Women who sleep with men often complain — with good reason — about how bad guys are at making them cum. But for some women, the tension in their sexual relationship comes from how incessantly their partner brings them to orgasm, making them cum more than they ever wanted to or expected they could.
In the world of BDSM, this kind of “scene” is called a consensually “forced,” “highly encouraged” or “highly compelled” orgasm (kinksters often refer to their fetish play sessions as “scenes,” not to be confused with actual porn scenes depicting this exchange). A safeword established before any sexual contact ensures the submissive is in total control of when the scene ends, as nobody playing with forced orgasms should ever be forced into doing so.
The idea is for the submissive to receive as many orgasms in a row as possible, and the “forced” or “highly compelled” aspect refers to how powerless she is to resisting that pleasure (through actual restraints or just by nature of assuming certain psychological roles). According to Colin Rowntree, the founder of Wasteland.com, the first premium BDSM site on the internet, “forced orgasms have been one of the bread-and-butter activities of BDSM porn, performance art and home play for decades.”
In most of the the forced orgasm porn available online, the dominant partner constrains the submissive partner and then uses a vibrator on them until they orgasm. The vibrator is usually a Hitachi Magic Wand that is held firm atop the clitoris while the submissive recipient whines and moans in wild pleasure. Rowntree says these scenes are so popular because of their “high drama, high energy and emotional” nature.
They usually feature women as the submissives, which is unsurprising given that women report more submissive tendencies than men, according to the largest study of sexual desire in the U.S., conducted by Dr. Justin Lehmiller. The psychological inference here is not that these women have been successfully conditioned by the heteropatriarchy and actually feel less powerful than their male doms, but instead that the act of submission allows women to experience massive sexual pleasure and freedom without being bound to the social expectations put on female sexuality. So while they may actually be in physical restraints during these scenes, their attitude about their own sexual voracity is increasingly liberated.
And although women are biologically multiorgasmic, forced-orgasm scenes require stamina; they reveal one’s endurance in ways commonly unexplored when getting yourself off. For example, a woman may have multiple orgasms while masturbating with her Hitachi, but not usually by leaving the vibrator on her super-sensitive clitoris without taking a break, dramatically increasing her level of stimulation.
There is a ton of this type of content online. You can find it explored in just about every permutation possible. It’s common for women to also play the dominatrix too, forcing orgasms upon both men and other women, and in fact, toys don’t always have to be part of the equation. Venus Babylon, 36, a phone sex operator, erotica writer and professional dominatrix based in the midwest, says she loved exploring this dynamic with a former partner without any toys. A dom at work, Babylon loves playing the submissive in scenes in her personal life.
“I generally was not restrained, but we would be lying side-by-side in bed, and he would be fingering me. He became very well versed in my physical response, especially in regards to G-spot orgasms,” she says. “There was generally not a lot of equipment involved, but we had a routine that also involved other verbal and gestural protocol, stuff like me saying ‘Thank you, Daddy’ at the correct time or else being punished, or him covering my mouth in breath play scenarios. It was a very personal dynamic. A lot of times he would have me count down from a certain number before I could cum.”
Babylon says this countdown helped her relax and achieve orgasm more regularly in a way that pleased her partner and allowed her to relax. (What’s worse than a man demanding you cum “for him” when he’s not getting you off?!) “What surprised me about liking forced orgasms is I used to hate it when doms told me to cum. As if I was a robot who could cum on demand, especially during activities that were flat out failing to make me cum. I hated feeling pressured to cum when I wasn’t ready, but this guy could tell when I was about to go over the edge and would begin a countdown to ‘allowing’ me to cum once he saw those signs,” she explains.
“If you’re a control freak like I am, it can be really nice to have to surrender to another person’s guidance. Especially in my case where I felt a lot of hang-ups around feeling pressured to cum or not being able to cum at all during sex and the way I did this scene with my ex was fantastic because it really wasn’t about ‘forcing’ it if I wasn’t actually sufficiently aroused. This Dom was actually very patient with how long it took me to have a clitoral orgasm and that was super healing for me.” Babylon says she now craves these scenes in the same way she craves “a glass of wine or a bubble bath” and considers their depiction in porn some of the only heterosexual clips to emphasize the female orgasm and clitoral stimulation (or to feature it all).
John, 28, a student and filmmaker in L.A., says he loves knowing that his partner’s pleasure is in his hands while playing with forced orgasm. Even though he’s often the dom in their relationship, he’s still reverent to the female orgasm, saying its explosiveness is what gives these experiences such incredible energy. John discovered his interest in the kink through a meme on Instagram earlier this year. “I love to give oral sex and usually keep going after my partner cums, focused on giving her as much pleasure as possible until she tells me to stop,” he explains. “So when I saw that meme on Instagram, I realized forcing her orgasm would only magnify this dynamic we already like.”
According to John, his partner loves how dedicated he is to making her cum, especially because she rarely came during sex with previous partners. “When we first tried forced orgasm, she moved in ways I’d never see her move during sex before. I was obsessed with seeing her fight between the pleasure and the ‘pleasurable pain’ of the vibrator I was using on her,” John says. “I would love if the role was reversed and I was the one receiving oral sex and having my whimpers ignored until I couldn’t take it anymore.”
Heterosexual forced orgasm scenes are interesting to watch because the man often wields his power from the Hitachi rather from than his penis. A battery-powered, phallic departure from the visual aesthetics usually found in dick-centric straight porn. “Women are going to use sex toys regardless of whether or not they use them with us,” John says. “I’m glad we can play with these accessories to maximize her pleasure and it’s fun to mix it up. Using a vibrator on her clit while you’re fucking is great and can remind her of these intense, forced orgasm encounters.”
Like all responsible novices, John was sure to talk to his partner about experimenting with forced orgasms long before they actually tried it out. For best results, have this conversation when you’re spending time together but not hooking up (or about to hook up). After all, our inhibitions practically disappear when we get aroused.
But if you’re satisfied with just watching forced orgasm porn to start, be sure to search “highly compelled orgasm” or “highly encouraged orgasm” too. A few years ago, Mastercard led the charge against processing transactions with the word “forced” in them, especially from adult companies. That’s when Rowntree replaced his “forced orgasm” category with “highly compelled orgasm,” a tongue-in-cheek nod to his website’s dedicated fan community.
Tierney Finster
Tierney Finster is a journalist, screenwriter, actor and model from Los Angeles, California. She is a contributing writer at MEL, specializing in love, sex, mental health, drugs, queer culture and the cannabis industry. She has written for publications such as Playboy, Purple, Dazed and Confused, Jezebel and Broadly and was the key researcher behind Sex On, HBO’s revival of its iconoclastic docu-series Real Sex.
