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From Chicken Sandwiches to Talking to Women Wearing Headphones: This Week in Dudes

Did you learn this week? I learned

Summertime’s almost over — will you dudes slow down just a little? Like, enough with the bulging midriffs, the drunken bus purchases, the marriage-ruining porno:

To measure pornography use, the survey asked respondents — who also reported their relationship status — whether they had watched an X-rated movie in the past year. “There’s no perfect pornography question, but this one comes closest to the kind of question you ask that carries over time,” says study author and sociologist Samuel Perry of the University of Oklahoma (OU) in Norman. Out of 5698 respondents, 1681 said they had watched an X-rated movie and 373 reported viewing one for the first time during the survey period.

Analyzing the data, Perry and his OU colleague Cyrus Schleifer found that people who started watching porn were more likely to split with their partners during the course of the survey. For men, the chance of divorce went from 5% to 10%. For women, that number jumped from 6% to 18%

It’s almost cuffing season, you guys. Unless you want it to just be you and porn (or a chicken sandwich), you’re going to want to hold onto your significant other — at least until spring. Then you can get started on that cow-dung museum you’ve always wanted to build, or solving global warming — unless, of course, you think “going green” is just too girly:

Why are men less likely than women to embrace environmentally friendly products and behaviors? … Men’s willingness to engage in green behaviors can be influenced by threatening or affirming their masculinity, as well as by using masculine rather than conventional green branding.

I guess all of that green M&M-inspired porn you just Googled is out of the question? You’ll have to get back on the street, as they say, and learn how to speak to women wearing headphones. Here’s some really bad advice on how to do that. Just how bad? Well,

Pretty bad.

Until next week: stay hard, stay chaste, stay scarred and stay positive.

Lindsey Weber is an editor at MEL. The only reason you should ever talk to her while she’s wearing headphones is to warn her she’s about to walk off a cliff.