How Do I Up My Pull-Up Game?

As in, I’d like to be able to do at least one of them

I’m Doing All These Curls. Why Won’t My Biceps Get Bigger Already?

I should have pythons by now, but all I’m left with are these little garden snakes

If I Really Put Effort Into It, How Quickly Could I Gain 10 Pounds of Muscle?

Interestingly enough, the more out-of-shape you are, the faster things go