Five years ago, an anonymous redditor posted a story about his sex worker girlfriend to r/relationships that was immediately taken over by members of r/TheRedPill. A sexual strategy subreddit for men who see themselves as oppressed victims of feminism and liberal politics, the now-quarantined subreddit’s unifying mission is to optimize male sex lives by helping them maintain a “dominant” role. In the post, the man recounted what it was like to discover that his girlfriend gave happy-ending prostate massages to her clients. After talking to her about it, he decided he had no qualms, but a few red-pillers couldn’t help but roast him for being chill about where she chose to put her fingers.
“Someone has GOT to PM him and bring up the prostate massage,” one commenter wrote. “Oh, man… too funny.” Another person eloquently pointed out that she “sticks her fingers in dudes’ assholes and diddles their bum[s]” before following up with a “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”
As you might guess, prostate play probably isn’t the most popular pastime among red-pilled men. As members of the “manosphere” — a cadre of misogynistic and dude-centric subcultures like incels, men’s right activists, pick-up artists and Men Going Their Own Way — they generally aspire to strict, traditional gender roles that advance cartoonish stereotypes about men and women, particularly when it comes to sex. In the red-pill bedroom, men are typically portrayed as dominant penetrators, and women, passive and servile holes. Any variation is seen as a glitch in the “natural order” (though there are a few trans and queer manosphere members to whom that convention doesn’t apply). Prostate play — which requires men to be the holes — doesn’t exactly fit the bill.
To some extent, these ideas are just an extension of the butt-stuff aversion many men have been socialized to feel, red pill or otherwise (though that’s definitely changing). But the red-pill brand of prostate denial has a vibe all its own. These are men who are emblematically and fraternally committed to the idea of dominance, but who consciously chose a path that could weaken them in the end.
This is most visible in the red-pill archetype of the “alpha.” According to red-pill hubbub, an alpha is an aspirationally dominant man who “leads,” doesn’t “take shit from women” and has cracked whatever code he believes stands in between him and the sort of dispassionate, male-led relationships he desires. Per red-pill convention, the alpha male believes the role of the woman is to “serve,” but if he’s caught showing her any sort of empathy or undeserved affection, it’s game over — faltering in his alpha pursuits gets him slapped with the dreaded label of “beta.”
A beta is a “lesser” man who has, for whatever reason, let dominance slip from his grasp. Beta guys simp for women, take on provider-based roles and are content being “followers,” all of which makes them “low value” males to both women and society. According to David Futrelle, a journalist and founder of the manosphere-tracking blog We Hunted the Mammoth, women who wind up with beta guys are often seen as “settling”; they’re more interested in them for their money or resources than because they’re real, demonstrable men.
The problem with this binary man-system is that there’s nothing less alpha than being terrified of a small, walnut-shaped butt organ that gives you unspeakable orgasms. In fact, the beta approach to prostate play — i.e., being open to it — is the one that would undoubtedly lead to stronger, healthier, more virile men.
A cursory look at the realities of prostate health reveals why. Prostate cancer is the second most common cancer in men, and prostatitis — inflammation of the prostate — is one of the most common diagnoses made by urologists, accounting for at least 2 million cases a year. Benign enlarged prostates — which can cause urinary and ejaculatory problems — are an issue for roughly half of men over 50. All of these things — as well as incontinence, testicular pain and randomly bloody semen — can be staved off through regular ejaculation and, you guessed it, prostate stimulation.
Most people who have a prostate are cis men, and cis men make up the vast majority of the red-pill community, a group whose explicit mission is to “increase men’s sexual power and options.” So, by that very simple logic, wouldn’t that mean that playing around with your prostate every now and then would be the ultimate way to achieve that goal? Considering that prostate stimulation can also help with premature ejaculation, help you fuck for hours and make you more attractive to the 80 percent of women who would gladly stimulate a prostate if asked, I’ll go out on a limb and say “yes.”
