I Tested Lisa Rinna’s Revolutionary Hand-Job Technique

Lisa Rinna recently tweeted back at me after I thanked her for changing the way I touch penises:

Some context: I read her self-help manual Rinnavation while on a family vacation earlier this year. (Most books written by Real Housewives should be saved for a vacation.) The book is a series of insights Rinna, who is married to Harry Hamlin, has gathered over the years — e.g., recognizing why investing in an outfit you can’t afford often proves to be a smart career move. “The designer was Tom Ford for Gucci; he wasn’t a big name then but I sensed he would be,” she writes. “The dress cost $1,300, which I didn’t have, but my instincts told me to go for it, so I maxed out my credit card. That dress changed everything for me.”

As for hand jobs, prior to reading Rinnavation, I didn’t think they required much skill. Most people who give hand jobs either mimic how they hold their own dick or mimic how their partner holds their own dick. Typically, this involves a full-handed grip, in which your palm folds over the penis like a bun over a hot dog. (Another way I like to think of it — like pumping air into a soccer ball.) From there, it’s a steady up-and-down movement, tip to shaft, back and forth (rinse and repeat). You get it. But Rinna doesn’t play this way. She touches Hamlin’s dick with potent grace. Here’s her advice directly from the book:

“Basically, it is the first and most important step to giving great oral sex. Form the Seal by closing your thumb and index finger around your mouth like you’re making the ‘okay’ sign. Then with your thumb and forefinger, tighten and release the pressure. This, known as the Ring, controls how deeply the penis enters your mouth. By using The Seal and the Ring, you can create a deep throat sensation without taking the entire penis into your mouth (this move also prevents gagging). … Continue to let your hands help you. Use your Seal and Ring hand to twist the shaft.”

Sounds a lot like The Secret, right?

After I returned home from vacation, I excitedly wrapped my fingers around my boyfriend’s dick precisely according to Rinna’s advice. It was funny at first — i.e., to tightly envelope my thumb and index fingers around the penis in a form that resembles Mr. Peanut’s monocle. But I could tell immediately how much he liked it. Needless to say, I haven’t cupped my hand around his dick like a folded piece of bread ever since.

Admittedly, though, I’m no hand-job authority, and so, I decided to consult Southern California’s premier hand-job evangelist — sex coach, theorist and educator Ashley Manta — about Rinna’s technique. She currently teaches the “10 Commandments of Hand Sex” master class online, which includes an instructional video series, a hand-pleasure checklist, body pleasure roadmap and Touch automatic lube warmer and dispenser. Her expert take:

“I’m familiar with these techniques — even though I don’t call it by those names — and they’re a good one. They’re effective for the receiver because you have a band of pressure around the cock, and if it’s lubed properly — spit isn’t lube, use actual lube! — it can create delicious sensations and help the giver feel more comfortable if they struggle with a high gag reflex or their jaw is getting sore. Overall, it’s a good technique to prolong the oral experience.

“In addition to making your fingers into an okay sign as Rinna suggests, you can also use your whole fist with the same effect, or use a masturbation sleeve like the Sidekick 2 from Vibratex that wraps around the shaft of the cock but leaves the head exposed for sucking and teasing. I also recommend the ‘reclining diamond’ technique, in which the receiving partner lays on their back with their legs spread and the giving partner sits between the receiver’s legs.

“More largely, I want people to see hand sex — i.e., cock or pussy massage — as a meal all its own, not just a quick stop on the way to oral sex or intercourse. Making eye contact, slowing down and taking your time rather than rushing toward an arbitrary goal — as well as checking in with your partner to make sure they’re having just as much fun as you are — are keys to a fulfilling sexual relationship. So much of sex these days is disconnected and routine — it’s the same thing every time.

“That’s why I want to revitalize hand sex and make it more dynamic, exciting and pleasurable, so that people actually give it a chance to be great. Most hand jobs I’ve seen don’t even use lube, or attempt to use spit as lube (rarely effective for long). They’re also often half-hearted, limp-wristed, quick-jerk-on-the-way-to-a-blowjob kind of hand jobs. My mission then is to give people the practical tools to have better sexual experiences. Part of it’s technique, part of it’s mindset, and part of it is having the right tools at your fingertips, pun intended.”

I’m certainly a convert. Almost enough to see what a $1,300 Tom Ford dress I don’t have the money for can do for me, too.

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Tierney Finster

Tierney Finster is a journalist, screenwriter, actor and model from Los Angeles, California. She is a contributing writer at MEL, specializing in love, sex, mental health, drugs, queer culture and the cannabis industry. She has written for publications such as Playboy, Purple, Dazed and Confused, Jezebel and Broadly and was the key researcher behind Sex On, HBO’s revival of its iconoclastic docu-series Real Sex.