Dude_12

Astrological Signs as ‘Avengers: Endgame’ Heroes: The Definitive Guide

In which even the Scorpios can save the world

Given that the mission of this column is to show skeptical dudes that astrology offers all sorts of insights into their lives that will totally help them (whether it’s in the proverbial bedroom or boardroom), I couldn’t help but dedicate a special edition to the release of Avengers: Endgame.

The original idea was to do each of the original Avengers’ (MCU edition) chart, but since it’s more or less impossible to find the birthdays/birth times for each without diving into some serious nerd theories and terrifying internet wormholes, I decided instead to assign 12 of them zodiac signs based off of the origins of their stories and their powers.

Aries = Captain Marvel

Carol Danvers is an all-around warrior like Mars, the ruler of Aries. Similarly, she has heightened senses and that notable “seventh sense,” which I’d equate to the unflinching ability to go with her intuition/gut (something an Aries possesses as well, as you typically won’t catch them second-guessing themselves). She’s also got a patchy memory of where she’s been before, kinda like an Aries, too, who aren’t known for slowing down and reflecting on where they’ve been.

Taurus = The Hulk

To state the obvious, Bruce Banner is super chill until he becomes pissed off (Taurus 101). More obviousness: When The Hulk is pissed, he loses himself in volcanic rage. (The symbol of Taurus is the bull, think of this as a bull seeing red.) Let us also consider the fact that “the madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets,” or the quintessential bullheaded stubbornness of a Taurus.

Gemini = Spider-Man

Peter Parker is a jack-of-all trades (a Gemini’s main pastime). As such, he’s made his own costume, created his own gadgets and is constantly finding new things to explore. (Mercury rules Gemini, and is most commonly associated with dexterity and quickness of thought.) Finally, Spider-Man is an alter ego Peter slips in and out of when necessary, echoing a Gemini’s tendency to switch certain aspects of themselves on and off.

Cancer = Scarlet Witch

Here we have a woman whose main power is manipulating chaos magic in her favor by creating spells on the fly that manage to be advantageous regardless of the situation. (Cancer is known for being able to manipulate the moods of those around them to fit their desired state, whether they’re comfortable or chaotic.) Admittedly, there’s nothing particularly stable about this. But then again, the ruler of Cancer is the Moon, which ebbs and flows and is responsible for a Cancer’s signature mood changes.

Leo = Thor

Always fighting with The Hulk over who should get the title of “Strongest Avenger,” Thor is famous for his incredible feats of strength (strength being the card in tarot associated with Leos); larger-than-life presence (uh, Leo is ruled by the Sun); and glorious golden locks (Leos are obsessed with their manes and check them out in every surface that has even the subtlest of reflections). He also has cat-like reflexes — you’ve probably heard that the symbol for Leo is a lion, which is a rather well-known type of cat. I’ll let you take it from here.

Virgo = Winter Soldier

Winter Soldier is an expert assassin and spy who knows multiple languages. Virgos — thanks to their ruler Mercury — are known for their ability to learn complicated languages by picking apart their structures and reorganizing things in a way that’s easy-to-understand. Like a spy, they also can spot weakness in another human from a mile away. Speaking of spies, the Winter Soldier is ruthlessly efficient at his job, to the point where he essentially has no access to his emotions. If you’ve ever met a Virgo, you know that trying to use emotions rather than logic is futile.

Libra = Black Panther

T’Challa is a diplomat (a Libran term as their symbol is the scales — the symbol of justice) and peace lover first and foremost. And while he will fight, he will only do so for just causes (Libra’s ruling planet is Venus, the planet of peace, comfort and values). He also has a Libran tendency to be indecisive — e.g., when he discovers in Black Panther that his father did a bad thing, and he has to balance the traditions of his people with the radical (and somewhat warranted) perspectives of his rogue cousin Erik Killmonger.

Scorpio = Black Widow

Black Widow has an immune system that’s resistant to most foreign bodies. (The Scorpio needs to protect its insides.) She’s also an accomplished martial artist, which requires physical and mental discipline and an abundance of patience — all things the rulers of Scorpio, Mars and Pluto, have domain over. Not to mention, she has the ability to psychologically manipulate those around her while keeping her true motives secret (lol do I really need to explain this?). Lastly, her name is Black Widow, another poisonous insect (see: Scorpions) that lurks in the darkness.

Sagittarius = Doctor Strange

Doctor Strange uses wisdom to overcome “evil magic” and the Book of the Vishanti to guide him on a righteous path. Which perfectly aligns with Jupiter (the ruler of Sagittarius) and its association with higher knowledge. Similarly, Sagittarius is all about our belief systems and how they inform our lives.

Capricorn = Gamora

Gamora was adopted by Thanos as a child (father figures play a key role in anything associated with Capricorn). As an adult, though — through training and hard work (another Capricorn metaphor) — she’s become the most “deadly woman in the galaxy.” She’s also one of the last of her species, who were exterminated by Thanos; to get revenge, she’s vowed to assassinate anyone who contributed to the slaughter of her people (politics are also associated with Capricorn). Finally, her personality is cold, aloof and distant (the ruler of Capricorn is Saturn, known for its coldness).

Aquarius = Iron Man

Tony Stark uses futuristic (an Aquarian term) technology (another Aquarian term) to aid his altruistic (yet another Aquarian term) ventures. He’s also got a contrarian, cocky, hyper-intellectual personality (Aquarian terms four, five and six). All of which makes sense since he’s a mathematical genius. In other words: Typical Aquarius.

Pisces = Mantis

Mantis is a master of meditational disciplines and has such a sensitive and pronounced intuition and empathy that she can feel other people’s feelings. (Pisces, who’s modern ruler is Neptune, is associated with having more empathy than any other sign.) She also has the ability to transport her physical body through space and time (astral projection is associated with Pisces as well). Nor should we ignore that she bounces between being chaotic and peaceful, an indication of a Pisces’ duality.