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There’s No More Perfect Capricorn Than Jesus

From the heavens? Check. Associated with a father figure? Check. Has something to do with God? Triple check.

Recently my friend and colleague Miles Klee sent me this egregious tweet:

Here’s the thing, though: Of course, Jesus was a Capricorn. Yes, technically, his birthday is December 25th, but he also shares all the traits of a model Capricorn. As MEL’s resident in-house astrologist/dude-strologist, allow me to count the ways:

  1. He experienced a quick rise to fame, followed by a rapid fall. Capricorns rule the top of the natal chart — the mid-heaven. They’re associated with the father, god (or anything that’s seen as above ourselves) and our public standing. And, um, heaven, the father and God are all pretty related to Jesus — you know, the Son of God as well as, obviously, a heaven-dweller.
  2. He was sensitive to those around him and naturally fell into a leadership role. On the day before his crucifixion, he accepted his death sentence with dignity and grace rather than a melodramatic freak-out (see Cancer for that), and surrounded himself with 12 of his closest friends (i.e., the Disciples) — of whom he was the leader. As for Judas, that one not-so-great friend, he was probably a two-faced Gemini.
  3. He came from humble beginnings and only grew through hardship. Dude was born in a stack of hay and toiled as a carpenter, building himself up from nothing to become someone we still talk about today (not to mention, the star of the best-selling book of all-time). That’s the goal of every Capricorn.
  4. He NEVER smiled. Honestly, this is the most telltale sign of a Capricorn — their willingness to take on their own emotional burdens, and the burdens of those around them. However you slice it, Capricorns enjoy being rocks for those they love, without ever breaking down either. Also, he only cried once (see John Chapter 11, Verse 35). ONCE. And he didn’t even wanna talk about it.

I rest my case. Because the birth of the Christ child we’re celebrating today — the baby who would go on to become known as the King of Kings, the Prince of Peace, the Lamb of God, etc. — is also Capricorn-iest of Capricorns.