted on putting ‘Some People Call Me The Space Cowboy’ on during sex… on repeat,” says commenter 69hardboiledeggs. “He kept forgetting to put it on repeat on his iTunes, so halfway through the next song on the list, he would realize and get up to put Space Cowboy back on. At one point, he put a cowboy hat on my head.”
This Person Accidentally Bit The Clit
“I started going down on my then-girlfriend,” explains commenter Jgarr86. “She was wearing a thong, and I thought it would be sexy to try and move it to the side with my tongue. Every time I made progress, though, the elastic would slip back into place. Getting a bit frustrated, I tried to gently bite the elastic to pull the thong over to the side. That’s when I heard a ‘crunch’ and a scream. I accidentally bit her clitoris, and she started bleeding. It was about as awful as you could imagine.”
This Person Accidentally Came on Their Own Face
“I slipped a disk while running,” commenter Gognoggler21 explains. “Then, later that night, I tried to have sex. But I couldn’t do doggy without being in so much pain, so I had to lay on my back. She rode me, but I was still in so much pain, so I told her. She was so understanding that she climbed off and gave me head, which felt really nice. Anyway, she needed a short break, so she was giving me a hand job, and as I was about to cum, my back began to hurt again. So I awkwardly moved up, and just as I was moving, I came all over my face.”
“She laughed, and I laughed once I came down from the orgasm,” Gognoggler21 continues. “I just laid there in pain while she licked some of it off of my face and wiped the rest off with a wet towel and then gave me a back massage. It was definitely memorable.”
Ian Lecklitner
Ian Lecklitner is a staff writer at MEL Magazine. He mostly writes about everyone's favorite things: Sex, drugs and food.
