Every day, porn star and University of Southern California journalism grad student Tasha Reign wakes up to a curious string of emails from her fans, a devoted group of men and women she lovingly refers to as “Reigndeer.” Said Reigndeer ask her questions — so many questions — about her perspectives on sex, love, relationships and life itself, and as someone who’s had more firsthand experience in these areas than four adult women combined, she’s become uniquely up to the task of answering them. Once a week then, Tasha will select a few of these questions and grace us with her insight, advice and expert wisdom in the hopes that she can help you fuck and love long, too.
My boyfriend can only cum in one, maybe two positions. I have to be on my back with him on top, and he sort of leans back and penetrates me at a specific angle. It feels good, but it’s honestly kind of boring to end sex the same way every time. Is there any way I can help him switch it up?
It’s pretty common for men not to be able to cum in a certain position, but there’s really no excuse for fucking your partner the same way every single time. Just typing that out makes me sad.
As you know, good sex is all about variety, and spicing it up in the bedroom can be a simple way to make big changes. But if your partner is spice-resistant and thinks he can only orgasm in the way you described, you’re going to have to troubleshoot what’s really going on in order to solve the problem. The key question to ask is: Does he cum that way because he likes to, or because he has to? The answer will decide your fate.
If it’s a matter of him simply preferring to cum that way, have a conversation about why that is and whether he’s open to finding new ways to climax with you. It might just be a matter of figuring out what makes him tick — I know that my man explodes when I say I’m his “little slut” or “whore,” so see if you can discover a new turn-on of his and use it to stimulate him in alternate positions. If you can enhance that tick with the type of dirty talk, blow jobs, costumes and foreplay he likes, all the better.
Now, if he has to cum like that — meaning it’s impossible for him to orgasm any other way — a sex therapist or sex coach might be your best option. Going to see one doesn’t mean anything is wrong with him or the way he cums; it’s just that they’re trained in decoding orgasmic habits and helping people get off in new ways.
On a more practical note, you can gift him with a male masturbator like a Fleshlight so he can “train” himself to cum in other positions. Let him practice with it on his own so he doesn’t get performance anxiety the first few times he tries a new method with you, and be patient with him as he tries to, er, reprogram. If he can pull it off alone, I bet it’ll give him more confidence to climax in different ways with you.
Let’s not forget about you and your needs in all this, either. You’re half of this party, and if he’s only going to cum in one position, he might as well do so after satiating your desire for novelty in new ways that spice up things for the both of you. Let him know what else he can do to please you and break out of the routine you have. I bet he’ll listen — I recently told my partner that I needed more rim jobs in my life, and he seemed to really enjoy getting me off that way, even though it wasn’t something he was used to. Once you ask for what you want, the next time requesting new sexual acts won’t be nearly as challenging.
The holidays are a stressful time for everyone, but I really want to show my new partner that we can get through all the chaos without killing each other. What can I do during the holidays to bring us closer together?
With all the crisp air, Christmas lights and holiday traditions, December should be a romantic time filled with family, friends, food and fucking. But as anyone who’s survived the holidays knows, the stress of family, shopping and travel can make it anything but.
If you want to skirt all the madness and make it through to January unscathed, keep things fun and light with your partner to water down all the insanity. I rely on the following activities to keep me sane during these crazy times, and I hope they work for you and your partner, too:
Ice skating. It can be so cozy and fun to bundle up and grab some hot cocoa with your partner on the rink. I recently did this, and I was in heaven because I had no idea that my partner was so good at skating! It’s so magical with all the music, decorations and families on the ice.
Hiking. ‘Tis the season to pick a mountain, valley or peak to climb with your special someone. I know half of you are under 10 feet of snow, but getting your blood moving outside together can be invigorating and romantic, even if it’s cold. Plus, you can try sex in the mountains.
Cooking a festive dinner. I recently had the best Fall Harvest party with all my close friends, and it was such a blast. I highly recommend picking some traditional winter recipes like pumpkin pie, stuffing and seasonal cocktails and having some serious fun in the kitchen. Creating traditions like these will bring you closer together.
Snowboarding. If you can, book a mini vacation on the slopes and slide down a mountain on a plank with your babe. Bundled up in snow gear and showing off your skills or learning how to ride for the first time can be so much fun, and the adrenaline of trying something adventurous together makes all those times you fell on your ass totally worth it. Afterward, you’ll want to jump in the hot tub together and try some underwater foreplay.
Someone posing as you online hooked me in and catfished me. I spent a lot of money and time on this person — who I really thought was you — and it’s taken me a lot to recover from it. Are you aware of this scam? More importantly, how can I tell if I’m being scammed in the future? I don’t want this to happen again.
Oh, I’m very aware. Every week, I get concerned emails from people about shady characters who pose as me and use my photos to solicit money from innocent fans who think it’s me talking to them.
People go to some pretty extreme lengths to do this. They build entire fake Instagrams, send their victims dirty texts for weeks, steal my amateur content and peddle it as real-time footage made specifically for them. It upsets me that many of these people are successful at scamming people out of their money in this way, but what upsets me even more is how they manipulate people’s emotions into thinking they’re actually dating a porn star. Some victims think they’re in real, legitimate relationships with “Tasha Reign,” and are devastated to find out it was just some nut-job thirsting after their cash.
Many of my co-workers in the adult industry have experienced this, too. One woman I know who retired from porn and got married and had four children was shocked to find the police knocking at her door, asking questions about a series of suspicious “wire transfers” sent in her name. Apparently, someone had catfished a well-meaning man using her photos and taken thousands and thousands of dollars from him.
I’m really not sure what to do other than advise you on how to recognize if you’re being catfished by a porn star, so here are some tell-tale signs to watch out for:
Wire transfers. If a sexy woman you met online wants you to send her money using a wire transfer, run for the hills. Genuine daters generally don’t ask people they just met for money, and if you fall for that scam, there’s almost no universe in which things will end in your favor.
Excessive photos. In a digital era where we’re all sending each other scantily clad selfies 24/7, it’s easy to write off an unusual amount of sexy pics sent to you by a stranger as “normal.” It’s not. Most women won’t start off a conversation by sending you 40 well-lit, professional-looking glamor shots of her ass; so if you find yourself flooded by photos within the first few days of knowing someone, be apprehensive. I considered myself to be promiscuous in my day, and I still wouldn’t have gone around sending nudes and pornographic photos to strangers.
Refusal to video chat. It’s completely normal to be cautious about showing your face to a stranger you met online, but if they sound too good to be true or can’t ever meet up in real time, they probably don’t want to be seen for a reason. Meeting someone virtually over video chat is a good way to verify their identity, so if your person won’t hop on FaceTime or Skype, take it as a red flag.
Check their verified accounts. If you actually think a porn performer or entertainer of any kind is hitting you up online, please check their verified Instagram or Twitter feeds to make sure you’re speaking to the real them (there’s usually a blue check next to their names to indicate they’re legit). If the person you think you’re talking to talks or writes completely differently from how they do on their verified accounts, there’s a good chance it’s not them.
If you’d like more information on porn-star catfishing, I once dissected an experience I had online using a dating app called The League, and it’s one of my favorite articles that I’ve ever written.
Good luck, and deepest apologies from both myself and my asshole imposter that that happened to you.
Feel free to send me your sex, love and relationship questions at firstname.lastname@example.org!