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26 Things We Learned About DILFs…

…When trying to learn as much as we could about DILFs

  1. We began our DILF-hunting with a clear objective — to find the DILF equivalent of Stifler’s Mom. Or Lisa Ann. Or the countless other MILFs in straight porn. “Basically once you’re 35 or over in porn, you get labeled MILF,” says Cherie DeVille, the porn MILF du jour. “It’s the industry’s word for like, categorizing women. Even though it stands for ‘Mom I’d Like to Fuck,’ it doesn’t have as much to do with having children as much as it does just being a mature lady.”
  2. As far as we can tell, though, there’s no DILF on the Lisa Ann or Cherie Deville scale, where it’s as much a personal brand as it is a genre. Case in point: There are 20.3 million Google results for “MILF.” There are 445,000 for “DILF.”
  3. “In straight porn, there are DILFs, but they’re not DILFs for the audience; they’re DILFs for performers,” gay porn performer and intellectual Conner Habib explains. “In other words, I’ve heard women in porn talk about their ‘porn daddies.’ I think that’s an untapped market for straight porn. There’s also lots of ‘My best friend’s dad’ stuff in straight porn (or the reverse, ‘My daughter’s friend’). And that’s DILF-y even if viewers don’t register it as such.”
  4. It might not remain an untapped market for long, though — at least per Pornhub’s 2015 Year in Review. Global searches for “stepdad and daughter” increased by 307 percent in 2015 compared to 2014. And “stepdad and daughter” was among the top 15 searches conducted by women who use Pornhub. Women also searched for “daddy” (by 353 percent) and “stepdad” (by 240 percent) way more than men did.
  5. Gay men in Massachusetts love their daddy porn, too, according to Pornhub. It was the state’s “most reviewed relative gay category” in Pornhub’s study of gay searches on the tube site. Overall, “black daddy,” “daddy” and “coach” (a trio of DILF-adjacent terminology) were among the top search terms of gay men in the United States.
  6. The best DILF porn title is The Boy Who Cried DILF.
  7. The best without DILF in its name is Dad Takes a Fishing Trip, starring Allen Silver, the closest thing to a DILF in gay porn (along with Brad Kalvo, says Habib). In Dad Takes A Fishing Trip, Silver has a scene where he jerks off with his two sons while having an ejaculation contest — presumably on a boat. “I don’t have a lot of sex in that movie,” Silver says. “And for some reason, I had to memorize an enormous amount of dialogue. I had trouble memorizing all of it. So I recorded all the other actor’s lines as a way to help memorize my own. I ended up leaving the recording on an airplane, which meant somebody found a recorder with some very strange stuff on it.”
  8. Silver has no problem with his DILF typecasting. “My interest in dad stuff came before porn,” he says. “I had done some work with the Body Electric School, and we did some things with roleplay. I also did similar energy and body work on my own and found such a spirituality in the dad role. So when I got to be a dad in scenes, it was easy because the dad archetype really means something to me.”
  9. He does look the part — bearded, sculpted and graying everywhere. On Tumblr, at least, the tags typically listed as related to DILF are daddy, hairy, muscle, mature and gay.
  10. The DILF physique ideally should result from bearing the weight of fatherhood. “They are usually really cut, from activities such as pushing strollers, giving piggyback rides and intense trips to the local park or Disney World,” one contributor to the Urban Dictionary explained. “Ripped to the max from carrying all those baby carriages,” another wrote.
  11. Shawl-collar sweaters, half-zip cardigans and an “on-lock” scarf game are three of 17 ways in which to predict whether a childless millennial male will morph into a DILF.
  12. Other DILF apparel includes DILF socks from Robert (née Rob) Kardashian. They’re part of his larger men’s line, Arthur George, which, according to the official Arthur George site, “was born from Robert’s life-long passion for men’s accessories and his observations of the growing trend in vibrant streetwear, and lack of colorful, unique socks for men.”
  13. For his part, James Van Der Beek, teen-heartthrob-turned-DILF, has pioneered a line of DILF khakis (if only for shits and giggles).
  14. The paper “DILF or No DILF” is the biggest bait-and-switch in history. In this case, DILF — with no irony or wink — stands for the decidedly less sexy deed in lieu of foreclosure.
  15. A DILF is also a test of how well you know how to speak French.
  16. Urban Dictionary users give a number of alternative definitions for DILF: “Divorcee I’d Like to Fuck,” “Dork I’d Like to Fork, “Douche I’d Like to Forget” and “Droid I’m Looking For.” Only one offers the warning, “Not to be confused with Dad I’d Like to Fuck.”
  17. A DILF Magnet, though, is definitely related to a Dad I’d Like to Fuck. But the designation is exacting (again, per Urban Dictionary): “A girl can only claim the title of a ‘DILF Magnet’ if she goes for an extended period of time of only getting hit on by DILFs & not guys her own age.”
  18. DILF is either still new enough (more likely) or hip enough (less likely) that it needs to be explained to parents. “I know MILF,” the father of Irish YouTuber Riyadh K responded when his son made a video featuring him attempting to define new slang such as DILF. Similarly, Ryan Phillippe had to clarify for his mom why everyone refers to him as a DILF. “She said, ‘I always read in the comments that they call you a DILF.’ She goes, ‘I don’t like that. I don’t know what that means but I don’t like it.’ I had to go, ‘Well, actually mom, that means I’m a dad that they’d like to have sex with.’ ”
  19. Not to shit on Mrs. Phillippe, but the most commonly cited Hollywood DILFs are (in no particular order) Ryan Reynolds, Chris Pratt and Kyle Chandler. (BuzzFeed, of course, has made a list of them; Phillippe is not on it.)
  20. Harry Potter is also now considered a DILF.
  21. There is no more impassioned plea for celebrity DILF status than this page dedicated to convincing the internet that the World’s Greatest DILF is Dennis Quaid.
  22. A much more chill Chrissy Teigen recently did the same for her husband John Legend.
  23. There was a brief debate about whether Democratic presidential candidate Martin O’Malley was a DILF. But like his campaign, it was quickly forgotten.
  24. The most inclusive celebration of the DILF is the spinoff to the DILFs of Disneyland (338,000 followers on Instagram and counting), Ethnic DILFs of Disneyland (93 followers and counting).
  25. The choicest Instagram handle (@The_D.I.L.F) is also the biggest D.I.C.K. He claims to be a California “truck driver only here for the funnies.” He offers his 66,800 followers such tidbits of misogynistic wisdom as, “Nothing is more peaceful than watching the one you love sleep right before you creep off to another bitch house” — a sentiment that’s been liked 8,000 times so far.
  26. Luckily, British GQ has made sure that you’ll never be this guy with its handy guide on “How to Be A DILF.” Because while fatherhood might change a man, those changes should happen in such a way that they’re sure to get you crazy laid. “Nowadays, new dads — those who get it — take up the reins with both hands, pushing their chic and elevated (and very expensive) Bugaboos with their heads held high and their mojos out front. To the standard DILF-chaser, this is every bit as arousing as a guy with two hands on the wheel of a Ferrari, if not more so.”

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