Legalization took America by storm in 2017, and drug enthusiasts were hard at work cooking up new methods of getting high. Naturally, we spent the year testing out some of the more intriguing options to see whether they lived up to the hype — purely for science, of course.
Weed Cake Pops, Reviewed
Cannabis connoisseur and MEL contributor Eloise LeBel wrote some long-form erotica after going to town on a high-dose weed cake pop:
“I was expecting to get stoned af, which I did. What surprised me was what a chill, functional stoning it was, and that it didn’t wreck me as much as other products have. I ramped up for the evening by writing some personalized erotica, and by the time I was done my head was swimming so I went outside for some air. ‘Are you super high???’ my friend texted me to ask. ‘Yes. V high. Doubleplus high.’ was all I could say in response.”
Weed Bath Salts, Reviewed
Next, LeBel took her luxurious bath habit to the next level with THC-infused bath salts:
“Afterward, it was difficult to tell if I was a little stoned or if my body was just the most relaxed it’s felt in years. My skin was ultra-moisturized without feeling gross or greasy, I smelled fantastic, and the awful pain in my neck had diminished to a faint whisper. I don’t remember what I did after collapsing into bed — probably masturbate — but I know I felt great doing it.”
Weed Kombucha, Reviewed
After that, LeBel received the best cunnilingus of her life — are you sensing a trend here? — after downing an entire bottle of high-dose weed kombucha:
“Very quickly I was just ridiculously high and unable to do much of anything. My boyfriend and I had a plan to watch a bunch of Lord of the Rings DVDs so we made a journey to my apartment from his to pick them up and by the time we got back, I was exhausted and so high and also understandably horny as fuck, you know? I ended up having one of the best orgasms of my whole damn life and then, once the world stopped spinning, we watched Fellowship and I fucked around on my phone. I was so stoned that trying to do anything beyond that wouldn’t have been feasible.”
A Post-Weed Tonic to Make You Less High, Reviewed
It had to happen eventually: On this occasion LeBel got way too fucking high. So she chilled out by consuming a product specifically made to counteract the negative effects of too much marijuana:
“Pretty much immediately after I drank it, I started to feel calmer and clearer. My anxiety went away, and though I definitely was not in the realm of sobriety, after an hour I was having coherent thoughts and was able to write a text without deleting it eight times first. By the end of the night I was mostly just tired, mind and body exhausted by the chemical rollercoaster ride.”
Self-Help Patrol: Taint Acupuncture
Giving LeBel a break, Senior Editor Nick Leftley had his own strange high when he experienced a bizarre hallucination after having needles stuck in his taint:
“Suddenly, lying there with needles sticking out of my face (and taint), the image springs forcefully back: Vivid, insistent, a revolving, ethereal, sapphire-blue pyramid that expands until it fills up my entire consciousness. Without warning, a tingling, tidal sensation flows quickly from my feet right up to my head, like coming up on some kind of drug, and I open my eyes with a gasp.”
The Promise of an All-Natural Molly
Contributing Writer Haley Hamilton, meanwhile, felt just right after popping Katy, a legal, all-natural alternative to Molly:
“The glass is cold and smooth. My dress hugs me perfectly. It feels good to be held by its fabric and to feel the swish of its skirt around my knees. The band isn’t great, but I close my eyes and sway with the music, small, contented sighs purring in the back of my throat. When I open my eyes, I find I’m doing a bit more than swaying, I’m dancing, and while I couldn’t say that I was high — there was no eye-rolling bliss — there was a wonderful sense of everything being right.”
I Spent Sunday at a Weed Farmer’s Market
Contributing Editor Tierney Finster felt comfortably stoned during a cannabis-infused brunch:
“Finally stoned, my lips can’t stop smiling. This is the first fine-dining experience I’ve had where all of us get ash on the table before a single plate of food is brought out. Our table is diverse in terms of age and race, but the other groups are mostly full of white bros and their Vape-smoking girlfriends, getting high together and waiting for their food. I can’t help but think of all the times stoners throughout history have shamefully turned to their friends and asked, ‘Dude, do I seem high?’ before venturing into a social gathering. There is obviously none of this apprehension at the Emerald Exchange, where cultivating wellness, entrepreneurship and community is prioritized over just getting high.”
Ketamine Could Be the New Depression Treatment of Choice
Finster later transcended into being the world, instead of just a person in it, after receiving ketamine infusion therapy, which one L.A. based practitioner is offering to patients as a means of stabilizing their moods and curbing their depression:
“If all of my thoughts were fractions, they’d suddenly become simplified by their common denominator. I’m empty and curious, gazing up at scaffolding and skyscrapers that disappear when I stare at them. There’s no logic or perceived sense of control. I simply receive what comes to me, like the fresh breaths that continue to arrive without being ordered to do so.”
