The 2016 Election is enough to drive anyone to drink. Here are six ways to stay thematic while celebrating your favorite candidates (or drowning your political sorrows).
The Clinton
2 ounces bourbon
2 dashes cherry bitters
1 packet Equal, artificial sweetener
Splash sparkling water
Garnish with citrus twist and Luxardo cherry
The Clinton is an updated take on the classic Old Fashioned. Muddle one packet of Equal with cherry bitters. Add bourbon and a splash of sparkling water. After it’s finished, break your glass in a symbolic ode to broken glass ceilings.
The Sanders
2 ounces bourbon
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons Vermont maple syrup
pinch of cayenne pepper
The Sanders is a master cleanse to help detoxify the broken financial system. Rub the rim of the glass with a cayenne pepper and #FeelTheBern.
The Rubio
1.5 ounces rum
.75 ounce Kahlua
2 ounces Cuban coffee
Serve in a bottle of Poland Springs water
The Rubio’s energy boost honors the Cuban “go-getters” the candidate descended from (his dad was a bartender in Las Vegas at one point). Combine ingredients in a Poland Springs bottle and shake vigorously. Chase with water: it’s important to stay hydrated when running for president or battling anxiety-induced dry mouth.
The Cruz
2 ounces scotch
2 ounces holy water
Holy water must first be blessed by a religious figure. If holy water is not offered in your place of worship, take a shot of Scotch and submerge it in a body of water while accepting Ted Cruz as your Lord and Savior.
The Trump
3 ounces Everclear
1 ounce dry vermouth
Garnish with diamonds and Slovenian-imported olives
This Everclear martini won’t go down easy, but if drinking to forget is your primary goal, a Trump is the cocktail for you. If you’re a martini purist, tell your servant to omit the vermouth.
The Jeb!
2 ounces tequila
12 ounces Busch Light
3 ounces limeade
6 teardrops
The Jeb! is a beer margarita that can be served blended or on the rocks. Feel free to make an extra and pour one out for Bush’s 2016 presidential campaign. Drink until you forget the answers to questions you were just asked or until all of your sentences sound like they end in exclamation points.
Steph Russ is a Los Angeles-based writer and mixologist. Her first book Energy: Cocktails to Get You Up came out in December.
