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ICYMI: Being Gay in Prison, ‘Jelqing’ and Watching You Watch Porn

The Week That Was in MEL

This week, we covered a lot of ground: In honor of Ocean’s 8, Tim Grierson kicked things off by asking why there’s so much less bro-anger about the Sandra Bullock/Cate Blanchett spin-off than 2016’s Ghostbusters. By Wednesday, we were onto Communism, and its utility as the Next Great Workout Regimen — or is that regime? Thursday, we dug into why dudes get other dudes tattooed on their bodies and — gasp — faces, and all week we’ve been peppering in stories about the incredible world of dad-dom in honor of Father’s Day.

But enough about all that — here’s Wonderwall.

The Week’s Most Popular Stories

Life as a Gay Man Behind Bars
A recent study revealed that gay guys are much more afraid of prison rape than straight ones. And no one is more aware of this fact than 32-year-old Texan “D,” who recently discussed his 27-month stint in federal prison with our C. Brian Smith. “There’s a deep assumption among both inmates and prison officials that if you’re gay, you’re going to be a sex toy,” D says. “This is the world we live in.” READ MORE

‘‘‘Jelqing,’ Explained: These YouTubers Have a Wild Technique for Embiggening Their Dongs
Did you know we hired an intern? In her first piece for us, Magdalene Taylor explores the very online world of “jelqing” — i.e., the practice of specific massage/stroking techniques of the penis in the hopes of increasing its length and girth. It’s, of course, a banger. READ MORE

‘We Can Probably Go Ahead and Start Calling Fascists Fascists Now’
If it walks like a fascist, and tweets like a fascist, it must be a fascist, okay? That’s Miles Klee’s take on Congressman (and definite fascist) Steve King’s latest decision to retweet a prominent neo-Nazi. And yet, the mainstream media won’t just come out and call him a fascist. What’s it going to take, an open demand for White Power? READ MORE

Post Malone’s ‘Always Tired’ Tattoo Embodies the Millennial Cult of Exhaustion
You know who’s tired? Rapper Post Malone. How do we know? Welp, he got “always” and “tired” tattooed under each eye. You know who else is tired? Millennials. How do we know? The the only thing they’re doing more than sleeping is talking about how much more sleep they need. READ MORE

A Brit’s Guide to the 2018 World Cup (for Americans Who Don’t Give a Shit)
For a month every four years, Americans forget that they care very little for The Beautiful Game and suddenly become USA soccer stans. But with the U.S. on the outside looking in this year (thanks, CONCACAF refs), there’s a lot less to get excited about. But there is a lot going on that’s exciting about this World Cup, which is why we’ve conscripted our very own British person to explain from A-to-Z what we’ve got to look forward to. READ MORE

Quote of the Week: Big Brother is Watching You (Watch Porn)

What’s it like watching porn on behalf of the British government? As porn watcher “Matt” told Hussein Kesvani, it’s not as, ahem, exciting as you might think. Mainly, it’s a bunch of money shots with Excel spreadsheets in between.

Meh. Seems like you could do the same thing at home, minus the data entry.

From the ‘Angry Commenters’ Department

Whatever you do, do not weigh in on where you can and cannot make bourbon, and how to pronounce the names of Scottish isles famous for their whisky production. Booze correspondent Hayley Hamilton made that mistake this week. Guys, you can stop sliding into Hayley’s DMs to tell her how wrong she is? Because this thread has you covered:

Who knew people had so many opinions on the internet???

Too Long, Didn’t Read

A new trend has emerged that suggests drinking chocolate milk after a workout is all you need to build strong muscles. Yeah, we can’t believe it, either. That’s because the claim — which, unsurprisingly, is promoted by the dairy industry — is mostly bullshit. Here’s why.

Last Laugh