Big Areolae Energy, the Men Doing It All for a Bubble Butt and the Expensive Lives of Twitter’s Retweet Slaves

Just when you think you’ve got a handle on what’s what in this crazy mixed up world of ours, you read that headline and realize you don’t know shit about what’s going on out there.

That’s right: Big, oversized nipples on women are the new hotness! There’s a community of guys obsessed about having the biggest ass on the block! An army of pathetic men are getting off on promoting and building up the followers of their mistresses Twitter accounts!

And while all of that is truly shocking, that’s nothing compared to this bombshell: Guys are becoming addicted to tanning beds. The horror!

About the only unsurprising thing we published today is the fact that we’re all absolutely terrible with money.

Just another day at MEL.

Must Read

“Big Areolae and the Men Who Love Them”
Apologies, Madonna — little nipples are out. For a certain group of men, big areolae are what’s next, and that’s music to the ears of the women for whom bigger nips have been a source of insecurity and embarrassment. And given big boobs/small nipples long-time dominance as the feminine ideal, this recent shift to open and unabashed love for big areolae is exciting, because it serves as proof that our opinions of what is beautiful is becoming more inclusive and body positive. READ MORE

Bad Money

Balancing a checkbook? Ain’t nobody got time for that. Unfortunately, that means most people these days are financially illiterate, doomed to make terrible choices with their money until the end of time. To figure out just how bad it is out there, we asked a couple of certified financial planners what the stupidest things people are doing with their cash are, and it isn’t pretty.

Going for the Bronze

It might surprise you to learn that the ladies aren’t the only ones with a thing for tanning — guys are doing it too. But compared to women, research shows that men are more likely to experience anxiety when forced to skip a tanning session, use tanning beds to relieve stress and spend money on tanning even when they can’t afford it. GUYS: STEP AWAY FROM THE TANNING BED.

Badonka Dudes

Having a great ass is exactly that, great, but to make having a bouncy, meaty bubble-butt the focus of all your time and energy feels a bit excessive. And yet, that’s exactly what “badonka dudes” are all about. They’re just regular guys embracing the upward trend of building butt, and not only are they reaping the obvious rewards of having a killer tuchus, they’re also reaping big ass physical benefits in other places, too.

Your Goals are Shit

This just in: All those goals you’ve set for yourself this year are trash. That’s because new research from Harvard suggests that when we set goals we tend to make them too easy, because otherwise we’d actually have to work for the things we want and no one wants to do that. Don’t be too hard on yourself, though, because there’s a prescription for how to set goals the right way.

Diminishing Returns

Ever notice that on your third night of a bender, getting drunk seems to get harder? Haha, I know, what bender, right?!? *pulls nervously at collar* But seriously, the seemingly ineffectiveness of booze on nights two and three isn’t your age catching up with you, it’s actually your body throwing in the towel. Which is to say, getting drunk multiple nights in a row is really, really, extremely bad for you.

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A normal Dom-Sub relationship is cool and all, but have you ever tried getting off on being the social media manager for your mistress? So-called “retweet slaves” are accounts dedicated to elevating the presence of dominatrixes on Twitter in order to increase the dommes’ popularity. And in return, they’re getting that sweet, sweet verbal abuse. Cassidy Dawn Graves dove head first into this wild sub-genre of the findom community to find out how this symbiotic dom-sub relationship works from the retweet slaves themselves.

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Jeff Gross

Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.