When I got high with my mom for the first time five years ago, I learned the best and worst part of smoking weed with Boomers: They can’t hang. My otherwise sweet, Midwestern mother destroyed a box of granola bars, mocked my “raptor hands” and confessed to recurring dreams about Michael Jordan, all before passing out in record time.
They grow up so fast.
And yet, not all moms are newbies. In fact, data indicates that weed use is on the rise among adults 65 and older, as well as with women in general.
Whatever the case may be for the mom in your life — whether she hasn’t smoked since the 1960s or hasn’t stopped since then (or if she falls somewhere along that spectrum) — here’s how to give her just the right amount of weed love this Mother’s Day…
For the New-Smoker Mom
“A little warning to returning Boomer smokers: 2020 weed isn’t the same weed you had in the 1960s,” says Eric Balshin, CEO of premium CBD company Yesterday Wellness. As such, Balshin recommends lightweight moms like mine start with a strain that’s high in CBD and low in THC, like ACDC, Sour Tsunami and Pennywise, which should keep both her (and your granola bars) safe. “ACDC is a great first step in getting started with using cannabis and hemp as medicine or for recreational purposes.”
That said, some moms may want something a little higher in THC so they really feel the intoxicating effects — without, of course, freaking out. A strain like Early XXX is perfect for striking that delicate balance, suggests Guy Sherman, founder of the cannabis review site 10Buds. “Early XXX is a fun, lighthearted 15 percent THC 60-40 sativa-indica that will give the newly minted pothead looking for some recreation a fantastic time,” Sherman explains. “While the mom who tries this strain may experience the stereotypical short-term memory loss, she’s bound to have a great time that will create memories for years to come as well.”
For the Stressed-Out Working Mom
Whether she’s running an essential business or juggling Zoom calls in the other room, working moms deserve to get higher than Snoop Dogg on their special day. Wedding Cake is a great strain to accomplish this task, because the sticky, lemony weed is loaded trichomes, the tiny, fine hairs on pot often referred to as kief that are loaded with cannabinoids and make for a strong, aromatic high.
“Wedding Cake’s effects are mostly cerebral and are good medicine for anxiety and depression,” Balshin says. He does caution, however, that like cake itself, it’s easy to overindulge: “Be careful, too much and you’ll be locked to your couch for the unforeseeable future.”
In other words, make sure this mother doesn’t have to go back to work for a while.
For the Mom With Shit to Do
In contrast to Wedding Cake’s chill, the indica-dominant Papaya is great for staying present enough to still accomplish necessary tasks. And the fact that it tastes like its namesake is a bonus for a mom who got way more than the fruit basket she’d hoped for. “The indica in Papaya prevents you from floating off into la-la land while you get done the critical work that needs to be done as a busy mom,” says Ian Kelly, VP of Operations at NuLeaf Naturals. At the same time, he’s sure to clarify, “Papaya gifts its users with feelings of happiness and euphoria and focus and calm.”
For the Mom With Chronic Pain
No mom should feel discomfort on Mother’s Day, especially when they’re in pain most of the rest of the time. The hybrid strain Cannatonic isn’t only an outstanding piece of wordplay, it’s also outstanding for treating said chronic pain. “It’s truly medicinal cannabis,” Balshin says. “Don’t expect a euphoric blast as much as a warm body feeling and onset relief that can last up to four hours.”
For the Mom Who Loves to Eat
Mother’s Day should always include a great meal. So grab some curbside pickup at her favorite restaurant and then bring along Monster Cookies for dessert. This indica-dominant strain is a cross between Girl Scout Cookies and Grand Daddy Purple, and it’s known for its citrus and pepper scent. “Prepare for an even dose of euphoria and relaxation,” Balshin says. “Munchies will kick in at about the 45-minute to 1-hour mark, so it’s best to have a warm plate of nachos handy.”
Other strains known for their food-enhancing effects are Alaskan Thunderfuck and Trainwreck, which are best paired with whatever snacks are in the house. But nothing beats weed named after the cookie monster your mom is about to become.
For the Mom Who Needs to Reconnect With Her Partner
For those looking to buy the mother of their children a sexier gift, Bubblegum Kush, Sour Diesel, Harlequin and Jillybean all offer libido-enhancing effects. Or if you’d like to help your parents reconnect in a completely clothed way, Balshin suggests Maui Wowie, Blueberry or Northern Lights because “they’re great for memories.”
For the Heavyweight Mom
Finally, for the special lady who can smoke all the other mothers under the table, Balshin says Bubba Kush, RS11 and Tahoe OG are the most potent strains. Meanwhile, Sherman recommends Auto Blueberry Domina. “This luscious berry-scented bud is at 17 percent THC and 70 percent indica, so it will more than give her permission to sit down on the couch and enjoy that home-cooked meal,” he says, before offering one last warning, “Auto Blueberry Domina isn’t for the faint of heart.”
Then again, neither is motherhood.
Lauren Vinopal
Lauren Vinopal is a writer and stand-up comedian based out of New York City, who writes mostly about health, science and men. She is the host of the Mid Riff Comedy Show in Brooklyn, a frequent podcast guest all over, and lives the life of a teen who looks like they haven’t slept in years.
