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#DISABLEDPEOPLEAREHOT, The Stress of Too Many Browser Tabs and the Myth of the Meritocracy

There’s a guy on the MEL team who’s known far and wide around the office for his insane affinity for browser tabs, and while I won’t publicly shame him here, he knows who he is and he knows what he’s done.

Like overflowing email inboxes, ever-increasing push notifications and the constant deluge of iPhone badges, tabs are just one of the many advances in productivity invented to help us. But in reality, they do the exact opposite: Stress us the fuck out. How my coworker deals with a hundred open and unread tabs reminding him of what he hasn’t accomplished, taunting him even, is beyond me. Those things could give Matthew McConaughey anxiety.

Don’t cry, Matthew. They’ll all be closed soon.

Honestly though, I might be the same way if my computer didn’t go into conniptions every time I opened more than four, or max five tabs. You think stress over a hundred tabs is bad? Try worrying about whether your laptop is going to spontaneously combust because you had the audacity to play a YouTube video at the same time you’ve got Reddit open.

Brb, I’m going to go take a cold shower.

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You Really Really Really Wanna Click-a-Click *Ahh*

If you want to be less stressed, you gotta close all your tabs.