With another season of holiday travel upon us, many are facing that most unfortunate discomfort: sleeping somewhere that isn’t your own cozy bed. Some will hope for rest in hotels; others will return to the twin mattress they used growing up. Alas, young men crashing at the home of a bro are potentially condemned to the cruelest fate — a night in the open, blanketless.
I don’t like to be a gender essentialist here, but come on, we all know it’s male hosts who pass out in their own rooms without making sure their guest has accommodations. This is often due to the ruthless minimalism of bachelor life. Your pal has exactly as many sheets, blankets and pillows as he needs, and no surplus whatsoever. Take it from me, a dude who once stayed with his brother and had to make do with a bean bag chair for bedding. (Still love you, buddy.)
As much as guys like to feel resourceful — trying to fashion yourself a decent sleep nest out of basically nothing activates the MacGyver instinct — it doesn’t have to be this way. You think women get left in the cold? They’re piling on the quilts and tucking each other in. If you’re getting under covers, your boy needs some too. Drag your ass out to Bed Bath & Beyond some afternoon and buy a thick blanket to keep around as a spare. You can get whatever’s marked down, since nobody’s going to complain about the pattern. They’ll just be grateful for warmth.
But you know what? Even if you forget to stock the linen closet, you can save the sleepover with one simple act of generosity: Ask your bro to get in bed with you. That’s king shit. Real alphas cuddle on equal terms instead of turning bedtime into a Darwinian struggle for survival. You keep each other safe and toasty, and you’ll both be ready to go hard at brunch in the morning.
Wait, you don’t have a towel for him either? Goddammit, man. You’re lucky he comes over at all.
Miles Klee
Miles Klee is MEL’s resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. He’s also the author of the novel ‘Ivyland’ and a story collection, ‘True False.’