Yet, despite this relatively obvious hole in the matrix, some red-pill guys seem pathologically committed to framing prostates as one-touch emasculation buttons, even when the rationale for stimulating them is medical. In one thread on r/TheRedPill entitled “An Experiment of Pleasure,” a commenter warns of the consequences of avoiding masturbation, advising anyone thinking about no-fapping to “come up with a plan to keep [your] prostate in good shape.” He then mentions that “medics” recommend people with prostates jack off 20 or more times a month (which, by the way, is true).
Naturally, his advice didn’t fly. “Medics also think it’s good when you’re being a good little beta boy,” one person replied. “Just stop justifying fingering your asshole and just let it be,” says another. “I promise it will not kill you.” A third takes a more objective approach, pointing out that there can be an “interesting duality between what the red pill says and what medical professionals say.”
That’s not to say some red-pillers don’t let themselves taste the forbidden fruit. It’s just that when they do, it’s critically important to them to remain alpha at all costs.
Thankfully, one “top-level alpha” red-piller — who made sure to note how much he loves fucking women in the ass — has a solution: “Recently I’ve been ordering [women] to pull on a small strap-on and peg me as I balance on all fours, maintaining my dominance by growling deeply and ordering them to perform the simultaneous reach around,” he wrote on r/TheRedPill. “It massages your prostate, and the orgasms where you just spurt all over the floor are intense. Maintain your alpha position, however. You’ll notice women and f*ggots unconsciously adopt a lordosis position when getting buttfucked. Don’t do this, as it’s a submissive gesture that will send the wrong message. Keep your back straight. You’re a man.”
Most of the comments were things like, “Why did I read this,” and “Bruh, I know it’s April Fool’s but, really?” But despite how insane it sounds, Futrelle says comments like this are generally sincere. “They generally think this is how the world works,” he explains. “They’re talking about prostate stimulation like it’s the worst thing she could do,” wrote a confused redditor about the red pill’s stance on prostate stuff. “As a guy that has his best orgasms this way, I don’t understand how guys can be against them so much.”
Prostate expert Forrest Andrews says he might. As the man behind Aneros, one of the world’s most popular prostate stimulators, and a long-time moderator of a prostate-play forum, he’s seen his fair share of men who clutch their pearls over taking on what they see as a “feminine” role. “My guess is that the idea of penetration and the experience of an internal orgasm is threatening to them because it’s something women do,” he says — though it’s worth pointing out that the majority of women cum from external stimulation to the clit. “In their universe, being fulfilled by such stimulation is tantamount to emasculation.”
Roosh V, the controversial alt-right pick-up artist who holds the title of the “web’s most infamous misogynist,” is a perfect example. As Futrelle points out, he was so worried about the “gayifying effect of asses” that he warned men that “too much interest in female asses could be the first step on the slippery slope to gayness.” “He also complained that women expect him to wipe his ass thoroughly before dates,” Futrelle says. (What a simp!)
But perhaps the biggest threat prostates pose to the manosphere isn’t to their masculinity — it’s to their entire reason for existing. As one former red-piller points out, enjoying prostate stimulation could mean that men can pleasure themselves better than someone else can, a dangerous concept for groups who think male sexuality is about dominating others, that alpha behavior means juggling multiple partners at once and that self-pleasure “lessens the elements of what makes you a man.” Put another way, prostate play might mean guys could be sexually satisfied on their own, an iteration of reality that would nullify the need for a sexual strategizing ideology altogether.
Which, of course, brings us to our next point: Not every special snowflake in the manosphere snow globe has a problem with prostates or butt stuff. Not even close — most couldn’t care less about other men’s sexuality or what they do with their prostates, and a few have even pointed out that the most red-pill stance would be, “Do whatever you like, and fuck the opinions of others.”
There are even a few brave souls who admit to enjoying it, and some, like this redditor, have even come to see it as alpha. “I talked to TRP the other day, and they said prostate stimulation is super alpha because it shows you’re comfortable with your sexuality and masculinity,” they say. “Anyone who says different is a faux red pill wannabe. You can’t actually be a true red pill unless you’ve had your prostate stimulated at least five times.”
Well, guys, better get counting.
Isabelle Kohn
Isabelle Kohn is a sex and relationships journalist, educator and consultant who, for some reason, keeps writing about livestock instead. She writes features and long-form pieces for MEL, usually without the help of Clippy.
