Well, here we are. The end of 2021, second year of the pandemic, everyone’s got the hot new COVID-19 variant, and the smart play, once again, is avoiding contact with other people. Damn.
There’s a lot I’m going to miss this holiday season — the family time, the cozy fires, singing carols around the piano and stuffing myself with cookies. It sucks that I won’t get to see my friends, either, because I was really looking forward to holding hands with the homies.
The minute it’s safe to do so, we should all meet up with our homies and hold hands. Yep, that’s going to be my New Year’s resolution: never pass up the chance to hold a homie’s hand. I’m certain that the support and reassurance that come with this simple act of intimacy would strengthen my heart for any challenge. Why wasn’t I doing it before? The hell was I thinking?
It’s the little things, isn’t it? The warmth of someone else’s palm. The slight pressure of a playful, affectionate squeeze. The natural fit of interlaced fingers. Our hands were made for this! And mine are hella lonely right now. Imagine the homies all over who feel the same. In a parallel universe, we’re standing in a huge circle, hand-in-hand, having an absolute blast. I’m jealous of those homies, but I’ve got to believe we can make the same happen here. It would rock so hard.
Every so often, someone wants to know if it’s “gay” for homies to hold hands. The answer is: sure, if you want. This kind of hand-holding can also be straight. Or it can have nothing whatsoever to do with sexual orientation. Most importantly, though, it’s nice. Don’t overthink it! And don’t be afraid of looking queer, because honestly, that’ll just make you more popular. We live in the 2020s, an age of progress and shattered taboos. Hold your homie’s hand with pride.
God, I wish that were me. That’s what I want for Christmas: a homie’s hand to hold. I’ll even hold Santa’s hand, if he’s up for it — dude is one of the ultimate homies, and I bet anything he’s about that life. Otherwise, I guess the hand-holding will have to wait until the case numbers start trending down. I’ll be washing and moisturizing my hands regularly so they’re optimized for that moment. The first homie who high-fives me a few months from now is going to be so surprised when I grab his hand and refuse to let go. But if he’s a real homie, he’ll hold mine right back.
Miles Klee
Miles Klee is MEL’s resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. He’s also the author of the novel ‘Ivyland’ and a story collection, ‘True False.’
