Lately, for reasons I can’t quite accurately discern, my Instagram feed has been filled with guys getting “curved” — which, I’ve been told, is the term for when a man goes in for a kiss and the woman literally turns her cheek.
I’ve always known this as getting “denied” or “rejected.”
Whatever the nomenclature, it’s goddamn hilarious, and I can’t get enough of it.
In particular, over the past week, the Instagram accounts for Barstool Sports and its college-focused sister site 5th Year have been sharing videos of men getting curved in the most public, humiliating ways imaginable.
You gotta feel for these guys — especially the one who wasn’t trying to make out in a bar and was under the impression the (would-be) kiss was a private matter—and now finds himself the laughingstock of the internet. Tough bounce, kid. (Also, your friends are assholes.)
But what’s a man to do once thousands (millions?) of people have witnessed, liked, shared or commented upon video of his public stonewalling? (Besides, of course, moving to a different state under a new name — or at least setting his Instagram account to private and/or changing his Insta handle.)
Fortunately, WikiHow has a shocking amount of advice about how to go for a kiss. For example:
“How to Kiss a Girl Smoothly With No Chance of Rejection”:
“How to Make Out with a Random Girl,” which has a creepy, PUA vibe:
And “How to Know if Your Girlfriend Is Ready to Kiss You,” which, buddy, if you have to strain this hard to determine whether your “girlfriend” wants to kiss you, then you might want to reevaluate the relationship:
Given that this is WikiHow — and therefore brimming with advice — there are even a couple tutorials for women on how to curve.
All these how-tos, however, boil down to one essential piece of advice (that’s also mostly common sense): being cognizant enough of a woman’s physical and verbal cues to know whether your kiss is welcome, or in the absence of such certainty, to simply ask for permission.
Because the best way to avoid your curving making its way to Instagram is to not get curved in the first place.
