I’d love to retire by 40 as much as the next overworked, underpaid millennial, but slurping on some olive oil to save a few dollars on groceries isn’t how I’d go about doing it.
Normally I’d say “Good luck, and God bless” to the men willing to live that sort of ascetic lifestyle, but frankly, they all sound like assholes.
Must Read
“The Batshit Lengths These Guys Go to Retire by Age 40”
For those of you who love going to work each and every day, WE SALUTE YOU. The rest of us, however, will continue to work as a means to an end, and that end is a beach in the Bahamas and a daiquiri in our hands. But for the nerdy men of the financial independence and early retirement (FIRE) community, being able to retire by 40 is their end. And they’ll cut corners everywhere to make that happen — from showering every three days in order to lower their water bill to “eating” olive oil to save on grocery costs. READ MORE
What’s in a Suit?
Sorry, Patrick Bateman — the idea of a serious businessman in a well-tailored suit is dead, or at least, on life-support, both in real-life boardrooms and in the cultural imagination. A recent survey in the U.K. found that only one-in-ten wore a suit to work, while 43 percent of respondents said they felt business suits no longer had a place in modern offices. Even the banking community, the last great bastion of the power suit, is getting in on the “business casual” look. So how did the suit lose its swagger? Chris Bourn strips it down.
Fookin’ Cheesed
It’s 2019, and prank videos are a dime a dozen. Case in point: People frisbee-ing Kraft singles onto the faces of babes (aka, the “#cheesechallenge”), the latest dumb smartphone clip to go viral.
Except, cheesing has been around since the days of Vine, and the guy who started the trend there, Karl From Online, is pissed he’s not getting credit.
Take Japper
CNN’s Jake Tapper used to be an obsessively even-handed, dignified news anchor. Emphasis on “used to be” (THAT’S WHAT THE ITALS WERE FOR), because these days, he’s far more famous for doing clown shit like this:
Congresswoman, could you please explain more about what you think the US should have done post-9/11 regarding Afghanistan? Should there not have been any NATO/US action versus AQ/Taliban in your view? A limited one? What would you have supported?
— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) March 5, 2019
Miles Klee knows a “debate me” tweet when he sees one, but that’s just the tip of the shit-berg — from Tapper’s weird obsession with manners to his bizarre crush on Fox News.
Without a Trace
Mel B. (great first name, btw), the artist formerly known as Scary Spice, made the news this week when she got her vagina scraped in an effort to remove every last trace of her ex-boyfriend from her deepest crevasse. Weird flex, but ok, considering many of us were taught in sex-ed that we don’t just fuck the people we fuck, we fuck everyone they’ve ever fucked, and everyone they’ve ever fucked, too. But don’t run out to the hardware store for a Brillo pad and a wet/dry vac just yet — because in reality, that’s not how any of this works.
Dad Bod on Display
Mannequins, they’re just… like us?:
I can finally see what the clothes are going to look like on me from pics
Well, almost. Sure, retailers are finally coming around to the idea that not every dude that shops with them has a size-28 waist. But they’re still overlooking some important aspects of the dad-bod physique.
Like *Swipe* Like *Swipe* Like *Swipe*
The Law of Supply and Demand dictates that the amount of a commodity directly correlates to its value; too much supply, and value plummets. Nowhere is that more true than on social media, where teens flood the marketplace — i.e., Instagram — with a commodity — i.e., “likes” — to such an insane degree that the value of a like is now virtually zero. For most of us, this all means very little. Brands, however, are in a panic.
Slash and Burn
If you care about your future dexterity, don’t attempt to slash someone’s tires, as P!nk recently admitted to attempting on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. After all, you’re far more likely to slice through a few tendons than you are the tire’s thick, rubber siding.
Sadly, that’s a truth it would appear few have heeded, given the cultural popularity of the “slashing tires” trope. Which got us wondering: How far back through history does slashing tires go? Turns out this sadistic little trend dates all the way back to Roman times, only it wasn’t tires that got slashed.
She’s Probably Into It
Much like a lot of what men “know” about the opposite sex, the idea that women fantasize in vanilla — or don’t fantasize at all — is, on the whole, wrong. To prove that fact, Zaron Burnett III spoke with six women from around the world and asked them to share the things that turn them on. And what he discovered was that women’s fantasies are just as varied, frequent and occasionally dark as men’s.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
