The first thing the self-fuck community would like to clear up is that they don’t put their erect penises into their butts. That would be a violation of both anatomy and physics: You simply cannot muster the right amount of torque in a boner to manipulate it past your taint. “People seem to think that we take our raging hard-on and flip it around to our ass and go to town, which is absolutely false,” says a man in his mid-30s, who lives in the southern U.S. “I needed to clear the air quickly on that because I absolutely do not want anybody getting injured from trying this.”
That warning is also pinned to the top of the r/selffuck subreddit, which has emerged as the de facto symposium for anyone interested in unlocking the full potential of their sex organs.
To avoid further danger, the Southerner who founded the subreddit in 2014, gladly walked me through exactly how the rest of this self-fuck thing works. Again, though, he stresses that you must keep your dick flaccid. Men simply aren’t blessed with a malleable hard cock, so if you want to enjoy the pleasures of self-sufficient penetration, you need to make some concessions. But when said concessions have been made (and the will for self-fucking is there), grab the helmet of your penis and wrap it toward your back. Then, with your free hand, stretch it out til it sits slightly past your anus. Next: “You ‘cup’ your fingers, which points the helmet directly toward your hole, and puts the pressure needed to get it in,” continues the Southerner. “The easiest method for a first time self-fuck is to use the edge of your bathtub, a chair or the floor. Anything solid under your hands will help tremendously.” Then, and only then, will you begin to get hard.
The results speak for themselves. Scroll through the top upvoted posts in r/selffuck history, and bear witness to a festival of images and videos tributing the unbreakable spirit of horny, curious men. Nirvana is reserved for those who not only self-fuck, but are capable of climaxing during the process. “That’s the goal of self-fucking,” says a regular, who is 30 and lives on the east coast of Canada. “I consistently give myself creampies. I’ve even climaxed while double-penetrating myself with a dildo without even moving my cock once it’s in.”
In my middle-school youth I remember reading lengthy forum threads in the mustier corners of the Boy Internet that detailed the nuances required to fuck a jacuzzi jet. Something about the water pressure, and the relative tightness of the spigot apparently made for a decent vagina surrogate. I almost tried it once, but could never muster the nerve, or the lack of shame. Later, the single most popular urban legend during recess was that Marilyn Manson had surgery to remove a rib so he could suck his own dick. (Manson, for his part, has never addressed that query directly.) All of this, though, is wishful thinking, dreamt up by children capable of every deviant thought in the world, but bereft of the maturity or agency to flirt, seduce or swipe right. Self-fucking, to me, is the ultimate incarnation of that pubescent spark — you don’t even need to know someone with a hot tub.
Today, the subreddit stands at about 15,000 subscribers, which is a fact that stuns the founder. He says he was moved to create it after discovering that there was nowhere else on the internet to discuss the techniques and philosophy of self-fucking. (He himself discovered the practice by reading about it on a forum dedicated to solo fellatio.) As you might expect, the contours of the subreddit split between aspirational pictures and videos from those who have mastered the self-fuck form, acolytes in search of advice and non-believers looking to either gawk or be convinced. “We get a ton of repeated questions, which gets annoying, but for the most part, the community is absolutely amazing and supportive of each other,” explains the founder. “I want this subreddit to be as open and honest as possible.”
My favorite posts are from those who have struggled for months to coerce their penis into their anus, and return to the subreddit freshly after crushing a plateau point with the good news. Self-fucking is a difficult thing to achieve, and some keep track of their pace, as if writing in a diary. “Closest I’ve come so far!” reads the title of one recent topic. “I kept pushing my hands from the base of my cock down to my head repeatedly. I noticed my swollen head was touching my hole,” it recounts. “Settled for a bathroom jerk off. Closer than ever tho…”
For some, sex is best when you’re forced to work for it, and according to the regular poster, the bottlenecking degree of difficulty gives the self-fuck community a wholesome sense of harmony. “It’s pretty gratifying to share [your results] with people who are into the same thing,” he says. “It’s also not something you can share with many people, so having such a niche group that’s equally enthused about something is really nice.”
I wanted to know if that sense of accomplishment played into the pleasure, but for many, it boils down to the physical dynamics. “I love anal play, both giving and receiving. And this literally combines both,” says the regular poster. “It feels exactly like fucking someone in the ass, and getting fucked in the ass at the same time.” The founder has a slightly different take: When he first heard the self-fucking call, he discovered something that refused categorization in any of his previous sexual experiences. “[It’s] nothing like masturbation, a vagina or another person’s ass,” he tells me. “The only time I’ve found it extremely pleasuring was when I neared orgasm and everything because extremely sensitive. The feeling of cumming inside yourself is a feeling like no other.”
Currently, however, the founder is in the midst of a sabbatical. He’s freshly married to a wonderful woman, and is too busy enjoying the fruits of honeymoon bliss to dive back into the grunt work of self-fucking. Still, he says he’s genuinely honored by the community that has been left in his wake. He entered a world where there was no solidarity for men who want to put their own penises into their anuses, and in that sense, he’s changed the course of history. R/selffuck will be waiting for every horny curiosity that passes through the womb.
“We’ve been extremely lucky with the community, and I thank each and every one of them that’s posted great content and kept the sub going the way that it has,” he says. “Once again, I’ve never thought we’d get over 20 subscribers, so 15,000 is absolutely amazing.”
Luke Winkie
Luke Winkie is a writer and former pizza maker from San Diego. In addition to MEL, he's written for Rolling Stone, Vice, the New York Times, Gizmodo, Vox and anywhere else good content can be found.
