White_Walkers

‘Game of Thrones’ Fans Have No Time for Sex Scenes in Season 8, Dammit

Quit it with the foursomes, Bronn — don't you know there’s a zombie war coming?

There are only five episodes left in the entire run of Game of Thrones, but here we are, wasting valuable screen time on three naked women flopping all over a sellsword. Sure, egregious “sexposition” scenes used to be a recurring feature of the showto the point of parody — but now, with an army of the undead quickly approaching our heroes, fans’ patience for needless nudity is running thin. For me, a guy who started watching the show hungover, single and alone on the couch of his college apartment, the importance of plot has finally taken over.

Before you call me a beta cuck, know that fans agree! “Sex scenes do nothing for me,” writes Reddit user Elle504. “I was still able to gather that Cersei and Euron had sex, and [the] extra 30 seconds that would’ve been used for a sex scene was used to further the plot.” Elle504 is right: As humans, we’re able to pick up on the extremely obvious context clues suggesting two characters just had sex.

But no matter how badly I’d like to see Jon take another lover into a cave and practice the “lord’s kiss,” we’ve got only 432 minutes left to wrap up a trillion loose ends, like whether Cersei is actually pregnant and what Jon is going to do with the knowledge of his true ancestry. I am invested in these plot lines, goddammit, and I do not care about Missandei and Grey Worm having an intimate moment before battle. And I do not stand alone in this fight.

Leslie, 29, Chicago

All the bangaranging is just filler at this point. That action is not anything that can actually move the plot forward. We are running out of fucking time, literally.

I’ve been sober from the D and over straight sex scenes since 2006, so, like, I get it. But still, why the motherfuck did they show a 20-minute scene of Jon and Dany riding dragons? We aren’t here to watch Dumbo. I was waiting for Aladdin‘s “A Whole New World” to start playing.

There is no time for more fucks… unless it’s gay fucks, then I stan.

Ramiro, 20, Argentina

With only six episodes [this season], I don’t see why they wasted so much time on a Bronn sex scene and also Jon riding a dragon. Stupid decision. I would rather they showed us a scene with the Night King’s army marching, or Bran telling them important stuff, or them planning the war, or something that’s actually relevant to the narrative.

Even before this season, the sex scenes never really stood out to me, but I think you could argue some of them were important to the narrative back then… Even if egregious, Littlefinger’s brothel scenes might’ve added something — but that was back then.

Now, with limited time, sex scenes are irrelevant to the narrative. Bronn’s scene was a total waste of time to me. Without that scene, nothing would’ve changed. If anything, I think the writers just tried to make a “funny scene” for the sake of it, but for me at least it was a huge waste of time, and I don’t get why they did it. I’m sure in this season there will probably be one or two more, but again there’s just no time for that!

Lee, 29, Australia

I agree with the sentiment that sex scenes are true to Game of Thrones as a series. It’s well known for it. I’m just a really fickle person, so at this stage I’m mad at anything that takes away from actual plot development. Like, wow, we get it, you wanna bone down, but HBO hasn’t given you another episode or two to fit all the stuff you want in. No pun intended.

I think Bronn’s scene could have still worked — maybe if he was in the midst of being/getting undressed and then had the maester interrupt. I mean, if we really wanted to trim the fat. I personally think it would still have had the comedic impact that the original scene had. I also feel the same about the long dragon-flying scene, but I’m also just a grouchy person. I’m sure there were a lot of fans that were losing their minds about the scene, but it just seemed out of place, like there was no real reason. I like when stuff happens in a well-timed way, like if the dragon let Jon ride it during the midst of a chaotic battle against the Army of the Dead.

Matt C, 30, Chicago

I’ve put up with a lot of shit from Game of Thrones: the existence of Olly, all of the bullshit with the Sand Snakes, the knowledge that George RamRod Martin is never going to finish the goddamn book series I spent days reading.

But this corny relationship between Daenerys and Zombie Jon Snow is already fighting for the top spot. How does a show that gleefully showed Theon getting tortured and castrated for an entire season think it makes sense tonally to have an aunt and her nephew recreate “A Whole New World”?

It doesn’t help matters that Emilia Clarke and Kit Harington are the worst actors on the show, with Clarke’s monotone line delivery and Harrington’s constantly squinting face that looks like he’s holding in a fart. They should drop this Padme-Anakin nonsense and give the fans what they want: closure on a series that wore out its welcome years ago.