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Black Dommes Are Spanking Their White Subs Into Paying Reparations

Anti-racist kink play meets findom meets much-needed power exchange

When professional dominatrix Mistress Marley first launched her Black Domme Sorority last summer, it was an intimate Facebook group for Black and Afro-Latina femmes to share sex work tips and tricks. In November, though, it experienced a significant spike in interest when Marley revisited her North Carolina college for homecoming with an unusual accessory — an old white sub on a leash. “And he loved it,” she tweeted, attaching a DM screenshot as proof. 

The next morning, she woke up to find she had gone viral, not as a domme, but as a so-called “sugar baby.” “It was so confusing to me,” she laughs. “In what world does a sugar daddy wear a leash? I really think that if it was a white woman with a white man on a leash, people would have been like, ‘Oh, that’s a dominatrix.’”

Marley retweeted the video with this correction, sparking an avalanche of DMs and applications from Black dommes looking to join the sorority — some genuine, others just looking to attach themselves to the collective due to Marley’s rising profile. “It felt great, but my life kind of changed,” she tells me. “I knew I couldn’t go by my real name on the internet any more, and I felt like this small group was about to be infiltrated. It came with a lot of mess.”

Since then, Marley’s profile has snowballed. Not only does she run a “Sexcademy” — full of sex-ed, BDSM tips and “vanilla” fucking advice — on Patreon, she attracts thousands of YouTube viewers with hilarious instructional videos for fellow dommes and curious viewers alike — from how to nail fart fetish videos (tip: eat plenty of crab legs) to the ways in which to turn rich guys into subs

True to form, on our 30-minute Zoom call, she cracks jokes, dodges no questions and tells anecdotes about dungeons, swinger’s clubs and sex work with ease. She also talks openly about racism in the industry — from strip clubs with Black dancer quotas to discrimination in the kink scene. In fact, it’s why she launched Black Domme Sorority in the first place. “When I was first starting out online as a financial dominatrix, I’d go on Twitter and just see white women creating content,” she recalls. “There were times when I tried to reach out for advice, but they’d be rude and off-putting; they wouldn’t talk to me. I was like, ‘Damn, how many other Black dommes are going through this, feeling discouraged and deleting their accounts?’”

Few spaces were available to them offline, too. “The dungeons in New York are very much white-owned,” she continues. “There’s Rubber Studio, which is owned by Mistress Ariana [who is Black], but even that was faced with closure so the community had to show up.” Meanwhile, in the white-owned spaces, Marley would either be questioned disrespectfully or made to audition. “It’s like, ‘Okay, I know you’re not doing this to white dommes,’” she tells me. 

These days, however, Marley manages her own workload, which ranges from in-person pegging (currently on hold due to the pandemic), group sex parties (soon to reopen) and online domination, which often involves white subs. In one video, for example, she spanks a white guy into saying “Black women matter.” “It’s an experience they feel like they can’t get from white dommes,” he tells me. “They truly feel submissive under the power of Black women.” 

The number of these requests have greatly increased over the last few weeks. “That’s definitely a kink that’s very, very popular now, especially with all this stuff going on with Black Lives Matter,” she says. “White subs want to give reparations, so I’m like, ‘Why not?’ That’s something I want, and I get to whoop your ass while I’m doing it!” 

These reparations are usually financial — huge, unexpected tributes or tips outside of the session rate — but Marley sets other challenges to make subs prove they’re serious about anti-racism. “I’ve made guys do research on Black women throughout history, so it’s definitely something where I feel like I’m always educating,” she explains. She’s realistic, though, about how much change this actually makes. “In my presence, they know the vibes,” she clarified in a recent Instagram comment. “But I can’t control what they’re doing exactly outside of my sessions as I don’t watch them 24/7.”

Black Domme Sorority is hugely helpful when it comes to navigating these conversations. Goddess Bria, who also runs a mentorship group called BadAss Dommes, was one of the first to join after finding Marley on YouTube. She says it’s been an “awesome experience to share knowledge and get to know other Black women who are into the same kinks as you.” 

“Black Domme Sorority has really become an extended family,” she continues. “It’s heartwarming to know that I have sisters to uplift and motivate me.” 

When it comes to dominating white subs into anti-racism and forcing them to repeat anti-racist mantras, she says, “We’re not forcing them to say these things. These have always been their true feelings — that Black women are superior. Many of them devote their lives to praising us and paying us; they know the respect we are owed, and they make sure to show it.” 

Marley adds that plenty of subs begin by “apologizing for their race.” To that end, Black Domme Sorority alone has received more than $2,000 in donations since the murder of George Floyd. “It’s annoying, because it’s like, ‘Why did it take this long when we’ve been talking about it for years and years?’ Honestly, it’s white guilt, but that white guilt is benefitting a lot of people, so I’m like, ‘Keep it coming!’”

Again, both Marley and Bria are realistic about the extent to which anti-racist kink play can make real change — a few white subs saying “Black women matter” certainly won’t erase or dismantle systemic oppression (Marley doesn’t believe any of the white guilt will stick either: “We also look at it like, ‘How long are you guys going to keep it up?’”). But that’s why the Black Domme Sorority exists. It’s a vital collective not just because it shares tips on navigating racism and organizing together, but because it reminds Black women across the board to acknowledge their worth. 

“I even get a lot of messages from Black women who don’t do sex work, saying, ‘You taught me to be myself and not expect less from this man,’” explains Marley. “I came into sex work just expecting to make some money, so to know that I’m helping people, too, is powerful!”

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