It’s a glorious day when mankind — and we do mean mankind — bravely pushes through the confusion and wilderness of uncharted sexual territory only to discover something in practice for thousands of years. Today, that’s the Kivin Method, a sideways oral sex technique that promises to give all types of women guaranteed, earth-shattering clitoral orgasms in 12 minutes (or 10 minutes, or five, if you’re nasty).
I understand you’ll have some questions.
Uh, yeah. Let’s cut to the chase. How the hell do I Kivin my lady?
It’s a two-step dance. You, the man or woman giving oral, will be lying sideways while the receiving partner is on her back, so that your tongue can sweep across her clitoral hood between two points sometimes described as little grains of rice, while your finger pushes on the perineum (or taint) at the same time.
Go on.
The two points on either side of the clitoris you’re hitting are called the K points, and the taint is the C point. Theoretically, her taint becomes an orgasm readout: It vibrates as she gets close to getting off so you can close that deal. By working the two Ks and the C simultaneously, bingo. So what makes this method special is you can not only make her orgasm fast, but monitor whether it’s working without having to stop and ask her.
Okay, let’s take a step back. Who or what exactly is a Kivin? And why does he (or she?) have a method?
The Kivin Method appears on various sex sites and forums, including pornier ones, and gets a passing reference in a 2003 Atlantic story on “Sex Week at Yale” (shudder). There’s a defunct website for the so-called Kivin Method®, which refers to the “new discovery of Mr. Kivin’s erogenous zones Points K and C” (which only exists on a forum).
A tantric site refers to it as the “Kivin Method of Female Oral Stimulation,” and says it took 30 years to research. Uh, it took a man 30 years to realize you could turn sideways on a clit?
But it’s also sometimes credited to sex therapist Patti Britton, who seems to have introduced the idea at a conference in Paris in 2001. She tells Men’s Health U.K. that it “gives 60 percent of women a faster and more intense orgasm because it stimulates more of the clitoris.”
It’s also, apparently, called Tahitian cunnilingus, and though it’s unclear exactly why, I can take an educated guess: Thanks to some novelists, and in particular, a missionary named William Ellis who wrote a lot about the Tahitians in the early 1800s, Tahitians were long cast as “wanton, amoral heathens” who had a lot of sex. His portrayal was so effective that even the encyclopedia says the stereotype of extreme sexual promiscuity is one of the most “publicized and misconceived aspects” of Polynesian culture.
Regardless, it’s considered a “new and effective way” to polish the pearl, as well as the “fastest way to get your woman to climax.”
What’s the new part?
It seems highly unlikely no one thought to incorporate the taint into oral until some Kivin situation arrived on the scene. But it seems like what’s novel here is identifying those two rice things on the clitoris.
Sex educators Chris and Charlotte Rose, who do a podcast called Speaking of Sex as the Pleasure Mechanics and share resources on how to be a good sex person, note that they aren’t too sure about the whole rice bumps thing, as “every clitoris feels different and has different textures.”
Still, they explain this oral sex technique as a perfectly valid option to try, with caveats, provided you proceed as you would with any oral or fingering: clean hands, short nails, and being a little flexible not just physically compared how you might normally go down, but also in your willingness to vary it up if necessary or abandon the approach altogether if it isn’t working. In their view, the method’s biggest selling point is its focus on getting that feedback from the perineum without having to stop and interview your lady.
The C point is how to get immediate feedback from the woman that you are in the right place. … The reason you will get immediate feedback is when your tongue is stroking in the correct place, the woman will experience involuntary, preorgasmic contractions in this area. Your finger doesn’t move; it stays still, because if you do move your finger you may move her concentration from the clitoral hood area to the perineum. By reading her body, you will be able to maintain correct tongue placement without wondering, “Am I there? Where is there? Have I moved from there?”
They add that you can vary the positioning a little bit, too. In one adjustment, the woman “curls her legs up to her chest and the man uses his arm to keep them pushed back and stabilized.” This makes her “very widely spread open” for maximum sensations.
So the perineum is like a “she’s gonna cum” button?
Basically. But, spoiler: It’s not the only one. (More on that below.)
This sounds like a self-help scam designed to take my money.
Anything called a method or technique sounds like you’ll at least be out the cost of an ebook — but the Kivin method, like Jennifer Lopez’s love, don’t cost a thing.
Does it really work?
On Reddit, a man tells r/sex that thanks to this rapid-release technique, his wife had an orgasm in five minutes. “We had actually had really great results!” he wrote.
He even drew a diagram for those who were confused.
How do we know that Reddit sex guy is not just a braggart, or Kivin himself?
Excellent skepticism. Back at the Pleasure Mechanics, Chris and Charlotte devote an entire podcast to what’s really going on with the Kivin technique. While they do think it’s worth a shot, their main beef with this approach is that anything that promises “the one stroke you’ll ever need” is a red flag. Not because it can’t work, but because nothing can really be a one-size-clits-all sex move.
“We are fans of stroking the clitoris, just find whatever works for you,” they explain. “There are many ways of stroking the clitoris. The key is just to be stroking the clitoris. We don’t feel like there’s one particular way, and are actually quite wary of anyone who talks about one particular way. We are more pluralistic and encourage you to touch all parts of the body and especially the clitoris and vulva in as many ways as you can. Find what you like, and certainly try out all sorts of things, but it’s important not to get stuck in one particular methodology.”
But that doesn’t mean it won’t work!
True, but more specifically, their concern is that if the technique hinges entirely on feeling for pre-orgasmic contraction flutters on the taint, you are more likely to detect that train a’ comin’ with your fingers inside her vagina. As they explain, as anyone, male or female, nears orgasm, the pelvic muscles flutter. Similarly to helping men isolate their orgasm from ejaculation, with women, they say, you can feel those pre-orgasmic contractions “way better with your fingers inside. It’s the vaginal wall and uterus that are going to start contracting.”
That sensation is, they say, information that “sensitizes you” as a lover and tells you whether to amp it up or “hold steady.” But the key is, you have to figure this out one person at a time, one session at a time.
So I still have to do the work?
Unfortunately, yeah. But that doesn’t mean it’s a complete waste. The Pleasure Mechanics offer their listeners a challenge: Try it both ways — with a finger on the perineum, and fingers inside the vagina. “See which area is easier for you to feel the preorgasmic contractions,” they say.
That means you’ll have to go down on her at least twice to find out.
And she still might not like it?
Of course, it may not work at all. One woman on Reddit commented that she “loathes side to side” and that men “think it’s a hidden secret path to the greatest orgasms ever known so they keep going.”
You’re still an orgasm detective, buddy.
In the end, you’ll still have to ask some questions and do some fact-finding. Another Reddit commenter reminds everyone something we should all take note of: “There is no single oral sex technique that works on all women. … What you describe is a good technique and people aiming to be better at giving great oral to women should always try out new techniques. However; the best tech is still to get the woman to explain as much as she knows about what makes her orgasm.”
And then, do it.
Tracy Moore
Tracy Moore is a staff writer at MEL. She covers all the soft sciences like psychology, sex, relationships and parenting, but since this is a men’s magazine, occasionally the hard ones. Formerly at Jezebel.
