Dude-strology: Does My Dick Get Harder During Certain Moon Phases?

Okay, okay, I get it: Dudes don’t care about astrology. But you should (especially now that Mars in in retrograde). Because I promise that it reveals all about the things that are most important to you — sex, love, family, friendship, money, work and much more. And so, that’s what I’m here for: To demonstrate that the answers to your most pressing/distressing questions reside in the stars.

In this episode, I offer astrological wisdom for the following questions:

  1. How long will the honeymoon between Trump and Kim last?
  2. Does my dick get harder during certain moon phases?
  3. What do I need to do to get the Cancer at work, who talks to me for 20 minutes every time I pass her desk, to leave me the fuck alone?

More importantly, write to me. Because men, I’m more than happy to tell you what your sign means w/r/t whatever is happening in your bedroom, your group-text chain or your office. Hmu at [email protected]