Article Thumbnail

ICYMI: Jellyfish—It’s What’s For Dinner, a Four Year-Old on the End of Crocs and the Man with the…

ICYMI: Jellyfish—It’s What’s For Dinner, a Four Year-Old on the End of Crocs and the Man with the Fastest Feet in the West

I don’t know how I feel about Crocs and the news that they are, essentially, dead. Yes, they’re ugly as sin. Yes, they should never be worn outside. And yes, people who wear socks with their Crocs should have their heads examined.

And yet… I kind of want some Crocs? At least before they fade away and turn into an anachronism. I mean, have you ever worn a pair? There’s a reason why, for one magical year in 2006 (the Year of Crocs), they were hot shit: A) They’re comfortable—if you’re on your feet a lot, they’re like pillows of sunshine; and B) they’re also dirt cheap.

Of course, not everyone agrees—but I think those people are all secretly Croc honks who’d wear the shit out of them if style, or self-respect, wasn’t an issue.

Stop lying to yourselves!

But enough about me—hear what a four year-old Croc fanatic thinks about the brand’s demise, as well as everything else that was great today, below.

Must Read

Bourbon-Flavored Jellyfish Chips, Squid Like Pulled Pork and Octopus Like Butter
We’ve seen the future of food, and it includes a lot more jellyfish. That’s because, at the rate we’re chowing down, there won’t be a fish left in the sea in 50 years. Zaron Burnett recently spoke to a preeminent jellyfish scholar about why even eating all that jellyfish won’t save us from climate change and when you’ll likely be able to order jellyfish at a restaurant near you. READ MORE

A Four-Year-Old on the ‘Crocs-Pocalypse’

Bad news, Crocs fans: The much maligned (but equally celebrated?) rubber clog brand has decided to close its last remaining manufacturing plant, to the dismay of chefs, nurses and the style-challenged everywhere. But perhaps their biggest fans have been the children; we spoke to one child who has taken the news… poorly.

Henry, 4-Year-Old Preschooler and Proud Owner of Glow-in-the-Dark Stormtrooper Crocs
Henry’s Dad:
What do you think if there aren’t Crocs anymore?
Henry: You’re gonna give them to another kid?
Henry’s Dad: No, they just might not make them anymore.
Henry: I don’t want Stormtrooper shoes anymore. I want good-guy shoes.
Henry’s Dad: What if you can’t get those either?
Henry [with much resignation]: Ohhhhhhhhhh.

It’s not just poor Henry who’s taking the news badly. Here’s what a bartender, a retiree, a podiatrist and a nurse have to say about the death of comfort.

The Best- (and Worst) Dressed Men at Your Office: A List

Sorry, Steve. You are NOT, the best dressed man at your office, according to this very unscientific poll by Trunk Club, a Nordstrom-owned personal shopper and stylist service that sends clothes directly to your home. These dudes are:

  1. John
  2. Tom
  3. Tim

Rounding out the low end for worst dressed:

  1. Mike
  2. Bob
  3. Steve 🙁

Staff writer Tracy Moore has a few ideas why this list is, well, the way it is. And hey, Steve, would it kill you to put on a tie?!?!

The Fleetest-Footed Feet

Dudes like to brag: Biggest dicks, yugest crowds, and now, the fastest feet. Luis Badillo Jr., aka King Feet, is a self-taught footwork trainer based in Miami. He’s also the owner of a 365,000-follower Instagram account dedicated to—what else?—his feet.

Dang. That was fast. Read why Badillo would like you to believe he’s got the world’s fastest feet, and why athletes like Cristiano Ronaldo and Atlanta Falcon Devonta Freeman (among others) are lining up to learn his secrets.

Guys, You’re Doing Feminism Wrong

In 2018, we should all be feminists, and not just in name—in action. After all, feminism is the belief that women deserve equal rights in all arenas. And the idea that we should all be feminists is backed up by the fact that nine out of ten men believe in its basic tenets. And yet, as Miles Klee argues, men are turning themselves into knots trying to distance themselves from the “feminist” label because of the perception that “feminism” is a dirty word—or to ally themselves with it in an effort to appear woke.

You Dip, I Dip, We Dip

Hahahah, classic George. Here’s a question though: Who’s actually right in this situation? Is double-dipping really that bad? Clemson University attempted to get to the bottom of this spinach-and-artichoke-dip conundrum. Here’s what they found.

Too Long, Didn’t Read

Okay, sure, Idris Elba has confirmed that he actually isn’t in the running to be the next James Bond. But the fact that it was even a rumor brings up an interesting question: Are we ready for a Black Bond? Or, as some have suggested, is the role so fraught with negative baggage that people of color should stay away from Bond altogether?