Illustration by Dave van Patten

While Everyone Else Fought This Year, Dads and Waze Were Deeply in Love

And everything else we learned about love and relationships in 2016

One thing we learned in 2016: There’s basically no such thing as unconditional love — unless it’s between your father and his favorite navigation app.

Well, perhaps that’s not totally true.

We managed to find at least a few instances of people getting along in 2016 — if maybe not on Facebook. There was the aspiring sociologist who listened to evangelical male virgins talk about how “beastly” they found internet porn and how their weekly support groups kept them from having sex before marriage — with themselves, with their girlfriends or (presumably) with each other. There was the single dad who turned his kids’ daily lunch bags into works of art on brown paper, and the single sugar daddy who just wanted a companion for the farmers’ market. And how could we forget about the couple who managed to not drown each other or die of hypothermia despite living on a boat in the middle of New York City all winter long?

But more in keeping with the zeitgeist of this year, there were a lot of people who went at each other’s throats. Sometimes over the little things — like the couple who nearly broke up over green text message bubbles after the dude switched from an iPhone to Android — and sometimes over the bigger things — like the tribe of Men Going Their Own Way, who have sworn off living a life that depends on women in any way. We also found out just how much a lack of sleep can fuck up your relationship and how a death in a family can spark a new romance, thanks to the deeply confessional writing of Jennifer Sanchez and Jeremy Glass, respectively.

And we pondered a question that many a lonely guy with no plans on a Friday night has wondered: As we get older, why the fuck is it so hard to make new friends or even keep the old ones? (Hint: It’s a lot of work and we’re kinda busy.)

Will you be our friend in 2017?

The Best of Our 2016 Relationships Coverage: