There’s a guy on the MEL team who’s known far and wide around the office for his insane affinity for browser tabs, and while I won’t publicly shame him here, he knows who he is and he knows what he’s done.
Like overflowing email inboxes, ever-increasing push notifications and the constant deluge of iPhone badges, tabs are just one of the many advances in productivity invented to help us. But in reality, they do the exact opposite: Stress us the fuck out. How my coworker deals with a hundred open and unread tabs reminding him of what he hasn’t accomplished, taunting him even, is beyond me. Those things could give Matthew McConaughey anxiety.
Honestly though, I might be the same way if my computer didn’t go into conniptions every time I opened more than four, or max five tabs. You think stress over a hundred tabs is bad? Try worrying about whether your laptop is going to spontaneously combust because you had the audacity to play a YouTube video at the same time you’ve got Reddit open.
Brb, I’m going to go take a cold shower.
Must Read
“On Instagram and Beyond, Men with Disabilities Are Fighting for Their Right to Be Sexual”
Tired of being marginalized on Grindr because of his disability, C4-C5 quadriplegic Robert Coombs decided he wasn’t going celibate without a fight. So Coombs, whose neck was broken in an accident right after college, took to Instagram, where he began posting racy photos to show that the disabled community can be sexy, too. But the platform’s tight control on what is and isn’t appropriate means that the fight for visibility is only just beginning. READ MORE
Meritocracy, Schmeritocracy
How mediocre are u if you have to cheat a system that already disproportionately advantages you? pic.twitter.com/NH9gqvblOc
— dat thang Solange imagined (@tgiferg) March 12, 2019
Don’t be surprised that the wealthy are stacking the deck in order to guarantee their kid gets into the best school. Because, while this week’s news of the brazen bribery and fraud ring being perpetrated by celebrity and CEO parents is shocking, that shit happens legally every day. Take it from Miles Klee, who once worked in his college’s admissions office and saw exactly how elites have turned the myth of the meritocracy into a farce.
Going Rogue
Imagine an NFL and it’s trademarks owned exclusively by Nike. Sounds like a rather bleak dystopia, doesn’t it? While there’s no risk of that happening anytime soon in America’s most popular sport, that appears to be exactly what’s happening in up-and-coming sports like CrossFit and strongman. Because one company, Rogue Fitness, has almost muscled out the fitness-equipment competition, and trademarked “strongman” to boot. And that’s got industry watchdogs and athletes worried that they may soon be priced out of sports that have long been for everyone.
Yay, Men!
Good news, my dudes: You’re no longer kings of the “cheating on my significant other” castle. In fact, among millennials, women cheat more than men. Sooo, uh, good and bad news, then.
Here’s why some of those cheating women think the infidelity gender gap is closing.
Nose Hair, Don’t Care?
You’ve all seen them: Old men with a crop of black and gray whiskers sprouting from each nostril. The conventional wisdom suggests that senior citizens are simply clueless as to the forest protruding out of their noses, conspicuous though it may be. But given guys’ adoption of more and more elaborate grooming regimens these days, this stereotype is likely getting somewhat out-of-date. No, there’s likely a different reason: A lack of self-esteem to do anything about it.
Wash Your Pans
Own a cast-iron? If so, then you’ve likely heard the word “seasoning” thrown around before, and its importance when it comes to the care of your pan. But if you equate seasoning with flavor — as in, don’t wash your pan lest you lose the “seasoning” from all the foods you’ve made in it previously — you’re doing it wrong.
Family Last
The GOP is dressing turds in Christmas sweaters again, this time in the form of “paid” family leave, a hot-button topic incredibly important to working parents across the country. With the CRADLE Act, which stands for Child Rearing and Development Leave Empowerment, Senate Republicans have introduced a bill where new parents can withdraw their Social Security benefits early in order to get a little leave today. Here’s why the proposal promises to be a fantastic disaster.
You Really Really Really Wanna Click-a-Click *Ahh*
If you want to be less stressed, you gotta close all your tabs.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
