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How Do I Handle My Control Freak Leo Boss?

Let's hope he’s an evolved, high-functioning Leo, otherwise, you’re probably gonna be in the market for a new gig

I’ve been told so many times that most straight men don’t (or won’t) believe in astrology. And yet, the more I yap about it to the guys around me, the more interested they seem to become. So this column is dedicated to those dudes: The suspicious and the curious, the skeptical and the inquisitive. I’ll be here every week, tackling the stuff your basic-ass horoscopes will never get into. Because you know what? You might think astrology is esoteric snake-oil, but everyone around you still judges you based on your star sign.

My Leo boss is a complete control freak and doesn’t trust me with anything that doesn’t have his fingerprints on it. How do I get him to relax and believe that everything is going to be fine? Or at least have a little more trust in me — and maybe himself?

This one is particularly challenging because it sounds like you’re dealing with an unevolved Leo. But first, a little context: Leo is ruled by the sun, making it the ONLY sign that’s ruled by a star, not a planet or luminary. Not to mention, that star just happens to be at the center of our solar system.

See what I’m getting at here?

Still, a high-functioning Leo understands that in order to gain the trust, respect and esteem of the team or group they’re trying to lead, they must allow others to shine as well, and bask in the “sunlight” of those around them. Pride is also a major factor when talking about a Leo. Leo’s symbol is obviously the lion, and the king always has, well, pride in his pride.

That, though, is the high-functioning Leo. The lower-functioning version is a dictator who is consumed by ego, concerned only with their authority and not at all bothered by the feelings of those around them. The bigger problem here is that Leo is a fixed sign, meaning it’s very hard to sway them once they’re down any path they view as righteous — whether it involves the larger group or just themselves.

And so, my best advice is to stroke the kitty. (Get your mind out of the gutter.) Basically, play to his ego. Throw him a bone. Give him a chance to see that you do care about his opinion when it comes to certain things. Make him feel like his contributions are valuable, and remind him that without his input, your output wouldn’t be nearly as good. If that doesn’t work, your next step is probably in the direction of the door.

As a Chicago Bears fan, I’m over “Nick Foles Magic,” which broke my heart on Sunday. I know FiveThirtyEight attempted to see how real it is, or if Foles is merely lucky enough to have played his best in the biggest moments and on the biggest stages (like last year’s Super Bowl). But I’d be interested to see what the stars say, too. I’m a vindictive fucker. So please, please, please tell me he’s going to crash back down to earth in a very painful, very humiliating way against the New Orleans Saints this weekend.

Now you’re the lucky one: Nick Foles is an Aquarius. And Aquarius is ruled by both Saturn and Uranus. Saturn is the structure and order we create, while Uranus is the guy who comes along and topples your card tower right as you finish it. Basically what I’m saying is that Aquarian energy is very erratic and unpredictable. In fact, luck isn’t a word I’d associate with Aquarians at all — I’d save that for Sagittarians.

That’s why I find it highly unlikely that Foles can keep performing at this level. (If anything, it’s strange that he hasn’t already fallen off.) Because Uranus is bound to come along — whether it’s this weekend against the Saints or some other game shortly thereafter (the NFC Championship Game? The Super Bowl?) — and fuck his shit up.

Enjoy the schadenfreude with your tackle football!

Write to me! Because dude, I’m more than happy to tell you what your sign means w/r/t whatever is happening in your bedroom, with your friends and family or your job/office. Hmu at erin.taj@melindustries.com.