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Weed Lemonade, Reviewed

As sweet and sour as Beyoncé’s new album, only richer in THC

As a major anxiety sufferer and California resident, I’ve had a prescription for medical marijuana since 2006. In the decade since, I have tried — and made — all sorts of crazy cannabis products, but these days every time I go to the dispensary I see some new thing that you can eat or drink or rub on your body. As a public service, I decided to test out some of the more intriguing options to see whether they live up to the hype.

I’m getting high for you, folks, and don’t you forget it.

So let’s see what happened this week, when I drank weed lemonade. Did I spill cornflakes in my bed? Did I successfully text an ex? Did I walk through my apartment without falling down? Did I very meticulously color-coordinate my closet? Did I finally learn how to apply lip liner?

Let’s find out.

Product: Cannabis Quencher Strawberry Lemonade

Ingredients: Water, Cane Sugar, Lemon Juice Concentrate, Organic Red Color, Organic Strawberry Flavor Concentrate, Organic Lemon Flavor Concentrate, Sodium Benzoate, Potassium Sorbate, Cannabis.

As one would hope from lemonade, the beverage is vegan and gluten-free, and the entire bottle contains 220 calories.

Purchased from: Exhale Med Center in West Hollywood. $12.

Suggested Dosage: The back of the bottle reads: “CONSUMPTION ADVICE: Start with a small amount and wait 30 minutes before drinking more… .” My guess is that “a small amount” means about one-fourth of the bottle; the nutritional information says a suggested serving is one-half.

Actual Dosage: I was going to drink the whole thing, but a full bottle of Cannabis Quencher has 200mg of THC (the equivalent of 1.87 grams of bud), and I haven’t been smoking much lately so my tolerance is pretty low. After drinking about a quarter of the bottle, I realized that if I had much more I might be catatonic for days. I ended up drinking about a third of it, which is the dosage I would recommend for someone looking to get good and toasty on a day when they have absolutely nothing else to do.

Flavor: The lemonade tastes legit delicious, refreshing and classic, with just a hint of weed. It would be easy to just chug the whole thing and then, most likely, lose your mind for six to 12 hours.

The High: It hit quick. I started drinking it at 6:30 p.m., with grand plans to go see The Jungle Book, and by 7:00 I was laughing uncontrollably at my roommate. At 7:15 I was lying on my bed, where I would remain for the next three hours, with the prospect of going to the movies a distant memory.

I’m glad I realized my limits: I couldn’t do much but lie supine on my bed, text a friend or watch silly TV, and I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I had drunk any more.

At 8:15 I texted a former booty call in response to his news that he has a new girlfriend. I do not regret what I said in the text, which I am counting as a win for both me and the lemonade.

At 9:50 I documented the fact that I “just stood up for the first time in three hours and am, in fact, still standing despite not being able to feel my face.”

I’ve actually tried this weed lemonade once before, immediately prior to a one-night stand with a friend, and wow, was that fun. I don’t really understand why weed doesn’t work this way for men, but for women who like to get high and fuck, I would highly recommend this Cannabis Quencher Strawberry Lemonade. It matches my hair, it’s tasty af, and it makes me cum super hard. Am I rating this? If I gave it a rating it would be five pot leaves (in reasonable doses). And I’ve still got most of the bottle in my fridge.

The next morning I woke up with a pretty chill weed hangover and ended up taking three accidental naps.

Conclusion: I would absolutely drink/take/enjoy/whathaveyou this lemonade again. It had a nice, non-sleepy high with lots of body tingles — I probably could have gone out into the world and been functional if I had consumed a little less. I would recommend splitting a bottle between three or four friends (with legal prescriptions and experience with edibles) or as a special treat for your next sexytime date night.

Like most nice things, Cannabis Quencher is lovely in moderation.

Eloise LeBel is a writer in Los Angeles. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

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