Every day, porn star and University of Southern California journalism grad student Tasha Reign wakes up to a curious string of emails from her fans, a devoted group of men and women she lovingly refers to as “Reigndeer.” Said Reigndeer ask her questions — so many questions — about her perspectives on sex, love, relationships and life itself, and as someone who’s had more firsthand experience in these areas than four adult women combined, she’s become uniquely up to the task of answering them. Once a week then, Tasha will select a few of these questions and grace us with her insight, advice and expert wisdom in the hopes that she can help you fuck and love better, too.
The guy I’m dating is amazing. The only thing is that he’s sober. I know that’s great for him, but does it mean he’s really messed up? I’ve never dated an addict before.
I’m so happy you asked this question! My boyfriend of nine months is sober, and I was curious about his past when I first met him, too. I’ve known plenty of addicts, but only ones who still were using, so I had a lot of questions for him.
The biggest one I had was how long he’d been sober. Initially, I was concerned he might relapse, but that’s not something I think about much anymore because he’s been sober for over two years. I’m aware that it’s a possibility and have prepared myself for it — he’s human, after all — but it was helpful for me to know how long he’d been at it. In fact, the more questions I asked, the more relaxed about the whole thing I felt. I’d recommend you do the same. There’s really not enough education around addiction and sobriety, so the more you open up the conversation and get to know that side of him, the more comfortable you’ll feel.
In my experience, sober people have a tendency to be extremely focused, reflective, intense, self-aware and motivated. Usually, this is because they’ve spent so much time working on themselves in rehab, therapy, AA or just on their own. In fact, I think that’s why my partner is so emotionally intelligent — in order to get sober, he had to understand how his actions were affecting other people, which meant he had to learn to pick up on all the little signals in their body language, tone and words that indicate how they’re feeling. If anything, that makes him more evolved than a lot of men I’ve dated.
So, back to your question: Are sober people more messed up? Not necessarily. Again, in my experience, they’re actually more together. I know there are exceptions, but people who aren’t sober are also pretty messed up as well. How many people do you know who have addictive tendencies but aren’t getting the help they need? I can name a few…
Sometimes, it’s easier to make assumptions about people or not critically assess why we feel the way we feel about them, or the groups they belong to. However, it’s always been my experience that being open-minded and dating people I wouldn’t normally date leads to more successful relationships.
Oh, and one other thing: I don’t know if there’s anything better than waking up to a partner who never has a hangover. It makes the morning hours very, er, “productive.”
How do I find a dominant woman? I have submissive desires and want to practice BDSM, but I’ve never encountered a woman who wants to do the things I want done to me (cock-and-ball torture, choking, humiliation, that kind of thing).
I think people of all genders fantasize about being dominated by a woman. You can go scouting for them a couple different ways, but the simplest one is always to use specific fetish-friendly sites such as Seeking Arrangement, SubSeekingDom or Sub-or-Dom. FetLife is a social networking site for kinky people where you can meet tons of amazing like-minded perverts and find out about BDSM classes and events in your area, but it’s not the best for dating or hooking up. The dating app Feeld has a lot of kinky people on it, too!
But before you go galavanting for femdom on the internet, I’d take a moment to do some self-reflection about your submissive desires. In general, doms like to play with subs who are clear about what they’re looking for out of a BDSM interaction because it helps them respect your boundaries and go deeper into your fantasies, so write down exactly what you want to experience. If you can communicate these things to a dominant woman you’re interested in, it’ll tell her you’ve thought about them responsibly, and I can almost guarantee you she’ll be impressed.
Equally as important is letting her know what you can do for her. As a submissive, what services can you provide? How will you show your obedience and commitment to her? In general, doms like to be worshipped and adored, so it wouldn’t hurt to tell her what it is about her that makes you want to do her bidding.
Another option is to date a woman who isn’t necessarily dominant but might be open to the idea. Once you’re comfortable with each other, you can start branching out and exploring that dom/sub dynamic. It may take more time, but I recommend this option if you’re looking for a more long-term situation where you can grow your sexualities together. I practice soft BDSM in my bedroom, such as handcuffs, spanking, masks, but nothing like I’ve performed on film because my boyfriend isn’t super into that lifestyle. It’s all about finding a balance between what you like and what your partner enjoys.
I understand that bringing up this fetish can be daunting sometimes, but rest assured: BDSM has become much more normalized over the years. So don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and be willing to negotiate to your partner’s comfort level. Good luck!
I’m a 24-year-old guy, and my dad recently got remarried to someone who has a daughter my age. Every time we’re together, I swear there’s so much sexual tension between us. She recently told me she’s attracted to me, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. But I also can’t shake the feeling that it would be wrong to go there with her. I can’t believe I’m asking this, but should I fuck my step-sister?
I grew up in a typical Orange County family with six siblings, four divorces and lots of step-siblings, so I have two immediate and completely opposing reactions to your question:
- Absolutely do not fuck your step-sister. That will make every family dinner, vacation, wedding, birthday and event so fucking awkward, and not just for you. Your parents will probably pick up on the fact that there’s something going on between you and innocently ask you what’s wrong, which will mean you’ll have to make up some story about why you’re both acting so weird. Trust me: Having sex with literally any other woman on the planet will lead to a better outcome. Feel free to masturbate to the fantasy all day long, but for the love of god, don’t do this.
- More philosophically, it shouldn’t really matter if you bang your step-sister. After all, you’re not biologically related. You can do what you like with your sexuality. It’s not your fault that your dad married someone with a hot daughter that you’re attracted to. If she’s into it too, you can keep it a dirty little secret that makes the whole thing even sexier.
If it were me, though, I’d go with my first response. I’m progressive in a lot of ways, and your fantasy isn’t a bad one, but I just don’t see a world where fucking your step-sister is a good idea. Not because it’s morally wrong or anything like that — it isn’t. It’s just that I want to shelter you from the storm of awkwardness and wonky family dynamics that it’ll probably create. In the meantime, maybe this article about step-sibling sex will help you process some of those feelings and understand the tension you’re having a little bit better.
So, again, my advice: Have fun with the fantasy, but keep it just that.
Feel free to send me your sex, love and relationship questions at tashareign1@gmail.com.
Tasha Reign
Tasha Reign is an adult actress and patron of the art of dating, love, and everything sex related. She has given a decade of her life to the sex industry and gone on enough dates for all of Los Angeles combined. Ask her your questions and she'll do personal research to provide her best answers. She can be reached at Tashareign1@gmail.com.
