Wanna know all about the latest deranged sex tweet that lit up Gay Twitter this week? (Straights, you have about three seconds to look away.) A guy calling himself Pussy Pearl King claimed his boyfriend ejaculated a kidney stone into his anus during sex, and now he’s “keeping it there.” Sorry to that hole.
Minh became an instant legend — an icon with enough booty energy to short-circuit Gay Twitter. Just look at the replies to his tweet; they’re the best gay memes Twitter has to offer. Its utter power blinded us, divided us and ultimately united us. After all, this is the year of bottom rights.
ur in his dms, his kidney stones are in my hole. we are not the same.
— jojo! (@TheJordanShield) December 5, 2019
I regret to inform you, however, that the Pearl King may be no more than a jester. When we spoke via Twitter DM, he couldn’t do much to corroborate his story, add any background information or fill that hole with any further detail. I have so many questions: How did he and his boyfriend realize he’d passed the kidney stone? Is the kidney stone still actually… there? Alas, all he tells me is: “You asking to see my pussy pearl,” and “pee pee poo poo pearl.”
Well, if I couldn’t learn more about this phenomenon from Pussy Pearl King himself, I had to ask the next-best experts: actual urologists. Could a pussy pearl happen to me? Or is it medically impossible — conclusive proof yet another Twitter gay is wasting my time?
The first urologist passed (pun intended), saying he was “fairly conservative” regarding interview topics. Thankfully, the next two were eager to weigh in. To my delight and eventual horror, each doctor separately confirmed that the scenario is, in fact, realistic. Yes, you can pass a kidney stone while ejaculating.
“This is absolutely possible!” says Dr. Michael Ingber, a urologist at the Center for Specialized Women’s Health in Denville, New Jersey. “Whatever is in the urethra, whether it is residual urine or a stone which may have been passing, can theoretically be expelled during ejaculation.”
In fact, sex might just be the quickest way to pass a kidney stone. A 2015 Turkish study found having sex up three to four times a week can “increase the probability of spontaneous passage of the stones.” For once, fucking can actually solve your problems.
The reasoning is pretty simple: You’re working your muscles more. Kidney stones form in the kidneys, travel through your ureter canals and are expelled through the urethra. Ninety-five percent of the time, kidney stones pass with urine, says Dr. Alex Shteynshlyuger, director of urology at New York Urology Specialists. What about the other 5 percent? “There is a small chance that stone gets lodged in the male urethra after urination, somewhere between the prostate and the tip of the penis,” he tells MEL. “If that occurs, the stone can then be propelled out of the body by the ejaculate.”
Well, now I’m spiraling. I didn’t need another thing to worry about during sex. Does this mean my dick could fire a kidney stone like a pellet gun and puncture a latex condom? “That would be highly unlikely,” Ingber says. “Then again, anything is possible.”
Still, don’t worry. Or at least try not to. Only 10 percent of people develop a kidney stone in their lifetime, says Shteynshlyuger. In the end, the likelihood that we pass a kidney stone during sex is very minimal. Possibly even lower than the chance of Pussy Pearl King giving us a straight answer.
Joseph Longo
Joseph Longo is a culture and entertainment journalist whose work has appeared in The Associated Press, Entertainment Weekly and more. He's still trying to understand what it means to be a Gemini Rising.
