We mainly use Spotify to hear music — makes sense, considering the streaming service houses more than 30 million tracks. But not all of those tracks are actually music; Spotify is also home to a bunch of weird stuff. None of which will probably make your next party playlist, but it doesn’t mean you can’t learn a thing or two.
Tune Into Old Radio Dramas
Back when radio was transmitted over the air and not via the internet, people used to listen to serialized dramas. Now we depend on podcasts like Serial for similar types of storytelling, but that’s not to say what aired back in the day still isn’t compelling. Try this playlist of old-timey radio dramas — especially if you need to brush up on your ninth-grade English class. There’s also an hourlong radio version of 1984. Or if you want something more offbeat, Blair Underwood lends his sultry tones to a radio version of The Twilight Zone’s classic “To Serve Man,” which is still probably the longest pun in entertainment history.
Heal Yourself with Meditation
Some British guy named Dr. Bob has recorded nearly 17 hours of meditation tracks. It’s very soothing! And just in case you’re worried about getting hypnosis from some British guy named Dr. Bob, there are a ton of other meditation albums to choose from, too, like this one.
Be A Better Husband
The secret to fixing a broken marriage? Playing the piano. At least according to the cover art for Spotify-hosted, “A Guide For Improving Your Marriage” by the Good Marriage Society. Haven’t destroyed your marriage yet? No problem. There’s also advice for how to find your soulmate.
Avoid Identity Theft
There are at least three albums on Spotify devoted to protecting you against identity theft. They are all pretty good. Want to know which one I think is the best? Just e-mail me your Social Security number and valid credit card information, and I’ll tell you.
Wish Your Friend A Happy Birthday
From “Aaron” to “Zola”, a company called Bush Bash Productions has created 988 different versions of the “happy birthday” song — each with a new name. Genius, especially considering the actual “Happy Birthday Song” is copyrighted and can’t be reproduced for profit. Don’t worry, this alternative version gets the point across.
Listen to Songs About Literally Anything
Matt Farley is famous for recording songs about basically anything. (Kinda like Jimmy Buffett.) He’s written more than 14,000 songs; he’s so prolific that he can make thousands of dollars in streaming royalties simply because his catalog is so large. Here’s a playlist of his best stuff, which includes the hits “Poop into a Wormhole,” “Librarian at the Library” and “Tom Brady Is Back!”
Teach Your Baby to Enjoy EDM
Thanks to the “Baby Chill Music Consort,” your little one can come out of the womb ready to let the beat drop. Thirty tracks of baby-themed electronic dance music begins with “Smile a Little” and ends with “Hands Up” — no doubt the perfect way to grow your kid into an Ibiza–ready DJ.
Put Your Dog to Sleep
In case your dog is having trouble getting to sleep, and his go-to noise machine isn’t doing the trick, why not try this playlist of soothing sleep sounds? Things that apparently put dogs to rest include “Washing Machine, Spin Cycle,” “Rumbling Fan” and “Sink Spray.” Goodnight, pup.
Brian Feldman is a writer in New York City. He can’t think of a joke to add here.