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It’s Okay to Dick Shame the President

He’s like the most powerful person in the world—so, you know, he should be able to take it

Existing in 2018 and not completely losing your mind is a tricky balance. You have to pay attention to news because that’s all anyone talks about, but you have to eventually disengage so you don’t become someone who tweets about game theory all day or alleges that Steve Bannon might get the death penalty.

There is, however, a silver lining to living in the stupidest time in history: There’s plenty of fodder for comedy to go around. Thank god for levity!!!!

The latest example is this instant classic excerpt from Stormy Daniels new book Full Disclosure: “I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart. It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

Now, there are a lot of reasons why making fun of an average person’s dick publicly is in bad taste. It’s mean. It usually gets corny. And it’s basically body shaming. So if someone is a jerk, you can probably find other ways to make fun of them — in fact, if you can’t, you’re boring.

Trump, however, isn’t the average person. He’s a racist, sexist baby with the thinnest skin imaginable.

Basically, there’s no going higher here — especially because body shaming doesn’t exist in this context as Trump is one of the most powerful people on the planet. That is, he’s orders of magnitude removed from the marginalized communities we’re trying to protect when we ask people to not joke about race, ability, height, weight or intelligence.

With that in mind, here’s a recipe from Allrecipes for Hungarian mushroom soup:

Ingredients:

  • 4 tablespoons unsalted butter
  • 2 cups chopped onions
  • 1 pound fresh mushrooms, sliced
  • 2 teaspoons dried dill weed
  • 1 tablespoon paprika
  • 1 tablespoon soy sauce
  • 2 cups chicken broth
  • 1 cup milk
  • 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 teaspoons lemon juice
  • 1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
  • 1/2 cup sour cream
  • Ground black pepper to taste

Directions: Melt the butter in a large pot over medium heat. Saute the onions in the butter for 5 minutes. Add the mushrooms and saute for 5 more minutes. Stir in the dill, paprika, soy sauce and broth. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 15 minutes.

In a separate small bowl, whisk the milk and flour together. Pour this into the soup and stir well to blend. Cover and simmer for 15 more minutes, stirring occasionally.

Finally, stir in the salt, ground black pepper, lemon juice, parsley and sour cream. Mix together and allow to heat through over low heat, about 3 to 5 minutes. Do not boil. Serve immediately.