Cumming inside of someone or having someone cum inside of you is really humanity’s raison d’être. Get as philosophical as you want, but it’s the only concrete occurrence that marks why any of us are here. And yet, it’s still an imperfect act.
This is particularly true with regards to cleanup. Despite being literally designed to capture semen, the vagina doesn’t always retain it — the stuff leaks out when you don’t want it to, and it won’t come out entirely when you do. Meanwhile, in the 300,000 years humans have existed on this planet, the best cleanup method humankind has come up with is a cum rag.
A brand called Awkward Essentials aims to change this. They just released a new tampon-like product called the Dripstick, which they’re billing as the “world’s first after-sex clean-up sponge.” Nothing more than a little sponge attached to a plastic stick, it’s intended to be inserted into the vagina to capture semen after doin’ it raw.
Obviously, I have some questions. Namely: Is the Dripstick brilliant? Is it detestable? Does it actually work?
I had to find out for myself, so I conducted a little experiment.
Awkward Essentials sent me a 10-pack of their Dripsticks to play around with. Upon opening the box, my first impression was that these things are incredibly light, even lighter than a tampon. Each is packaged in a paper and plastic wrapping that reminds me of how needles and other single-use items are packaged in a doctor’s office. Inside is the sponge-on-a-stick, which is hexagonal and made from medical-grade polyurethane. It’s about two inches long and half an inch wide — again, very tampon-esque — and it’s attached to a three-inch(ish) long plastic stick with a tab on the end to make it easier to hold. All this is to say, it looks pretty simple to insert into the vagina.
But does it actually absorb cum? The average ejaculate volume is about 5 milliliters — or roughly a teaspoon — so I measured out a teaspoon of water and placed it into a bowl. I then dunked the Dripstick into the bowl, and as the instructions recommend doing in the vagina, twirled it around inside the liquid for about 20 seconds. Immediately, it appeared that the Dripstick wasn’t going to absorb everything. I measured the remaining liquid, which came out to a quarter of a teaspoon. Therefore, the Dripstick absorbed 75 percent of the water. Not too bad!
Semen, of course, isn’t the same as water (and measuring the Dripstick’s absorbency based on water doesn’t perfectly measure its capabilities). Unfortunately, I don’t just have a tap of semen ready to go at all times for a more accurate experiment, so I had to get crafty. Looking around at my beauty supplies, I realized that I had several face serums that were similar enough in density and texture to semen. For the sake of my experiment, they would have to do.
I mixed two of them together until my teaspoon was full, and then dumped it into the bowl. I plopped a new Dripstick in and got to twisting. Immediately, the sponge absorbed nearly everything. There was nothing left for me to measure out, save for some residue left on the sides of the bowl. When absorbing a substance with a thickness similar to that of semen, the Dripstick worked perfectly. The company doesn’t state exactly how much cum it’s supposed to absorb, but for the purpose of internal cleanup, it seems like it would absorb everything to the point where you’d have zero leakage.
Seeing that it worked this well, I’m newly sold on the product despite the fact that I don’t currently have a use for it. In previous years, this would have saved me a lot of mess. And that’s really all it’s designed to do — it’s not intended as a pregnancy or STI prevention tool by any means, and it’s only meant to be used in the vagina (you’ll have to find something else if you’re trying to sponge up the cum in your ass). And while it may resemble the birth control “sponges” of yore, the Dripstick is a totally different thing, and any kind of sponge is pretty ineffective in preventing pregnancy, anyway. So again, don’t use it for that. These are all caveats the product makes perfectly clear on their website and packaging.
All in all, the Dripstick is a rather elegant solution to one of the pitfalls of being raw-dogged. Keep one in your purse in case you have unprotected sex while you’re out and about! Store them in your bedside table to offer to your partners! Sure, shoving a sponge up your vagina might seem intimate, but is it really any less awkward than crumpling up a ball of toilet paper and wedging it in there or waddling hunched over to the bathroom as it drips down your leg?
Finally, you can enjoy being a total cum dumpster without any of that pesky cleanup. The future is now!