Say what you will about Napoleon Bonaparte, but he was an OG wife guy. By all accounts, he was madly in love with his wife, Josephine. Apparently he loved her more than she loved him, so much so, in fact, that he carried a picture of her everywhere he went, kissing it every hour on the hour. There wasn’t a thing about her that he didn’t adore — including her extra-ripe, unwashed French pussy.
While in the throes of battle, Napoleon would send numerous adoring letters to his beloved, the most infamous (and arguably the most romantic) also being the briefest. It read simply, “I will return in three days. Don’t wash!” I just imagine her blushing as those eight words washed over her, pulling her pantalones back on, keeping things fragrant for her hungry hubby. Not to mention, as a guy with a famously small dick, it’s admirable that Napoleon knew he had to excel at oral. Eating pussy would never be his Waterloo.
Some two centuries later, stale vag has made its way back into the modern vernacular of romance. Recently on the Hulu show Shrill, Annie (Aidy Bryant) was apprehensive when her boyfriend Ryan (Luka Jones) requested to eat her out even though she was feeling a little musty after a day on-the-run sans shower. But Ryan begged for that day-old pussy, and Annie finally obliged; she enjoyed it, too — at least until a Girl Scout troop happened upon him dining al fresco.
IMHO, it was by far his most romantic gesture in the series. There’s just something about a guy needing to have you no matter what, that’s fucking hot as hell — even if it takes a little social reconditioning.
I myself had a man who frequently begged me to come over straight from a workout so he could gobble up my sweaty gym pussy. It never happened because, for once, I made a good decision regarding a man (nothing to do with his fetish). But it’s kind of like when you learn a new word and you start seeing it everywhere; i.e., I began to notice there were a lot of guys into pussy when it was in its black banana peel phase (so to speak).
“I had no idea that smell fetish was a thing until I was in a relationship with someone who told me he didn’t want me to shower before we’d hang out — including ‘freshening up down there.’ Wanting to turn him on, I obliged,” says Felicia Fisher, a sex worker who does phone sex and produces fetish clips where one of her top-selling genres is the aforementioned “smell fetish.” (Among Fisher’s most popular clips is “Bratty Unshowered Sweaty Thong and Butt,” but my personal favorite is “Sweaty Brat Makes You Eat Ass.” I mean, relationship goals.)
When Fisher started talking about her personal experiences with her fans, most were eager for more. “They wanted to hear all about how I didn’t shower and would fuck after going to the gym, or about letting my pussy get really smelly after a few days of masturbating and not washing up and making my ex lick it,” she continues. “I realized I had a talent for this type of fantasy and the rest is history.”
Of course, getting women on board isn’t always easy. Every guy I spoke to about it said that most of their female partners were originally apprehensive about playing along. But Fisher says they shouldn’t be. “There’s a freedom in letting go and having someone desire you no matter what you smell, taste or look like down there. Personally, it really turns me on to know I can give them their nasty pussy fantasy,” she explains. “If you’re unsure how you could ever let someone eat your stinky pussy, consider how vulnerable it was for them to ask and go from there.”
She’s certainly considered the motivation behind the request. “Some guys just really like the smell and taste of rank pussy. Other guys like the taboo of it. It makes them feel extra pervy doing something you shouldn’t. There’s such an emphasis on genitals not tasting like genitals that having it taste and smell natural is a turn-on,” she says. “And some guys like the humiliation factor of being ‘forced’ to lick something like that and the mindfuck of knowing it’s not something they’d normally do, but wanting to do something to please me is what turns them on.”
The guys I talked to provided equally varied rationales. “I’d spent quite a bit of time reading about eating pussy before I ever had the chance to try it,” says Justin, a 44-year-old from the Bay Area. “The guys in the 1970s to early 1980s vintage porn articles that were my research materials wrote about it with a reverential tone that indicated those with a passion for eating pussy — especially those who enjoyed the scent and taste — were among a select group of connoisseurs that I decided to join in my formative years.”
Fifty-seven-year-old Rob, however, never really knew any different. “My first serious girlfriend always got horny after some exercise so I just associated sex with a sweaty pussy. I was hooked. There’s nothing better than that distinct aroma and taste of a woman who hasn’t showered for a day or two, or who has a sweaty post-workout pussy. I guess a clean, sanitized pussy isn’t something I lust after.”
Meanwhile, J.T., a 40-year-old in Chicago, discovered he had a nose (and passion) for smelly pussy much later in life. “I was dating a promiscuous woman whose refusal to adhere to societal norms like deodorant was intellectually stimulating, but the smell of her body, in heat, affected me deeply. She always smelled like she’d just gotten fucked, which half the time was true. That smell though. It was as if I’d taken a pill that sent my horniness into fucking overdrive,” he explains. It’s become such a part of his sexual routine now that he needs a whiff of that scent even when a woman isn’t around. “I will sometimes masturbate with my partner’s underwear on my nose.”
Summertime is probably when pussy is at its most fragrant, which is what led James, a 41-year-old in Phoenix, to get on board. “Everyone is bound to have a touch of swamp ass in the summer. I noticed when me and a date would be out on the town and sweaty, and then hook up, it would be much more arousing, as opposed to going to her place when she’s freshly showered and perfumed up,” he tells me. “Freshly showered pussy is just boring.”
A smell fetish also isn’t without romance. Joe, a 42-year-old from L.A., says it makes him feel closer to the woman he’s with. “I had a girlfriend who used to say that when you’re into someone, you can end up digging their scent,” he explains. “Coincidentally, it was when she came home from hot yoga that I found that I just wanted to kiss her and hug her and be close to her. Like her scent was stronger, and I wanted to be closer to it.” Scent and sexuality have become so intertwined for him that sometimes he will sniff his own armpit while jerking off.
Rob, though, has taken his love of unfresh pussy to the next level. “I also enjoy cleaning her out after I’ve come inside her. I went through a swinging phase with my ex-wife as well where I loved going down on her after she had fucked another man bareback. I didn’t want her to wash before I could,” he says. “After we got divorced, I dated women who loved threesomes, and I loved licking them after two men had come in them.”
Who says romance is dead?
Desi Jedeikin
Desi Jedeikin is a writer living in Los Angeles. She co-hosts the podcast Hollywood Crime Scene and has lots of things in development that will probably never happen. She wastes a lot of time on Twitter @desijed.
