Given that we’ve reached peak ass eating, most straight dudes today have no qualms about licking their partner’s ass, but they aren’t always sure what to do when she wants to return the favor. In large part, because they’re concerned about how gross, dirty, hairy and/or smelly they might be back there. Not to mention, the psychological blockers that go along with those things — whether any of those things are true or not. And so, to help freshen things up — either down below or deep in your psyche — we enlisted some experts in the art of analingus/rimming/ass eating/salad tossing. Here’s what they had to say…
Charlie Glickman is a sex coach, relationships expert and author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners: One thing people don’t realize is that your pelvic floor reflects your emotional state. That’s where we get the phrase “tight ass” from. The more stressed out you are, the tighter your pelvic floor becomes — in the same way a dog or a cat tucks their tail under when they’re scared. Being present in your ass doesn’t mean you have to try anal play, but it begins with paying attention to that part of your body. Anal stimulation is one way people start doing this, especially because of how much it relaxes the body. We have this cultural attitude that men do and women receive when talking about heterosexual dynamics, so it can be a change of pace for men and their partners to explore that in reverse.
Other guys are worried receiving anal pleasure makes them gay. But it’s who you want to have sex with that defines your orientation, not any particular sex act. From a sexological perspective, anything that people with two different genders do is heterosexual sex. Now, whenever trying something new, it’s always a good idea to start off making it a side dish rather than the main course. Maybe she starts off with a blow job that progressively moves a little further down until it becomes rimming. Or while receiving rimming, your partner can also use their hand on your penis, or you can use your own hand on your penis. Basically make rimming an “add-on,” because it can be more comfortable for a lot of guys if they begin receiving this pleasure when combined with a kind of pleasure they already know.
Either way, try to create as much emotional and physical comfort for yourself as possible. Get into a position that feels good. For some people, that’s lying on their back with a pillow under their hips and raising their knees to their chest. For others, it might mean standing on the floor and bending over the end of the bed or lying down face down flat on the bed. Others might get on their hands and knees. Every guy is different. So communicate personal information about what might make you feel most comfortable or get you off before you begin.
The biggest question I get from guys is about hygiene. If it’s been a hot day and maybe you’ve gotten a little sweaty, you might want to take a shower and have a quick rinse off. You can also do the little bird bath thing with a washcloth in the sink. Most people have body hair, and a lot of guys have a lot of hair around their anus. As such, you might feel more comfortable giving or receiving rimming if the receiver shaves or waxes. It’s just a way of keeping things a little neater down there.
Nina Hartley, legendary porn star and creator of the Nina Hartley’s Guide… series, erotic, instructional videos made to help people fuck (and feel) better: The best thing to do is simply be washed. A freshly washed front and rear is key. Don’t, however, use strong-smelling soap or cologne because they both taste very busy. If you want, a last-minute swipe of your butt with a baby wipe is always polite, too.
Cindy Esser, an L.A. esthetician who is said to have “changed the pubic landscape of Los Angeles” as the first salon owner to wax vaginal lips and anuses (at the request of then Home Improvement actress and Playmate Pamela Anderson): The thing about hair is that it really holds odor, so waxing it is very hygienic. Sex and hygiene will never go out of style, and let’s face it, no one wants to floss their teeth while they are bobbin’ for apples.
Getting your cheeks and “in the butt” waxed is very easy. There’s a lot of fat that buffers the pain, more so than when getting your back waxed. I often wax the taint, the area under the testicles that connects to the anal area, while a guy is on his hands and knees. That’s pretty non-challenging as well because the skin is thicker there in comparison to the penis or testicles. Never in a million years does anyone want any hair left there. Guys will sometimes bite the pillow and pound the table while I wax, but if you’re really scared of what it will feel like, you can come in and I’ll give you a small, complimentary “test” wax on another part of your body.
One key tip? Don’t trim any of your hair beforehand! If that’s necessary, I’ll do it. Guys new to waxing have a tendency to trim it too short, which means when we swipe the wax over it, there isn’t enough leverage to pull. Leave it to a professional. I use a refined, honey beeswax that’s made especially for us, so people aren’t allergic to it. Best yet — you can be intimate immediately afterward.
Steve Holmes, legendary porn performer and the only male ass AVN Hall of Famer Joanna Angel has ever eaten (including that of her husband’s): You don’t really need advice about this. Do you enjoy getting your dick sucked? It’s like that. If you like it, just enjoy it. In my opinion, there’s nothing you have to learn about it. I like it a lot in my personal life. I’ve been in the porn industry as a performer for 23 years, where it’s a little more controversial. Many directors like it, but I’ve had other directors turn off the cameras once the woman starts licking my ass. They say, “I’m straight, and I don’t like to see that.” They don’t find it appealing. On the internet, though, I get a lot of feedback that people love ass-eating scenes.
I’ve probably shot more scenes where girls are eating my ass than any other male performer in the industry, because I really enjoy it. So now, I have a lot of fans who watch my movies hoping to see some ass eating. With Joanna, I always eat her ass, and she eats mine to return that pleasure. When you both focus on giving one another pleasure, you always have fun.
Tierney Finster
Tierney Finster is a journalist, screenwriter, actor and model from Los Angeles, California. She is a contributing writer at MEL, specializing in love, sex, mental health, drugs, queer culture and the cannabis industry. She has written for publications such as Playboy, Purple, Dazed and Confused, Jezebel and Broadly and was the key researcher behind Sex On, HBO’s revival of its iconoclastic docu-series Real Sex.
