3-14-19

Getting Off on True-Crime ASMR, the Origins of the Leprechaun and Getting to the Bottom of ‘Big’s Boob-or-Sex Scene

Truth be told, I don’t think too much about leprechauns. Honestly, outside of St. Patrick’s Day, I don’t really think about them at all. That said, when I do think about leprechauns, it’s all thanks to the single greatest YouTube video maybe ever:

Holy shit, this is incredible on so many levels: The amateur sketch of what the Alabama Leprechaun purportedly looks like; “Who else seen the leprechaun, say ‘yeah!’”; and don’t even get me started on the dude in body armor ready to hunt down the leprechaun with the 1,000-year-old leprechaun flute handed down to him from his “Irish” grandfather.

So, sure, read up on what leprechauns really are, and how they came to be associated with St. Patrick’s Day. Or, of course, you could stick with the Alabama Leprechaun.

Must Read

“The Latest ASMR Craze Involves Tales of Crime and Murder”
Per the staggering amount of videos uploaded to YouTube in the past few years, true-crime ASMR seems to be the internet’s latest obsession. In them, narrators gently whisper tales of mysterious disappearances and murders in the hushed, crackly tones the ASMR genre has become famous for. To wit:

But their popularity raises an interesting question: Why are people using ASMR, a medium that’s been shown to be calming, depression-relieving and even sedating, to consume disturbing tales of abduction, murder and mystery? READ MORE

Little Green Men

Tomorrow is the Friday before St. Patrick’s Day, which typically means co-workers wearing hideous shades of green (and harassing you about why you’re not doing the same); drunk frat boys crowding your local watering hole; and of course, the aforementioned leprechauns. While those first two are simply there to annoy you, leprechauns are full-blooded Irish folklore. Or are they???

Speaking of Hideous Shades of Green…

…why, oh why, do the green shirts we’re practically forced to wear on St. Patrick’s Day have to look like toxic waste? Isn’t there, like, a cool green that won’t make us feel like we rolled out of bed and into a pool of bile? We asked a stylist to help us figure out the best way to not look like a smelly green turd.

And Speaking of Leprechauns…

…if I asked you what your favorite bowl of cereal is, there’s a 85.3 percent chance you’re gonna say Lucky Charms. Look, that’s just basic math, alright? And since it’s your favorite, it’s a good idea to know what exactly is in those hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers, blue moons, hourglasses, rainbows, red balloons (and duh, oats):

Well, at least oats is No. 1 on the ingredients list — anything else would freak me the hell out. But having sugar as No. 2 is disconcerting, though admittedly, not surprising. Read up on everything else they’re putting in your bowl, and what all those ingredients do, here.

Unfixable

What’s it like to date a woman with a chronic illness? Difficult, to say the least, because it’s a constant battle between fighting the urge to fix something that can’t be fixed, and being too deferential. Still, at the same time, the boyfriends C. Brian Smith spoke to said they’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Three is the Magic Number

Everyone and their mother has by now seen the image of Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale making smooches at a hockey game. Way to go Pete! Surprisingly though, people weren’t focused on Davidson’s swirling tongue action. They were far more interested in Antoni Porowski, the pair’s third wheel.

Anxious looking though he might be sitting next to all that kissy face, Porowski actually has a lot to be thankful for. And that’s because the third wheel is a way better gig than people realize — after all, you get all the benefits of being on a date without any of the drawbacks.

Toot Toot!

Remember being in middle school, ripping a fart, running for a doorknob and yelling out “Safety!”, all to avoid getting punched by your friends? Those were the days, man. And though the threat of a “dead arm” may be long gone, for some millennials, the rituals of the Doorknob Game have been far harder to shake.

Interestingly, this isn’t simply a case of dudes not being able to let go of the good ol’ days. In fact, there’s actually some science behind it.

Big, If True

Often, when people look back on what they love about Big, they recall Tom Hanks and Robert Loggia playing “Chopsticks” on a giant piano; or Hanks mowing down a baby corn; or maybe, the creepy Zoltar machine that turns Hanks big in the first place.

Miles Klee isn’t one of those people. Because the scene that sticks out in his mind isn’t iconic, like those above. It’s the potentially problematic one: Hanks, a 13-year-old boy in a man’s body, getting a handful of Elizabeth Perkins’ boob. And when he thinks about it, he can’t help but wonder: Does the man-boy end up getting laid, or does he just cop a feel?