Every day, porn star and University of Southern California journalism grad student Tasha Reign wakes up to a curious string of emails from her fans, a devoted group of men and women she lovingly refers to as “Reigndeer.” Said Reigndeer ask her questions — so many questions — about her perspectives on sex, love, relationships and life itself, and as someone who’s had more firsthand experience in these areas than four adult women combined, she’s become uniquely up to the task of answering them. Bi-weekly then, Tasha will select a few of these questions and provide her insight, advice and expert wisdom in the hopes that she can help you fuck and love better, too.
I’ve been talking to this girl online since quarantine began, and we’re really falling for each other. I’m scared, though, to meet her in person. We’ve built up this fantasy about each other, so what if she sucks in real life? And more generally, how well do online relationships translate to in-person ones?
I once met a hottie over Hinge. He was sultry, kind, fun and relaxed on FaceTime. We chatted every night for almost a month and texted during the day. He was on a Christmas vacation in Connecticut, and I was home in L.A. The sparks were really there. From his voice to his face to the way he made me feel, I wanted to be with this guy.
As our “real-life” date approached, I got nervous. I was scared that my expectations wouldn’t meet up with reality. I was worried he wouldn’t find me as attractive in person. All the fears were swirling. But when I saw him in real life, it was like we had only ever met up in real life. We made out that night. We went out to dinner, and I felt very emotionally connected to him immediately. He was honestly a doll.
We dated for a couple of weeks before calling our hot-and-heavy romance quits. I wish we could have made it work, but the truth is, he was too insecure to handle a boss like me. He ended up dumping me due to his low self-esteem. It sucked, but it had nothing to do with us meeting online. It wouldn’t have mattered whether we connected virtually or in-person — I still wouldn’t have known he had these issues until they popped up over time.
My point here is that whether you’ve concocted a partner through the virtual realm or in line at Trader Joe’s — pre-pandemic, of course — you need to give the relationship a shot. After all, I met my current partner online on Hinge. Crazier things have happened, and in my experience, if you click over video chat, there’s a greater chance you’ll hit it off in person. Something about that virtual interaction of watching a human speak is more authentic than when you meet up after texting or DM-ing alone.
But you’ll never know for sure until you meet her, so stop worrying and get excited for your first “real” date (whenever that may be).
Married guy, here. Are my wife and I supposed to shave, brush our hair, poop with the door closed and wear actual clothes that aren’t sweatpants around each other in quarantine like we would pre-pandemic? We’ve really let ourselves go, and I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing.
NO POOPING WITH THE DOOR OPEN.
No pooping with the door open.
No. Fucking. Pooping. With. The door. Open.
Why would that even happen?
Oh, right, pandemic.
Look, I get it. Quarantine hit you hard. Well, guess what? It hit me hard, too. My relationship is on the rocks because of this pandemic, and I’m pretty sure everyone else’s is as well. If someone says otherwise, it must be because they had plenty of space from their partner. My boyfriend needed space so badly that he just up and left. Truly, this quarantine has caused so many divorces, so many breakups and so many angry feelings toward one another that I can’t even quantify it for you.
If you don’t want to end up in the “quarantine divorce” category, I sincerely suggest you keep up basic hygiene and shit with the door closed. Shaving, brushing your hair and wearing actual clothes will make you feel a lot better in an unpredictable and scary time, and those positive feelings can only help your relationship.
My number one trick to a better mood is a hot shower and a cute outfit with full hair and makeup. It sounds like a lot of work, but it’s worth it. It’s seriously important to not let your self-care fall to the wayside, because when you do, everything else can start to fall apart as well. Remember how in the movie “The Break-Up,” Vince Vaughn’s character just let himself go and that’s what led to Jennifer Aniston’s character breaking up with him?
Yeah, it’s a movie, but it’s also based on something real — don’t let yourself be Vince Vaughn.
Now, the pandemic is fucking insane and there is nothing in modern-day history quite like it, so I understand why you’re asking whether it’s okay to give up. I’m just saying that, while your feelings are absolutely valid, I’d advise against this destructive behavior, even in quarantine. My goal is to come out of this thing looking better than I did going into it, and I hope that the desire to improve myself translates into wanting to improve other areas of my life — namely, my relationship — as well.
If you can’t try for yourself, try it for your partner. After all, no one wants to smell your poop.
My state just eased up its lockdown, and I’m getting flooded with booty calls who want to meet up. I’m still pretty hesitant about it, but I’m also so horny. What would you do?
I’m horny, too. I really would love some sex right about now. My vibrator has gotten a lot of use, but in-person sex is just so much better.
The thing is, while sex is important, your health is even more so, and germs are so insane right now that risking your health just to get some seems dangerous. I know it’s hard to hold off — again, I haven’t been getting laid either. Remember two months ago when everyone was gossiping about “corona babies” and sex at home? Feels like an eternity ago, right?
Anyway, if I were in your shoes, I’d be much more discerning about who you’re sleeping with at this time in history. Sex would be a sure-fire way to transmit corona because of the proximity, and because so many people are asymptomatic, you truly don’t know whether either of you is contagious. You could feel totally fine and still have the virus, so even if you trust your booty call, meeting up with them is a pretty big gamble.
The only way around this would be more widespread testing so people can know whether they’ve been exposed. Until then, though, it’s best to either not do it at all or make a pact of monogamy with your booty call. You don’t have to jump into a relationship with them, but if you both quarantine responsibly, then you can help flatten the curve and get some action at the same time. If you get sick of each other or the “monogamy” feels too serious, no problem — consciously uncouple, bid them farewell and repeat the process with someone new.
That said, if you really trust the person to let you know how they’re feeling and what they’ve been doing, and you’re certain that they’ve been quarantining, respond to that booty call. Someone’s gotta get laid in all this, and here’s to hoping it’s you.
Feel free to send me your sex, love and relationship questions at firstname.lastname@example.org!