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The Absolute Worst Things a Houseguest Can Do

Had crappy guests over Thanksgiving? At least they didn’t shit in your trashcan or massacre your fish (hopefully)

Anyone with even a meager sense of decency should understand how to be a considerate houseguest. It’s really quite simple:

  1. Ask before using stuff.
  2. Clean up after yourself.
  3. Say thank you.

But surprise! People suck at being respectful houseguests — at least, that seems to be the takeaway from this Reddit thread that asked commenters to post about the rudest possible things guests have ever done while staying over at their homes. We listed some of the most shocking tales of terrible guests from the thread below, so prepare to never invite anyone over ever again (sic, obviously, throughout).

This Houseguest Stole Video Games (And Brought Roaches)

“A friend of my dad lost his house, and we had an old bed and breakfast, so we invited them to stay with us,” commenter johokie explains. “We housed and fed them for weeks while they tried to find another place, and for that, we got roaches and criticisms of our foodmy dad was the executive chef at a freaking country club and was a damn fine cook. But that wasn’t the worst for me (I was in my late teens). The day they left, I went to play Sled Storm, my favorite game on PlayStation, but I couldn’t find it. I overturned freaking everything, but I still couldn’t find it. While searching, I noticed something even worse: My SNES (including all of the games) and half of my Nintendo 64 games were also missing. They had stayed with us as a favor, and they stole half of the shit that I had paid for with birthday money saved up over the years. Fuck those people.”

This Houseguest Shaved Her Pubes in the Shower

“I let a neighbor-lady come over with her two young daughters to use our shower, since her slack-ass husband hadn’t paid their water bill,” commenter ChrissyStepfordwife explains. “I went upstairs to the bathroom after they left, and the bathtub was clogged with pubic hair. It was all over the sides of the tub, the bottom of the shower curtain… everywhere. Apparently she decided to change her hairstyle from 1970s Hustler to Y2K Penthouse.”

This Houseguest Destroyed an Expensive Knife

“My ex-wife’s sister used a $150 chef’s knife to try and crack open a coconut in my kitchen,” commenter multivac7223 writes. “She dented it all over and bent the tip somehow. She then said that it must be a cheap knife, because her sister in Thailand cuts them open super easily with a cleaver. One bright side of divorce is that I never have to suffer her presence ever again.”

This Houseguest Asked the Homeowner to Leave

“My in-laws hated me,” commenter Arboretum7 writes. “We invited them over for Thanksgiving dinner, and upon arrival, they asked me to leave and come back a few hours later, because they wanted to ‘follow their tradition of preparing the meal alone as a family.’ They’re now my ex-in-laws.”

This Houseguest Shit in the Trash Can

“A friend was once sleeping on my boyfriend’s couch after a night of drinking,” commenter hyperorbit explains. “We woke up the next morning, and the only bathroom was locked from the inside — no answer. I just knew he was dead. But after quite some time, we were able to jimmy something that could unlock the door, only to find the bathroom empty and no friend. He had filled up the little bathroom trash can with diarrhea and fled into the night.”

This Houseguest Pulled a Knife on Everyone

“I threw a party, and some random guy showed up claiming that he’s a friend of one of the invited guests (who didn’t end up coming to the party),” commenter cbrewdrummer explains. “He proceeded to do a bunch of cocaine that he brought, since no one else there was into it, and pulled a knife on my friend. I told him he needed to leave, and he pointed the knife at me. Everyone surrounded him, and he left. I don’t remember his name, but he was the worst guest I’ve ever had and hopefully will ever have over.”

This Houseguest Stole UTI Medication (And They Didn’t Even Have a UTI)

“They stole medication out of my bathroom after eating my food and smoking all of my cigarettes that were on the table,” commenter godwins_laws_34 writes. “I know they stole the medication, because of the blood-curdling scream that came out of the bathroom: The medication that they ingested were for a UTI — they numb your business and make you piss bright red. The dumbass thought he was dying. I didn’t even invite him — he was a roommates’ guest.”

This Houseguest Massacred a Bunch of Fish

“I was a kid — probably nine or 10 — and my mom had a friend and her son over for lunch,” commenter eta5minutes writes. “The kid disappeared for about 10 minutes, and at the time, I thought he had gone to the bathroom because I also really had to go. When he came back, I quickly maneuvered my way past him into the room before the bathroom, where we had a fish tank. This would be completely irrelevant if the fish tank wasn’t cloudy and swirling about. At first glance, I didn’t know what it was until I noticed smashed and ripped apart pieces of little fish faces moving around in the swirl. The kid had reached into the fishtank and squeezed the ever-loving life out of every single fish in that tank.”

This Houseguest Destroyed the Plumbing

“We had some relatives over, and despite very, very clear instructions to not flush feminine products down the toilet, they did anyway,” commenter Flimflomzimzoon explains. “They destroyed our septic field, causing almost $10,000 in damages overall. When confronted, they denied it despite the fact that the 32 pads pulled out of the system matched the brand that they used while they were over.”

This Houseguest Brought Over a Felon Fuck Buddy

“A (married) friend of my fiancée was staying with us for a week,” commenter Elboato144 writes. “She ended up going out and meeting some dude somewhere, and she invited him over to our place to fuck. When they got here, my fiancée and I were both home, so the friend asked if she could ‘borrow’ our bedroom. When we said no, the guy asked if he could shoot up heroin in our apartment. When my fiancée told him no and asked him to leave, he groped her. When she told me to call the cops, he pulled a knife and threatened both of us. This is the only time I’ve ever pointed a loaded gun at another human being. When the cops arrived, we found out that the shitbag had several warrants out for various crimes, including aggravated assault and rape. We don’t talk to that friend anymore, and we did inform her husband of this situation.”