ASMRNUN

The Very Sunday Best of the Viral ASMR Nun

Allow Sister Angelica to bring you some peace on this day of worship

Did you ever think pretending to be sick with the bubonic plague in the 14th century while a nun charged you for her bedside care would relax you? Me neither. At least, not before I found Angelica, a YouTuber specializing in ASMR videos.

Then again, the relaxing pleasure associated with ASMR is difficult to define because the accounts of the sensations are so wide-ranging. The term most commonly used to name the feeling is “brain orgasm.” Other frequent descriptions are “tickling,” “tingling” and the “fuzzies.” However it’s described, though, the results are usually the same: Deep, full-bodied sensations that begin at your spine and make you coo like a baby in absolute peace.

YouTube is responsible for the birth of these “whisperer” videos, in which other sounds like smacking, brushing or even breathing are evoked as intentional triggers. Most people report watching these videos to help them relax or fall asleep. Personally, I love the way they reflect how relaxing and pleasurable we find the mundane blabber of another human being. (For many years, my favorite ASMR video was a young woman describing what school supplies she was packing for class the next day.)

Still, Angelica takes the form to a whole new freaky and creative level — an actress whose penchant for accents, role play and subtly decolonial humor make her a shouter among whisperers, if you will. Unfortunately, she declined my interview request, preferring to remain anonymous, but that doesn’t mean we still can’t have a little Sunday service with her. Here then are my favorite videos she’s made thus far…

“1300s A.D. ASMR~ Nun Takes Care of You In Bed {You Have the Plague}”

Angelica is a money-hungry nun in this period piece, during which she clanks a bunch of coins together and tells you, a plague patient, “Even God is having a bit of a bankruptcy situation in these [unintelligible] times, so we need every nickel and dime we have. Is this all you have? Good good.” And: “I know during these tough times, people are starting to lose their faith in God. The church, but we call it God, make it a lot easier for transactions to happen.”

Later on, while rubbing rosary beads together, she starts to get rude. “Oh my, did you just sneeze on me?” The only miss? After examining your skin, she asks, “Have you tried Accutane?” It’s a great line, but obviously historically inaccurate.

“1940’s ASMR~ WWII Nurse Role Play {1900-2000 Series}”

This time around you’re a wounded World War II soldier laid up in the hospital and Angelica is the nurse taking care of you. At one point, she introduces the character of Lieutenant Dan, which I’m guessing is Forrest Gump inspired.

In particular, she looks aside and says, “Isn’t that right Lieutenant Dan?” Then she frowns. “You know he doesn’t mean that?” she continues. “Sarcasm is such a potent tool sometimes.” She may be caring for your wounds, but she still wants you to know your lieutenant is there breaking your balls.

“1600s A.D. ASMR~ Salem Witch Cleans Your Energy {From the Puritans}”

Angelica is a witch who understands the misogyny inherent to Western Puritanism. By cleansing your energy from the weight of Puritan rule in the 1600s, Angelica is doing you a massive favor. And unlike the Puritans, she asks for consent before doing so: “I’m going to do you a favor. I’m going to cleanse you of their negative energy. I’m going to cleanse you of the draining force they often exert upon others — their constant nagging, their constant belittling, judging, threatening. And you’re going to feel a lot better, much better afterwards. Is this okay with you? I like asking for consent… it’s very rare among puritans.”

“1800s ASMR~ Post Mortem Photography Makeup {You’re a Corpse}”

No nursing back to health necessary here. You’re already dead. “God, we’re going to need more coverage,” she says as she assesses how to make you look best for your funeral. She later realizes, “We’re going to need at least four layers of foundation.” This video earned her one of her best comments: “sound effects 10/10 i love to hear the sound of blush being put on my corpse.”

“Monster Series ASMR~ Valley Girl Demon Trades You a Soul”

Just in time for Halloween, Angelica plays a valley girl demon talking to you, another demon from hell. “How did you get out? Did the head honcho let you out?” she asks. “Like, I’ve never heard her just letting someone out of you know, hell. It’s such a great party, like why would you want to leave in the first place? I only ever leave hell to go visit Paris and Milan.”

Next, she calls Christians out for always drawing the devil as ugly even though the bible says he’s good looking. She knows they drew him like the gods of pagan religions to ensure their followers rejected him in favor of Christian monotheism. If anything, as she explains, the reverse is true, “Only people in heaven dress drably.”