What a week, you guys. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemies. Thankfully, while the world burned, MEL turned… out some excellent content! Here’s what I didn’t cover this week:
For tears: There was plenty to cry about in real life, so how about some tears of joy? Especially for these former virgins who managed to find love[making] in the strangest of places: A subreddit.
For lols: Point and laugh at the dude who announced to his entire plane-mates that he’d be proposing to his girlfriend on their impending flight. What? She said yes??? Next to the lavatory?!?
For help: The “sober month”—aka Drynuary or Sober for October—might seem like a healthy break from drinking, but there are actually a ton of downsides.
If none of the above is doing anything for you, here’s the best of the rest from The Week That Was…
Must Reads
“The Death of Male Pajamas”
It might seem strange now, but not even 40 years ago, men’s sleepwear was more about fashion than it was about practicality. So why don’t guys get dressed up for bed anymore? And what changed in the 1950s that led men to drop the nightshirts that had served us so well for hundreds of years—only to be replaced by Russian military-inspired jammies? READ MORE
“Inside the Lawless New World of Electric-Scooter Hacking”
Birds: You either love ’em or hate ’em. For the people in the latter camp, they really fucking hate ’em. And that hate has led to a cottage industry, if you can call it that, of breaking and/or hacking the electric scooters. Cutting brake lines, scamming unlimited free rides and documenting the carnage on social media has revealed one unshakeable truth: These scooters were made to be broken — and broken into. READ MORE
“The Men Who Deliberately Friend-Zone Themselves”
Conventional wisdom suggests that guys don’t put themselves in the friend zone, they get put there. But that isn’t necessarily the case — Bridget Phetasy has 20,000 words from men who have willingly self-friend zoned, and their reasons for doing so actually make some sense. READ MORE
“The Unlikely YouTube Superstardom of Dr. Gregory Johnson, ‘Your Houston Chiropractor’”
You might not think a chiropractor would be able to contend with the likes of Pewdiepie, the Slo Mo Guys and Screen Junkies, but that’s exactly what Dr. Gregory Johnson has done. Johnson, who kicks off each neck-cracking video with “Hi, this is your Houston Chiropractor,” (swoon) has racked up more than 170,000 subscribers who can’t take their eyes — and ears — off the good doctor and his patented adjustment, the “Ring Dinger.” READ MORE
Five Things We Learned This Week
- Apollo Creed had the worst fucking manager. Here is the world champion, at the top of his game, and what does this “manager” guy do? He books two fights against Rocky Balboa—a southpaw, no less—the first of which turns Creed into a bloody pulp, and the second of which ends in Rocky kicking his ass. Then, in Rocky IV, he pits him against Ivan Drago, and Creed gets killed in the ring. smdh.
- Your baby can smell the “loser” you. No seriously, toddlers as young as 20 months know the difference between winners and losers, and they like winners more. So the next time you let your wife out-flank you in an argument, think of the children.
- If you’re going to drink soda, drink the clear stuff. That’s because, while they’re still chock full of sugar, at least clear sodas like 7Up and Sprite don’t have caramel coloring and the high levels of caffeine that’ll really fuck you up.
- Female cheerleaders are a recent phenomenon. In fact, it was an all-male pursuit as recently as the end of World War II. Here’s what changed.
- Young Republicans all look like they’re 15 going on 80. Don’t believe me? Check out this guy:
That Blue Plate Special is in college.
The Week in Quotes
Incels fucking love Brett Kavanaugh. That’s because, in the wake of Christine Blasey Ford’s sexual assault allegations, Kavanaugh defended himself by claiming he was a virgin until college. He was rightly clowned on for admitting one thing that had nothing to do with the other. But that mocking caused Incels to cry out in unison, “One of us!”
You’d only need to witness the mysterious flash of life and vitality that occurs in people just before they die to challenge your pre-conceived notions of what the soul is. Doctors who have seen these impossible mental and physical feats have a name for what they’ve observed: “Terminal lucidity.” And it’s given rise to the notion that, when we die, our minds somehow transcend our bodies, brains and even the physical realm altogether.
There are ways to clean your dick, and then there’s the Tiffany Haddish Method—i.e, “soaking your dog” in baking soda. If that sounds a little sketch, you wouldn’t be wrong. But hey, it’s not like your junk’s going to fall off, right?
And Now, A Word from Our Readers…
“When a Man Who Gets Whatever He Wants Is Denied One Thing at Last”
“Olive Oil Could Be the Secret to Preventing Erectile Dysfunction”
“The Men Who Deliberately Friend-Zone Themselves”
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
