The FBI loves a good nickname. And with some of their active cases and unsolved robberies, a few of their nicknames for suspects make it to the local headlines. That’s even more common when the Bureau applies a little more poetry to their process — the outcome being some pretty spectacular criminal noms de guerre.
There was the Dapper Desperado, an alias he earned from the smart outfits he wore all the way to the cash drawer. Or the Mummy Marauder, who appropriately walked up to a teller with gauze wrapped around his face. And we could never forget Mr. Manners of Montrose, who, after robbing a bank, paused to thank the employees and wished them all “a good day.”
This month, however, the FBI busted a man suspected of robbing banks in the Phoenix suburbs who earned a truly enviable moniker: the Razzmatazz Robber. It’s the sort of alliterative appellation that immediately sets off mental fireworks: Who could possibly deserve such a silly nickname? How does this happen? And most importantly, were jazz hands involved?
No, his dope-ass new title has nothing to do with the tart Jamba Juice smoothie or the music hall in Barcelona. It wasn’t inspired by the 1981 Quincy Jones song “Razzamatazz” either.
According to a press release from the Phoenix FBI Field Office, the suspected Razzmatazz Robber is 41-year-old Andres Murrietta, who was apprehended without incident just after he allegedly robbed the SunWest Credit Union — the fourth in a string of local bank robberies. As it turns out, the Razzmatazz Robber’s modus operandi was simple and predictable: Per the FBI, “Murietta would enter the bank, produce a robbery demand note and a paper bag for the money.” Once he got the cash he came for, Murietta would escape the scene in “a vehicle that resembled the color of the Crayola crayon known as razzmatazz.”
And there you have it — one of the best FBI-appointed criminal nicknames was inspired by the innocent, waxy fun found in a box of Crayola crayons. Why shouldn’t it be? If you’re going to end up with a nickname from the Feds, it may as well be a colorful one.
Zaron Burnett III
Zaron Burnett is an investigative journalist and longform features writer based in Los Angeles. He covers culture, politics, race, and other perplexing mysteries for MEL.
