Did you see the raccoon? This one! The sweet, silly trash panda that had everyone very concerned when it decided to scale a 25-story skyscraper in St. Paul, Minnesota, on Tuesday. We immediately put aside work and family to chart the brave critter’s death-defying ascent. The internet held its collective breath as it scaled the wall. There were hashtags and cute photos and smart memes. Finally, early this morning, it got to the roof, where it was fed and caged.
Our first look at #MPRaccoon after being captured and enjoying a can of soft cat food. Good luck on your next adventure, little one! It’s going to be hard to ‘top’ this one! ? pic.twitter.com/vKPiQuXLWT
— Babs (@BARBedWireZ) June 13, 2018
Incredible. What an OMG moment!
Speaking of cages, migrant children are being forcibly separated from their parents by the U.S. government and held in kennels.
Federal agents took an infant away from a mother while she was breastfeeding her child. https://t.co/YvrEkBYbae
— we're going to abolish ICE (@SeanMcElwee) June 13, 2018
Yeah, sorry, I lied when I said this was only about the raccoon. Don’t get me wrong, the raccoon climbing a wall is very funny, and I do trust in your ability to care about indefinitely detained, unaccompanied kids now likely bound for what’s essentially a concentration camp even as you tweet relief at seeing that confused li’l furball climb to safety.
It’s just that, well, the raccoon seemed to get a lot more press and live coverage. Perhaps that’s because it’s sad and awful to think of those poor kids, abused and forever traumatized in the name of an indifferent electorate, half of whom are glad to have President Diaper Nazi escalate this horror by sending troops to the border to stand around acting tough and scary (and, theoretically, to help himself in the 2018 midterms).
It’s frightening to consider the moral oblivion into which our authoritarian leaders have plunged this country — which, incidentally, may compound a thirst for soft news stories on inspiring animals. Might that be it?
But while I’ve got your attention, let’s see what else is happening to families in America, all through the mandate of a senile troll whose open attacks on the free press help him lie with impunity on a near-hourly basis. There are the hundreds of people being sexually assaulted in detention by immigration agents, especially ICE’s vindictive goons. A Honduran woman awaiting prosecution for illegal entry into the U.S. had her daughter ripped away as she was trying to breastfeed. Attorney General Jeff Sessions is looking to block victims of gang abuse and domestic violence from claiming asylum here. A teenage DACA recipient sent back to Mexico was murdered three weeks later. Told he would be separated from his wife and 3-year-old son after crossing the border with them into Texas, a man killed himself in his holding cell. We’re set to begin “denaturalizing” immigrants who are already citizens, supposedly for lying on their paperwork, but don’t be surprised if this new “task force” invents a host of other reasons to deport them. The children of those same immigrants live in continual fear of terrifying raids.
The President of the United States reportedly considering construction of a prison camp to hold up to 5,000 children https://t.co/H1ovc4I7pv
— Wesley (@WesleyLowery) June 12, 2018
Anyway, kudos to the raccoon, and a large fuck you to Trump, Sessions, ICE and CBP, as well the various other quisling bureaucrats and functionaries engaged in a campaign of ethnic cleansing, newly empowered to weaponize state power to crush refugees who believe the lies America tells about itself. If only they could suffer a single moment of the hell they’ve created. By the way, not one of these non-raccoon dipshits would have made it past the second floor of that building.
[h/t Katie Moussouris]
Miles Klee
Miles Klee is MEL’s resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. He’s also the author of the novel ‘Ivyland’ and a story collection, ‘True False.’
